On the phone to Durban yesterday, we both decided that we would both be extremely happy to see the end of 2007. Good god what a year. Please don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out. And that's not including the lovely family saga that has plagued me for the past 5 years. When next I count to this area of the 2000s I will simply go 2005, 2006, 2008, 2009. I think I will celebrate my 25Th again next year and change my birth year to 1983. I'm sure this is possible, in fact home affairs has probably already done it for me, Ill let you know when I get my passport.
Although I learnt a lot about people, none of it remotely positive, I learnt very little about myself.
I did rediscover 2 very special individuals who carried me an awful lot this year, I think I should buy them a massage, I'm a rather big girl and rather bigger than them. (look what carrying the entire English rugby team did to Johnny Wilkinson's back). Its amazing how, even after 11 years people can still surprise you, in good and bad ways. I believe I found a good friend and a bit of a kindred spirit in a former sea-goer. Someone I knew really only socially, showed me what a tRRuly special, unique friend and person he really is. And when things can get really bad, people do come together, even those you least expect.
I did decide that I was going to call people out on everything and be totally straight, I will not accept any form of abuse from ANYONE and people will know exactly how I feel about things.
While this all sounds positive and rather good (it did happen in the second half of 2006 after all) it all arose from hugely unpleasant circumstances.
I wish I hadn't learnt that people are full of excuses. Excuses that they think allows them to do and treat people as they wish. They believe excuses are reasons. Are reasons not just excuses really? People are happy to suffer from victim syndrome or are the worlds biggest martyr. I learnt that people do not know how to accept responsibility or see themselves as part of the problem. I wish I hadn't learnt that people don't know or actually don't care when someone else is in trouble because they are not themselves and it would take too much effort to help them out. learnt that people only hear because it doesn't suit them to listen to what you actually saying.
But most of all I wish I hadn't learnt that when things are really bad and you are looking for people to restore your faith in humanity and all they do is reinforce that which you wish you didn't know already. And no matter how cynical one is, strangers and people you know always manage to disappoint you.
And with all this negative and seriousness, trust my parents to add some light to it all...
You know something is seriously wrong with the universe when you mother has to come watch South Park with you cause your father is watching Oprah.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Friday, November 16
Thursday, October 11
I dont wanna go to school mom....
We all know joke about the principle who tells his mother he doesn't want to go to school and she says you have to dear etc. So recently the scenario in the Cuteness Household was this....
My brother introduced my moms to this online game and she has been playing it like it provides her with oxygen, as does my brother mind you. The other night she played until 3am (at some point in the evening The Don came through to "ask" her if she new what time it was and she told him to pretend he didn't know).
Now she is doesn't quite know much of the ins and outs of the game just yet and so runs around in the online gaming universe as the dumb blonde. Luckily some people think that it is pretty cool that a mom is playing this game (seen as the age of the players starts at about 10) and that her children are teaching her to play, so people are more than willing to help her out. The other night she played with a fellow South African, a rare thing, and they played until about 12pm. At which point my mom decided it was bedtime.
Mamma Cuteness: F**K its late (yes just like that, i learnt to swear from
my mother, as did my father actually).
I have to go to bed, have school in the morning.
Fellow SA Player: Oh Ok, what grade are you in?
Mamma Cuteness: Well actually I'm the Vice Principle
Fellow SA Player: You are the coolest lady....
Another insight into the woman that is my mother. She swore at her matrics AGAIN this week. No wonder they love her?! However I am not, my parents decided recently that perhaps doing some speed dating or the that type of vibe is a good idea for me! REALLY NOW?!?! Come on parents, please relax. I am no old maid or some baron 45 year old (altho barely coping with the 25 milestone!) Sigh... Exams have been a good distraction for them tho, (?) wrote my first one yesterday and my mother cried the entire day because of it, for reasons I am not going to explain, the people that read this know why anyway :)
Remain Infinitely Cute
Xxx
My brother introduced my moms to this online game and she has been playing it like it provides her with oxygen, as does my brother mind you. The other night she played until 3am (at some point in the evening The Don came through to "ask" her if she new what time it was and she told him to pretend he didn't know).
Now she is doesn't quite know much of the ins and outs of the game just yet and so runs around in the online gaming universe as the dumb blonde. Luckily some people think that it is pretty cool that a mom is playing this game (seen as the age of the players starts at about 10) and that her children are teaching her to play, so people are more than willing to help her out. The other night she played with a fellow South African, a rare thing, and they played until about 12pm. At which point my mom decided it was bedtime.
Mamma Cuteness: F**K its late (yes just like that, i learnt to swear from
my mother, as did my father actually).
I have to go to bed, have school in the morning.
Fellow SA Player: Oh Ok, what grade are you in?
Mamma Cuteness: Well actually I'm the Vice Principle
Fellow SA Player: You are the coolest lady....
Another insight into the woman that is my mother. She swore at her matrics AGAIN this week. No wonder they love her?! However I am not, my parents decided recently that perhaps doing some speed dating or the that type of vibe is a good idea for me! REALLY NOW?!?! Come on parents, please relax. I am no old maid or some baron 45 year old (altho barely coping with the 25 milestone!) Sigh... Exams have been a good distraction for them tho, (?) wrote my first one yesterday and my mother cried the entire day because of it, for reasons I am not going to explain, the people that read this know why anyway :)
Remain Infinitely Cute
Xxx
Tuesday, October 2
Types of Girlfriends.
I started out writing about types of women, but soon realized that in actual fact I was referring to women and their behaviour in relationships. Now having a brother who has dated roughly 76% of Jhb and seeing a fair amount of males in relationships I have come to observe various behaviours of this strange specimen, A woman in a relationship.
Type A. The Strap-on.
She is better than you at everything. She can outrun, out swim, out drink, beat you at mortal combat, poker, darts and pool. She can burp louder than you and when you wrestle, it is never a given who is going to win. You are not sure if she is your girlfriend or the greatest guy-friend you have ever had.
Type B. Glad-Wrap.
If you were food, honey you would be fresh for years. Really, why bother wearing clothes when you can just slap on some cologne and your girlfriend. When out and about, there is no question about your relationship status or who you are involved with. When trying to have a conversation, having a mouthful of teeth is hardly your problem, it is that you have an extra tongue perpetually stuck down your throat that is making talking difficult.
Type C. The squealer.
This is the girl that squeals with delight every time she sees you. It is so high-pitched that only dogs can hear it. She tells you she misses you after you have gone to pee or buy a drink, a mere absence of a few minutes. In fact when you return, she has turned blue, because as her left lung, leaving her, you have only left her with 50% of her breathing (and thinking) capacity. She calls you sugar-lips, Tea-tree, pumpkin, my baaaaaabbby at the end and beginning of every sentence and when introducing you, does so only as “my Boyfriend” because before you were her boyfriend, you were nothing else, you didn’t even have a name. Her future plans are to have 8 of your babies, all called Boyfriend JR, and bring you your slippers and pipe after cooking you a 3 course meal. Baby speak is a given.
Type D. The Mother. (Read Nazi)
She dresses you, orders your food, chooses your hairstyle, tells you when to stop drinking, when to be home, where to go, where NOT to go, who to go out with, who your friends are, what to say, think, feel and earn. She tells you what car to buy because after all, it has to be what she likes. Sex is purely for her enjoyment, and to quote an old airline add, “She only wants to hear one click.” She disciplines with a simple look that when you were little, was accompanied by the words (said by your actual mother) “I’m going to count to 3.” With her, spankings are not kinky, they are terrifying!
Type E. The oil-painting.
This girl wears so much makeup you are unable to tell what her real eye colour is. She has to sit still as movement will cause her to crack. Her eyes are never fully open as the amount of makeup on them has made them too heavy, that it is physically impossible for her to open them properly. You are not allowed to kiss her as you may mess up her caked on lip-gloss or lipstick (if you actually want to). In fact if you are sitting on the opposite side of The Hat to her, her lips are still in reach, she is wearing that much makeup! Instead of makeup remover, she uses thinners and a chisel.
Type F. High Maintenance.
Now this is a tough one, because most men believe women are high maintenance. This is the woman who spends 4 hours in the bathroom and emerges looking exactly the same. She bitches about the food, wine and company at every opportunity and if she it out partying, she wants to be home chilling and vice versa. She is the girl who responds fine, when you know it isn’t and says things like “if you don’t know what is wrong then I just can’t help you.” She has huge double standards so don’t even expect fairness, what a ridiculous concept and how silly of you to think there would be such a thing! She will ignore you for 2 weeks as a form of punishment. (Without realizing that she is doing you a favour because god knows you love the peace.) She says one thing but expects the opposite. And god help you if you can’t mind-read! You will cancel golf because she said so, but at your would-be tee-off time is her hair and nail appointment. For her birthday, the lovely and pricey bracelet is great but the picnic under the stars in your garden is not good enough as it didn’t cost R2000 and was not in the Westcliff gardens with a string quartet playing in the background. She will scream at you for 2 hours because you didn’t remember the anniversary of the first time you saw each other briefly on the dance floor at a school social before being introduced for the first time, properly, 6 years later.
Tell me boys, loving your girlfriends right now aren’t you?!
Remain Infinitely Cute
Xxx
Type A. The Strap-on.
She is better than you at everything. She can outrun, out swim, out drink, beat you at mortal combat, poker, darts and pool. She can burp louder than you and when you wrestle, it is never a given who is going to win. You are not sure if she is your girlfriend or the greatest guy-friend you have ever had.
Type B. Glad-Wrap.
If you were food, honey you would be fresh for years. Really, why bother wearing clothes when you can just slap on some cologne and your girlfriend. When out and about, there is no question about your relationship status or who you are involved with. When trying to have a conversation, having a mouthful of teeth is hardly your problem, it is that you have an extra tongue perpetually stuck down your throat that is making talking difficult.
Type C. The squealer.
This is the girl that squeals with delight every time she sees you. It is so high-pitched that only dogs can hear it. She tells you she misses you after you have gone to pee or buy a drink, a mere absence of a few minutes. In fact when you return, she has turned blue, because as her left lung, leaving her, you have only left her with 50% of her breathing (and thinking) capacity. She calls you sugar-lips, Tea-tree, pumpkin, my baaaaaabbby at the end and beginning of every sentence and when introducing you, does so only as “my Boyfriend” because before you were her boyfriend, you were nothing else, you didn’t even have a name. Her future plans are to have 8 of your babies, all called Boyfriend JR, and bring you your slippers and pipe after cooking you a 3 course meal. Baby speak is a given.
Type D. The Mother. (Read Nazi)
She dresses you, orders your food, chooses your hairstyle, tells you when to stop drinking, when to be home, where to go, where NOT to go, who to go out with, who your friends are, what to say, think, feel and earn. She tells you what car to buy because after all, it has to be what she likes. Sex is purely for her enjoyment, and to quote an old airline add, “She only wants to hear one click.” She disciplines with a simple look that when you were little, was accompanied by the words (said by your actual mother) “I’m going to count to 3.” With her, spankings are not kinky, they are terrifying!
Type E. The oil-painting.
This girl wears so much makeup you are unable to tell what her real eye colour is. She has to sit still as movement will cause her to crack. Her eyes are never fully open as the amount of makeup on them has made them too heavy, that it is physically impossible for her to open them properly. You are not allowed to kiss her as you may mess up her caked on lip-gloss or lipstick (if you actually want to). In fact if you are sitting on the opposite side of The Hat to her, her lips are still in reach, she is wearing that much makeup! Instead of makeup remover, she uses thinners and a chisel.
Type F. High Maintenance.
Now this is a tough one, because most men believe women are high maintenance. This is the woman who spends 4 hours in the bathroom and emerges looking exactly the same. She bitches about the food, wine and company at every opportunity and if she it out partying, she wants to be home chilling and vice versa. She is the girl who responds fine, when you know it isn’t and says things like “if you don’t know what is wrong then I just can’t help you.” She has huge double standards so don’t even expect fairness, what a ridiculous concept and how silly of you to think there would be such a thing! She will ignore you for 2 weeks as a form of punishment. (Without realizing that she is doing you a favour because god knows you love the peace.) She says one thing but expects the opposite. And god help you if you can’t mind-read! You will cancel golf because she said so, but at your would-be tee-off time is her hair and nail appointment. For her birthday, the lovely and pricey bracelet is great but the picnic under the stars in your garden is not good enough as it didn’t cost R2000 and was not in the Westcliff gardens with a string quartet playing in the background. She will scream at you for 2 hours because you didn’t remember the anniversary of the first time you saw each other briefly on the dance floor at a school social before being introduced for the first time, properly, 6 years later.
Tell me boys, loving your girlfriends right now aren’t you?!
Remain Infinitely Cute
Xxx
Thursday, September 13
Top 10 places to meet women.
A mate of mine, we will call him Flintstones Pet (or FP) wrote an interesting and rather good article on this subject a while back. (http://www.wibble.co.za/blog/top-10-places-meet-women) Of course, knowing me, I have an answer for everything and well while some of his ideas are not too bad I thought I would add a female answer.
- At a Wedding. Yes women are emotional and tend to be loved up. But there can be a range of emotions flying here. That bitch knew I wanted to use this as my first song and that was my idea!!! That’s what I wanted my dress to look like! She said I would be a bridesmaid! Yes women discuss their weddings at length and so they will be looking for any idea stealing. There also may be some, I cant believe she is marrying THAT man and look who she invited?! Or Oh MY GOD can you see who Cindy brought or how fat Natasha is? And once we are then above all the tacky school-girl behaviour and enter the loved-up stage and get swept up in the moment, I hate to say it boys, but Vince and brother Wilson destroyed any illusion women have about men at weddings I’m afraid.
- On a Flight. Yes 12 long hours seems far more appealing when you not sitting next to the big fat guy who spills into your seat, spitting his complimentary nuts at you while he talks about his failed marriage and his battle with body odour. But in reality people have more chance of getting killed by a falling coconut in Norway than sitting next to a good-looking single male on a flight. They are either going on a trip with a girlfriend, to see a girlfriend or are in business class. And another fantasy ruined by a movie, we have all seen Bridget Jones Diary. And there is very little glamorous about flying, your head rolling everywhere while you battle to sleep, pudding spilled all over your top. There is only one way to travel, in business class, asleep, after a very strong sleeping tablet.
- In the Shopping Isles. Yes women love it when they are shopping for food, a few binge items and a man comes up to them to chat or ask for “advice” and their ‘womanly items’ are sitting on top of the cart. In fact, I think the men would like it less! I think men will learn to read labels very quickly.
- At the races. This is not a bad place in all fairness but unless you look like Ryk Neethling, have the charm of 4000 men or are willing to wait for the 4-in-the-morning-I-havent-found-a-man-desparation, it’s very unlikely.
- At a wine tasting club. Also not bad. All I have to say is Red wine teeth and lips.
- At the airport. Interesting place. An interesting place to just piss off a woman with a lot of luggage to hit you with.
- At a club. Yes, please please can the guy with sambucca all down his top, who smells of sweat and cannot talk a language known to man come and grope at me! And generally, being older than 12, we only get there after 11ish so being called a swamp lady is a sure way into my pants! (refer to circling vultures)
- At Gym. Some women go to gym to actually EXERCISE. Another place to piss off women where they have lots of weights to throw at you. Look for the women wearing lots of makeup, g-string leotards and blow-dried hair. They are usually too nipped and tucked, but hey, if you like that type of thing….
- At volunteer activities. Funnily women are there to actually volunteer. They will not notice you unless you are Brad Pitt. Also sooooo obvious. Some women are that stupid, but they will be in the gym in a g-string leotard.
- Aerobics class. Alright, either gay gay gay gay gay or tooooo obvious. So obvious you might as well take a women’s studies class at university.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Monday, August 6
Bitch slap….
Last night I was chatting to mate of mine and we got talking about slapping people in the face. He said he would hate to be on the receiving end of one of my slaps seen as I punch like a man (thanks Beers). It is a hug insulting thing to do to someone and is as low as going for a man’s crown jewels. This got me thinking to the last time I actually slapped someone.
My oldest friend in the world, we will call her Candy, because she is really really phenomenal eye-candy, and I used to fight so badly they wouldn’t have put us on Jerry Springer. (Bear in mind we lived in Boksburg back then) We hit each other with belts, wet towels, basically anything that would cause a welt and sting. We regularly slapped each other so hard the hand prints remained for hours. Many times our parents would come home and we would have bright red faces from slapping each other so hard. I pushed her into a cupboard once, she pushed me to the ground. I slammed the door in her face so hard, paint came off. This was all before we were 12, before we had grown up a bit. Now we don’t fight at all but we always marvel at how we used to lay into each other. People who hear these stories and know me well cannot believe it, I guess once I left the Burg I didn’t need my fighting skills anymore.
There was one occasion when we were very proud of our slapping abilities, this time someone else was on the receiving end and had to face the wrath of both of us. Candy has a little sister and when we were in STD 5 she was in grade 2. Was an incredibly cute kid and Candy and I used to give her a pretty hard time, but we were also very nice older sisters. A few of us, when we were in STD 5, were in a war with the girls in the year below us. I believe it was over sitting rights of a particular bench. So one of their boyfriends and his mate who was our age came to the school one day after a particularly intense fight, and stumbled across Candy’s little sissy. They pushed her to the ground and called her some mean names. This was all kinds of unacceptable. Candy and I gave those boys a nice red face and ear they will never forget. (After a good talking to first of course). In the mean time the rest of our mates were taking down the girls in the lower year.
People laugh when I say be careful I’m from the Burg, they look at me and say, yeah you really rough cuteness…
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
My oldest friend in the world, we will call her Candy, because she is really really phenomenal eye-candy, and I used to fight so badly they wouldn’t have put us on Jerry Springer. (Bear in mind we lived in Boksburg back then) We hit each other with belts, wet towels, basically anything that would cause a welt and sting. We regularly slapped each other so hard the hand prints remained for hours. Many times our parents would come home and we would have bright red faces from slapping each other so hard. I pushed her into a cupboard once, she pushed me to the ground. I slammed the door in her face so hard, paint came off. This was all before we were 12, before we had grown up a bit. Now we don’t fight at all but we always marvel at how we used to lay into each other. People who hear these stories and know me well cannot believe it, I guess once I left the Burg I didn’t need my fighting skills anymore.
There was one occasion when we were very proud of our slapping abilities, this time someone else was on the receiving end and had to face the wrath of both of us. Candy has a little sister and when we were in STD 5 she was in grade 2. Was an incredibly cute kid and Candy and I used to give her a pretty hard time, but we were also very nice older sisters. A few of us, when we were in STD 5, were in a war with the girls in the year below us. I believe it was over sitting rights of a particular bench. So one of their boyfriends and his mate who was our age came to the school one day after a particularly intense fight, and stumbled across Candy’s little sissy. They pushed her to the ground and called her some mean names. This was all kinds of unacceptable. Candy and I gave those boys a nice red face and ear they will never forget. (After a good talking to first of course). In the mean time the rest of our mates were taking down the girls in the lower year.
People laugh when I say be careful I’m from the Burg, they look at me and say, yeah you really rough cuteness…
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Friday, August 3
Biting the Hand
I’m sure most of you have heard about the fifth year med student who was raped at Bara this week. I felt the usual amounts of sadness and rage for this poor girl, who was violated in the worst possible way.
It has always amazed me, how people can hurt those that are there to help them. This is a lesson I learnt in my first year studying law. We went to sit in on a case where a young female lawyer would go into poorer and rural areas to offer legal assistance to people who couldn’t afford it, and to educate them as to what their rights were etc. a hugely noble act considering she was a public prosecutor, and we are all aware of how swamped they are, and she did this pro bono work in her own time. One day, she was walking through a tunnel, where she was attacked, raped (more than once), mugged, beaten and shot 5 times in the back. Her body left in the gutter, in a puddle of mucky water, face down. I can describe this image so clearly because I saw the case file. Now the men accused could not afford legal council and so the state provided them a lawyer, as this is their right. My problem with that is that the lawyer was in fact the victim’s friend. Their lawyer was bound by ethics, to give them a decent defense. All valid and reasonable expectations but knowing it was her friend added an extra sting to this already disturbing story. I stopped studying law after that and it has taken me 7 years to return to the degree.
Now I hear this story. I have a considerable amount of friends studying medicine and they regularly work at Bara. I know that this degree requires a huge commitment of roughly 10 years minimum but to do it, one requires passion! When you hit roughly 5th year, you work in the hospitals almost everyday, doing 24 hour shifts etc. And no pay. Granted you are learning. But you are offering medical care to those who cannot afford it. It is indeed noble! And then one of the students is raped.
Justice? Is there such a thing?
And don’t even get me started on so-called “Karma”
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
It has always amazed me, how people can hurt those that are there to help them. This is a lesson I learnt in my first year studying law. We went to sit in on a case where a young female lawyer would go into poorer and rural areas to offer legal assistance to people who couldn’t afford it, and to educate them as to what their rights were etc. a hugely noble act considering she was a public prosecutor, and we are all aware of how swamped they are, and she did this pro bono work in her own time. One day, she was walking through a tunnel, where she was attacked, raped (more than once), mugged, beaten and shot 5 times in the back. Her body left in the gutter, in a puddle of mucky water, face down. I can describe this image so clearly because I saw the case file. Now the men accused could not afford legal council and so the state provided them a lawyer, as this is their right. My problem with that is that the lawyer was in fact the victim’s friend. Their lawyer was bound by ethics, to give them a decent defense. All valid and reasonable expectations but knowing it was her friend added an extra sting to this already disturbing story. I stopped studying law after that and it has taken me 7 years to return to the degree.
Now I hear this story. I have a considerable amount of friends studying medicine and they regularly work at Bara. I know that this degree requires a huge commitment of roughly 10 years minimum but to do it, one requires passion! When you hit roughly 5th year, you work in the hospitals almost everyday, doing 24 hour shifts etc. And no pay. Granted you are learning. But you are offering medical care to those who cannot afford it. It is indeed noble! And then one of the students is raped.
Justice? Is there such a thing?
And don’t even get me started on so-called “Karma”
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Monday, July 23
Actions, Reasons and Excuses.
People always have a reason for their behaviour. If someone is rude to the shop teller everyone just thinks they are a bitch but one never knows what is going on in their lives at that moment. Maybe their mother is ill or they themselves are in immense pain, or they are in fact just an unpleasant son of a bitch with a special place in hell reserved just for them. Having been in an environment where I deal with people who are usually very ill and are not always so pleasant as a result, I like to think I try to be more aware of the fact that you just don’t know what is going on in a person’s life that makes them behave in a certain way. I also do deal with people who are not incredibly ill and I know that one day they will wish they had been just a little nicer and less selfish, this thought can sometimes bring me great joy as I can tend not to be the most forgiving of people.
But then there is another kind of person. The person I have come across very much lately, and I am going to describe them in a strange way so I hope you understand me, because right now the anger is too much to think that I could possibly be all too coherent. These people always have an excuse, not a reason, for their behaviour….
EG.
I was going through a very difficult time in my life so this is why I stole or abused children or those weaker than me. I just wasn’t myself.
I was abused as a child so that’s why I abused children. (One would think it would be the complete opposite, the fuckers)
I was very depressed and in such a dark black hole at the time, that’s why I stabbed my two 5 year old twin daughters 18 times each.
She was wearing a short skirt so I assumed she wouldn’t mind being groped at or pawed at. Girls like that like that attention.
Of course we both wanted to have sex. She was just so drunk she couldn’t say her name but she wanted it, she didn’t say no. She had been flirting with me all night.
There is a young sweet girl, I think I will just grab her all over and kiss her because I WANT to. Women like the attention, and she was nice to me, she wanted me to. It’s my right to do that.
She/He hurt me. This gives me the right to humiliate them, call them fat, ugly, slutty or even spread vicious rumors about them which are completely untrue. I’m the victim here.
Did you see how he/she was behaving? (In girls case, wearing) They were asking for it.
She seems like a rich spoilt bratty bitch, she deserves to be put in her place. I have every right to say what I wish to do this.
I didn’t like the fact that my girlfriends skirt was too short so I had every right to humiliate her in front of her friends by saying, loudly, in front of everyone that she was flashing everything she owned.
People never stop to think that maybe there is more going on behind closed doors. They don’t think that maybe someone is just friendly or doesn’t like to treat people like they don’t matter just because they don’t know them or are a certain type of person. People don’t think that maybe girls just like to wear short skirts because they feel they look nice in them and that is doesn’t mean they are a whore. Girls should be allowed to wear what they wish without being judged or pawed at.
People don’t realize that humiliating someone and treating a girl like she is cheap can destroy a person, and, in my view, is a form of abuse….
In future I would rather just be punched in the face, I would find it less traumatizing thank you. It is in fact, far less damaging. Just love it when men say I would never hit a woman. Well sweeties it is a hell of a lot better than groping at her when she does not want to be touched or calling her a dog, fat or a slut. Think about that. People have no excuse to say or do as they like to others.
There really is no such thing as entitlement in my opinion.
Most of the above examples speak for themselves. People, in general, are really revolting creatures.
But then there is another kind of person. The person I have come across very much lately, and I am going to describe them in a strange way so I hope you understand me, because right now the anger is too much to think that I could possibly be all too coherent. These people always have an excuse, not a reason, for their behaviour….
EG.
I was going through a very difficult time in my life so this is why I stole or abused children or those weaker than me. I just wasn’t myself.
I was abused as a child so that’s why I abused children. (One would think it would be the complete opposite, the fuckers)
I was very depressed and in such a dark black hole at the time, that’s why I stabbed my two 5 year old twin daughters 18 times each.
She was wearing a short skirt so I assumed she wouldn’t mind being groped at or pawed at. Girls like that like that attention.
Of course we both wanted to have sex. She was just so drunk she couldn’t say her name but she wanted it, she didn’t say no. She had been flirting with me all night.
There is a young sweet girl, I think I will just grab her all over and kiss her because I WANT to. Women like the attention, and she was nice to me, she wanted me to. It’s my right to do that.
She/He hurt me. This gives me the right to humiliate them, call them fat, ugly, slutty or even spread vicious rumors about them which are completely untrue. I’m the victim here.
Did you see how he/she was behaving? (In girls case, wearing) They were asking for it.
She seems like a rich spoilt bratty bitch, she deserves to be put in her place. I have every right to say what I wish to do this.
I didn’t like the fact that my girlfriends skirt was too short so I had every right to humiliate her in front of her friends by saying, loudly, in front of everyone that she was flashing everything she owned.
People never stop to think that maybe there is more going on behind closed doors. They don’t think that maybe someone is just friendly or doesn’t like to treat people like they don’t matter just because they don’t know them or are a certain type of person. People don’t think that maybe girls just like to wear short skirts because they feel they look nice in them and that is doesn’t mean they are a whore. Girls should be allowed to wear what they wish without being judged or pawed at.
People don’t realize that humiliating someone and treating a girl like she is cheap can destroy a person, and, in my view, is a form of abuse….
In future I would rather just be punched in the face, I would find it less traumatizing thank you. It is in fact, far less damaging. Just love it when men say I would never hit a woman. Well sweeties it is a hell of a lot better than groping at her when she does not want to be touched or calling her a dog, fat or a slut. Think about that. People have no excuse to say or do as they like to others.
There really is no such thing as entitlement in my opinion.
Most of the above examples speak for themselves. People, in general, are really revolting creatures.
Tuesday, July 17
Foreign Objects.
I am sure most people who do not live in a cave have been watching Greys religiously. So last night the pair of runts and I are watching and it comes to the part where the woman has a foreign object stuck inside her. Open door, see couple, Cuteness’s registering rate – immediate. The parents needed a little more help…..
Side Note: The parents appear to have a slight hearing problem, a great irritation in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mamma Cuteness: Who is the man?
The Don: What?
Mamma Cuteness: THE MAN WHO IS HE?
Cuteness: her husband.
The Don: who?
Cuteness: HER HUSBAND.
(Greys in the background, establish that it is in fact the ex-hubby.)
Cuteness: oh, her ex.
Pair of Runts: who?
Cuteness: HER EX HUSBAND.
Mamma Cuteness: Well what is he doing there? Why are they in that position? I though she had a foreign object stuck.
(The Don now listening…)
Cuteness: Her husband is the foreign object.
Pair of Runts: Hey?
Cuteness: HER HUSBAND IS THE FOREIGN OBJECT.
(Silence)
The Don: How does that happen?
Mamma Cuteness: oh my god, I could think of nothing worse.
The Don giggles and continues watching. My mother shaking her head at the mere thought!
A little while later we learn of the piercing…
The Don: we still don’t know how they are stuck.
Mamma Cuteness: what?
The Don ignores her…
Mamma Cuteness: He has a pissing?
Cuteness: no mom a piieerrcciinng.
The Don: A what?
Cuteness: A PIERCING.
Mamma Cuteness: so?
Cuteness: that’s how they stuck.
Mamma Cuteness: what kind of piercing gets you stuck like that?
The Don: What?
(I look at my mother, you are not THIS stupid!!!!!)
Mamma Cuteness: HE HAS A PIERCING THAT IS STUCK THE DON.
The Don: oh, how does that work?
Cuteness: (I say this loudly so I don’t have to repeat this and continue this hell) THE MAN HAS A PIERCING THAT CAUSED THEM TO GET STUCK IN THIS SITUATION.
Pair of Runts: oohhhh…. (Giggle)
At this point I am ready to kill both of them and the writers!!!
And all I was wondering was how the hell did they get to the hospital?!
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Side Note: The parents appear to have a slight hearing problem, a great irritation in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mamma Cuteness: Who is the man?
The Don: What?
Mamma Cuteness: THE MAN WHO IS HE?
Cuteness: her husband.
The Don: who?
Cuteness: HER HUSBAND.
(Greys in the background, establish that it is in fact the ex-hubby.)
Cuteness: oh, her ex.
Pair of Runts: who?
Cuteness: HER EX HUSBAND.
Mamma Cuteness: Well what is he doing there? Why are they in that position? I though she had a foreign object stuck.
(The Don now listening…)
Cuteness: Her husband is the foreign object.
Pair of Runts: Hey?
Cuteness: HER HUSBAND IS THE FOREIGN OBJECT.
(Silence)
The Don: How does that happen?
Mamma Cuteness: oh my god, I could think of nothing worse.
The Don giggles and continues watching. My mother shaking her head at the mere thought!
A little while later we learn of the piercing…
The Don: we still don’t know how they are stuck.
Mamma Cuteness: what?
The Don ignores her…
Mamma Cuteness: He has a pissing?
Cuteness: no mom a piieerrcciinng.
The Don: A what?
Cuteness: A PIERCING.
Mamma Cuteness: so?
Cuteness: that’s how they stuck.
Mamma Cuteness: what kind of piercing gets you stuck like that?
The Don: What?
(I look at my mother, you are not THIS stupid!!!!!)
Mamma Cuteness: HE HAS A PIERCING THAT IS STUCK THE DON.
The Don: oh, how does that work?
Cuteness: (I say this loudly so I don’t have to repeat this and continue this hell) THE MAN HAS A PIERCING THAT CAUSED THEM TO GET STUCK IN THIS SITUATION.
Pair of Runts: oohhhh…. (Giggle)
At this point I am ready to kill both of them and the writers!!!
And all I was wondering was how the hell did they get to the hospital?!
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Tuesday, July 10
Back to the Future.
I have very little relationship experience and always thought I was the girl who would never go back to the ex. I mean once its over, its over. Breaking up is hard to do, but staying that way is actually harder.
I broke up with my ex in December. It was a hugely messy breakup and there were times when I thought it would be the easiest thing to get back together, and then all that was going on would stop. Eventually he started seeing someone else and he eased up a bit which was fantastic, I was exhausted after 5 months trying to be fair and firm and not hurting anyone. And so the task began to repair our friendship. Not many people understand our relationship but he is a good friend and has always been a good friend. He knows who I am and what I am. He is someone who will always be my friend. In the last couple of months we have been getting on very well and I thought it would nice to see him, without a huge drama ensuing. So after 7 months I went off to see the ex.
Now nothing happened and we are not back together. But when I arrived home I was extremely sad. Even after all that time, in familiar surroundings, it was strange not to reach out and touch him or snuggle up to him while watching Borat. Or even give him the odd little surprise kiss. There was an uncomfortable comfort to the evening.
It would be so easy, there isn’t the getting to know you stage, the fear of revealing too much about yourself because of what is there. Slowly sharing the things you are afraid to because most people would run in the opposite direction upon finding out. Discovering that there is a reason you don’t like to talk about yourself, and that you are not trying to be mysterious. You don’t have to explain things from the beginning because he was there at the beginning. There is no need to build up that trust because it is there already. (Clearly starting up a relationship is a bit of a hassle for me, perhaps why I’m still single and don’t really get passed the 2nd date). All in all it is just easier and safer.
All that I have written above is why people get back together, for all the WRONG reasons. Some do it for the right reasons, obviously.
I realized how much I have missed his company and I think I was sad because I finally mourned the relationship. There was nothing going on, no chaos or drama when I arrived home, just silence. It was an interesting experience, something new and different for me. All of it. And none of this makes any sense!
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
I broke up with my ex in December. It was a hugely messy breakup and there were times when I thought it would be the easiest thing to get back together, and then all that was going on would stop. Eventually he started seeing someone else and he eased up a bit which was fantastic, I was exhausted after 5 months trying to be fair and firm and not hurting anyone. And so the task began to repair our friendship. Not many people understand our relationship but he is a good friend and has always been a good friend. He knows who I am and what I am. He is someone who will always be my friend. In the last couple of months we have been getting on very well and I thought it would nice to see him, without a huge drama ensuing. So after 7 months I went off to see the ex.
Now nothing happened and we are not back together. But when I arrived home I was extremely sad. Even after all that time, in familiar surroundings, it was strange not to reach out and touch him or snuggle up to him while watching Borat. Or even give him the odd little surprise kiss. There was an uncomfortable comfort to the evening.
It would be so easy, there isn’t the getting to know you stage, the fear of revealing too much about yourself because of what is there. Slowly sharing the things you are afraid to because most people would run in the opposite direction upon finding out. Discovering that there is a reason you don’t like to talk about yourself, and that you are not trying to be mysterious. You don’t have to explain things from the beginning because he was there at the beginning. There is no need to build up that trust because it is there already. (Clearly starting up a relationship is a bit of a hassle for me, perhaps why I’m still single and don’t really get passed the 2nd date). All in all it is just easier and safer.
All that I have written above is why people get back together, for all the WRONG reasons. Some do it for the right reasons, obviously.
I realized how much I have missed his company and I think I was sad because I finally mourned the relationship. There was nothing going on, no chaos or drama when I arrived home, just silence. It was an interesting experience, something new and different for me. All of it. And none of this makes any sense!
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Wednesday, July 4
Puddles or Pools
So last week was nice and chilled. We went off to the farm after a few not so nice and unchilled happenings. We met Beers’s new girl, who all in all seems really nice and isn’t the size (including height) of my leg. She thought we were nice too and told my brother that it was really nice to meet people who aren’t stuck up, who are friendly, fun and ordinary. Personally I took exception to this. There is absolutely nothing, not even a smidgen of ordinary in me. I mean forgetting everything else, I am completely insane! Anyway moving along. After having a night of laughs and spending our time talking in the crime and investigation narration voice, (the narrators go to a special school i'm telling you.) we headed off to bed. Now it gets so cold that you pile on so many blankets you cannot move all night and breathing is difficult. Sleeping with a gas heater on is, well, stupid.
The rest of the week was pretty uneventful.
I did get lost walking in the bush though, for about 2 hours. It’s not really a huge issue, getting lost, as long as you get home before its dark, you don’t run into any snakes or one of the leopards that live in the entire Waterberg area. It is also good to have a good sense of direction (like being able to remember the sun sets in the West). So it was getting later and colder, dusk was upon me and I had still not reached the ridge. I had decided to head that way because once I found it I knew I would know where I was. Finally I phoned my sister and we eventually found each other, getting home before dark or becoming leopard food. You know how people say that when you need it, your sense of survival kicks in??? Complete crap!!!!!!! Not only was I walking in circles basically but I was walking in the opposite direction to the ridge!
On the Friday we took a drive down to the beach. This is basically a little patch of sand next to the river. It’s pretty dry at the moment so one can explore quite a large area of rock. There are tiny little pools and small small rapids. Now my one dog is a complete princess but will run and explore as long as she doesn’t get her paws wet (I mean good god imagine!!!). The other one is also a little prissy but enjoys running around and exploring. She has huge fun at the beach. She is however so terrified of water, she gets nervous around her water bowl. Not this Friday. She was dashing in and out the puddles, getting sopping. Jumping on sandbanks and running in the water a little and out, then barking at it like it would run, terrified by the yap of a too small Pekingese. I was watching carefully just in case she decided to go swim with the hippo. Firstly she can’t swim and secondly it’s a HIPPO! Anyway I lost sight of her for a bit, only to discover her desperately trying to not to sink in a puddle (well for her a pool). I baywatched to her rescue, amazed that I didn’t break anything considering the rocks I ran over and climbed and my world-famous clumsiness. I grabbed her out of the puddle um pool just as she started to go under and saved her. Both of us now sopping I walked to safer territory only to see that my family was looking at me like I was mad?!? I put the dog down and she sprinted off to continue her afternoon romp while I stood there drenched and freezing.
Dumb Dog.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
The rest of the week was pretty uneventful.
I did get lost walking in the bush though, for about 2 hours. It’s not really a huge issue, getting lost, as long as you get home before its dark, you don’t run into any snakes or one of the leopards that live in the entire Waterberg area. It is also good to have a good sense of direction (like being able to remember the sun sets in the West). So it was getting later and colder, dusk was upon me and I had still not reached the ridge. I had decided to head that way because once I found it I knew I would know where I was. Finally I phoned my sister and we eventually found each other, getting home before dark or becoming leopard food. You know how people say that when you need it, your sense of survival kicks in??? Complete crap!!!!!!! Not only was I walking in circles basically but I was walking in the opposite direction to the ridge!
On the Friday we took a drive down to the beach. This is basically a little patch of sand next to the river. It’s pretty dry at the moment so one can explore quite a large area of rock. There are tiny little pools and small small rapids. Now my one dog is a complete princess but will run and explore as long as she doesn’t get her paws wet (I mean good god imagine!!!). The other one is also a little prissy but enjoys running around and exploring. She has huge fun at the beach. She is however so terrified of water, she gets nervous around her water bowl. Not this Friday. She was dashing in and out the puddles, getting sopping. Jumping on sandbanks and running in the water a little and out, then barking at it like it would run, terrified by the yap of a too small Pekingese. I was watching carefully just in case she decided to go swim with the hippo. Firstly she can’t swim and secondly it’s a HIPPO! Anyway I lost sight of her for a bit, only to discover her desperately trying to not to sink in a puddle (well for her a pool). I baywatched to her rescue, amazed that I didn’t break anything considering the rocks I ran over and climbed and my world-famous clumsiness. I grabbed her out of the puddle um pool just as she started to go under and saved her. Both of us now sopping I walked to safer territory only to see that my family was looking at me like I was mad?!? I put the dog down and she sprinted off to continue her afternoon romp while I stood there drenched and freezing.
Dumb Dog.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Friday, June 22
Conversations with Mamma Cuteness
There are times in every girls' life that they realise their mother is totally insane! Now i have known that my mother is insane for quite sometime. Although I cannot remember the exact moment I realised this. It could have been the time she threw a stool across the school hall and breaking it (did I mention it was a metal stool) because a student was rude. Luckily no one was injured in the incident, except the stool. Or it might have been the time she was dancing in the rain with her umbrella (closed) outside the Keg and Dolphin, singing Cuteness, cuteness,come here we are leaving! Luckily the mates I was with knew of my mother.... Or it could have been the time the phone rang and she sat down to answer it, and said "Hello" without actually picking up the phone?
Lately my mother has been rather less insane I guess one could say, due to certain instances not to be discussed, but over the last week, I have certain glitters of the good old Mamma Cuteness.
Last week Saturday Morning. Previous evening was spent at the infamous Maneater.
now i have met everyone's boyfriends so this question was a little odd to me...
Cuteness: None mom.
Mamma Cuteness: (slams coffee cup) This is ridiculous!!!!!!!!! Its time you find a
boyfriend. I mean really! You know you are just like me. (hmmm)
You know how to flirt but you don't know how to come on to guys,
letting them know you like them. Its a complete miracle I married
your father, the poor man had to chase and chase. Didn't you The Don?
The Don: Yup.
Cuteness: So mom made you work hard hey dad?
The Don: Yup.
(The Don is a man of few words.)
Mamma Cuteness: I don't know what it is Cuteness but you don't have it. Doc has it, and
CT (oldest friend in the world) has it, but you just don't that certain
thing...
The Don: Mmmmmmmm that is true.
Mamma Cuteness: We are not saying you are unattractive, at all!! I just don't know
anymore.
(right about now I am feeling like Rosie 0'Donnel before bypass surgery)
Then last night we went off to watch her school play. Was an enjoyable evening as we laughed as the boys dressed as girls swished their hips and flirted with the male actors....
Afterwards while saying bye to Mamma Cuteness she grabbed my arm and said I was not to leave because I had to meet the boy who played the captain in the play as she had told him he could marry me. Luckily as she rushed off to find my 17 year old future husband she got sidetracked and the meeting never happened.
Now I know that I am getting a bit older now, and that my mother has given up on Drug Dealer and Beers but seriously, a 17 year old? SERIOUSLY?!?!
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Lately my mother has been rather less insane I guess one could say, due to certain instances not to be discussed, but over the last week, I have certain glitters of the good old Mamma Cuteness.
Last week Saturday Morning. Previous evening was spent at the infamous Maneater.
Mamma Cuteness: So what boyfriend did you meet last night?
Cuteness: None mom.
Mamma Cuteness: (slams coffee cup) This is ridiculous!!!!!!!!! Its time you find a
boyfriend. I mean really! You know you are just like me. (hmmm)
You know how to flirt but you don't know how to come on to guys,
letting them know you like them. Its a complete miracle I married
your father, the poor man had to chase and chase. Didn't you The Don?
The Don: Yup.
Cuteness: So mom made you work hard hey dad?
The Don: Yup.
(The Don is a man of few words.)
Mamma Cuteness: I don't know what it is Cuteness but you don't have it. Doc has it, and
CT (oldest friend in the world) has it, but you just don't that certain
thing...
The Don: Mmmmmmmm that is true.
Mamma Cuteness: We are not saying you are unattractive, at all!! I just don't know
anymore.
(right about now I am feeling like Rosie 0'Donnel before bypass surgery)
Then last night we went off to watch her school play. Was an enjoyable evening as we laughed as the boys dressed as girls swished their hips and flirted with the male actors....
Afterwards while saying bye to Mamma Cuteness she grabbed my arm and said I was not to leave because I had to meet the boy who played the captain in the play as she had told him he could marry me. Luckily as she rushed off to find my 17 year old future husband she got sidetracked and the meeting never happened.
Now I know that I am getting a bit older now, and that my mother has given up on Drug Dealer and Beers but seriously, a 17 year old? SERIOUSLY?!?!
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Saturday, June 16
Booze Poops.
Now most that know me know I am not one to discuss bodily functions. I have issues with bodily functions. I was in Std 8 when I first used a public loo. I realized that one cannot go to a club and not pee all night, one would surely die. (Even though the female bladder can hold up to 6 litres. It is not a good idea to test this however, as one would end up in hospital or die). So it was my venturing into the world of night clubs and drinking that finally enabled me to use a public loo. So now I am finally comfortable with the whole peeing concept. (Until Durban decided that knocking was optional and discovered me on the loo).
Having ‘slightly’ over-shared with you all now, Im sure you can gather that this post is in fact not about real booze poops, but something different, a different effect that booze has on people that has them running in a different direction. I am talking about verbal booze poops. The word vomit that just comes out of you when you have had a few too many, you know its happening, you know you don’t want to be saying the things you are but no matter how you try to control it (or the other person tries to shut you up) there is no stopping those words from leaving your mouth.
So yes, when Im drunk I don’t shut up. Everyone is my best friend and I am so overjoyed to see everyone. (Visualize big dramatic eeekkk and a huge hug filled with much laughter and joy. Not pretty!). And if we start talking, I will tell you everything! Things that I refuse to write down because most people can read writing but not minds. I will tell you about my secret crush, my bra size, my weight and in fact Ill even show you my underwear. (Even if you didn’t ask to see it, I believe at that time you need see my undergarments because they are just so pretty!) I will tell you about the first time I heard my parents doing the unthinkable and the most recent time, and how important I think it is to have a great sex-life, even after 60 and how thrilled I am that they still have a good sex-life because after all it’s a sign of a happy and healthy marriage. I will tell you my theories on global warming and how I believe it is hugely hugely hugely exaggerated (another post perhaps). I will tell you if you are my crush and that I will no longer harass you so you can rest easy. (Happened more than once!) If I do not like your hair, clothes or even you, I will tell you and give you a big hug afterwards like you are my sister and then buy you a drink. No secret of mine is sacred which I discovered on Friday night as I rambled on and on and on and on and on to some poor mate.
I know most people over share after a few so to all those who know people how cannot hold their words as well as they can hold their alcohol, if you see those words about to fly out their mouths, grab their hand and buy them a drink or take them to dance those words off! You will be saving yourself and them.
Remain Infinitely Cute (and quiet)
XXX
Having ‘slightly’ over-shared with you all now, Im sure you can gather that this post is in fact not about real booze poops, but something different, a different effect that booze has on people that has them running in a different direction. I am talking about verbal booze poops. The word vomit that just comes out of you when you have had a few too many, you know its happening, you know you don’t want to be saying the things you are but no matter how you try to control it (or the other person tries to shut you up) there is no stopping those words from leaving your mouth.
So yes, when Im drunk I don’t shut up. Everyone is my best friend and I am so overjoyed to see everyone. (Visualize big dramatic eeekkk and a huge hug filled with much laughter and joy. Not pretty!). And if we start talking, I will tell you everything! Things that I refuse to write down because most people can read writing but not minds. I will tell you about my secret crush, my bra size, my weight and in fact Ill even show you my underwear. (Even if you didn’t ask to see it, I believe at that time you need see my undergarments because they are just so pretty!) I will tell you about the first time I heard my parents doing the unthinkable and the most recent time, and how important I think it is to have a great sex-life, even after 60 and how thrilled I am that they still have a good sex-life because after all it’s a sign of a happy and healthy marriage. I will tell you my theories on global warming and how I believe it is hugely hugely hugely exaggerated (another post perhaps). I will tell you if you are my crush and that I will no longer harass you so you can rest easy. (Happened more than once!) If I do not like your hair, clothes or even you, I will tell you and give you a big hug afterwards like you are my sister and then buy you a drink. No secret of mine is sacred which I discovered on Friday night as I rambled on and on and on and on and on to some poor mate.
I know most people over share after a few so to all those who know people how cannot hold their words as well as they can hold their alcohol, if you see those words about to fly out their mouths, grab their hand and buy them a drink or take them to dance those words off! You will be saving yourself and them.
Remain Infinitely Cute (and quiet)
XXX
Tuesday, June 12
Regrets
so it seems today i am having one of those days, so for those of you who cant stand these days of mine, simply top reading now...
Seeing as its June and we are somewhere near the middle of the year, i took a look back at the previous 6 months. Unfortunately this little backtrack of mine was filled mostly with regrets...
Firstly i angered and hurt someone extremely badly. (Although i am currently very very very slowly growing back to normal size after feeling exceptionally small after a few social encounters with this person)
Secondly unburdening my secret to my parents at time when things were hard enough for them. (and family) My timing could have been better but i guess some things cannot be held inside any longer.
My third regret is wasting so much energy on 2 people. It fuels my rage and sadness everyday. Mostly with myself. Firstly, because the one person evokes any kind of emotion in me at all, i wish to be totally indifferent towards this person and am unable to do so. It is positively infuriating!!!
Secondly I am angry for wasting time on another person, for falling for them, knowing that they are most likely wrong in every way, that nothing would come of it but still breaking my no-expectations rule.
And finally for not being able to tell everyone what it is really like to be me.
these are the ones that stick out at the moment....
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Seeing as its June and we are somewhere near the middle of the year, i took a look back at the previous 6 months. Unfortunately this little backtrack of mine was filled mostly with regrets...
Firstly i angered and hurt someone extremely badly. (Although i am currently very very very slowly growing back to normal size after feeling exceptionally small after a few social encounters with this person)
Secondly unburdening my secret to my parents at time when things were hard enough for them. (and family) My timing could have been better but i guess some things cannot be held inside any longer.
My third regret is wasting so much energy on 2 people. It fuels my rage and sadness everyday. Mostly with myself. Firstly, because the one person evokes any kind of emotion in me at all, i wish to be totally indifferent towards this person and am unable to do so. It is positively infuriating!!!
Secondly I am angry for wasting time on another person, for falling for them, knowing that they are most likely wrong in every way, that nothing would come of it but still breaking my no-expectations rule.
And finally for not being able to tell everyone what it is really like to be me.
these are the ones that stick out at the moment....
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Tuesday, June 5
How to save a life.
How to save a life.
There are people in your life you laugh and cry with. You can have huge amounts of fun with them, you feel at ease with them. They know you well and they know your faults, they accept you despite them. They know your moods and respect them. They are supportive of you and you are of them.
These are the people that make you grow.
Then there are people in your life that don’t need to see tears to know that you are crying. They know when you have cried yourself to sleep just by looking at you. They know your nervous laugh, your fake laugh, your “I’m ok” laugh and your real laugh. They can tell what you thinking or what you want just by subtle changes in your facial expressions. They know the songs you love, ones you will like, the ones you hate and the ones with very bad memories. They know what you need and when you are heading for a crash landing before you do. They know when you have done something completely uncharacteristic and this causes them to worry. They consider the smallest thing that might make you uncomfortable when most people wouldn’t think about it or even care. Their friendship with you is completely unselfish and yours is the same with them. They are completely honest with you. You do not need to explain or tell them of your problems or feelings because they innately know, understand and care, taking away that feeling of loneliness away with even a simple text that could actually have nothing but a full stop in it or an x. They consider you at all times, knowing what you would feel in just about every situation. They know your phobias and fears and no matter how silly, respect them and consider them at all times. You feel safe and secure in their company, a little untouchable bubble of love and loyalty, where all in the bubble are protected and cared for equally. They do not judge you but stand beside you and they hold you up when you are unable to do so yourself.
These are the people that save your life.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
There are people in your life you laugh and cry with. You can have huge amounts of fun with them, you feel at ease with them. They know you well and they know your faults, they accept you despite them. They know your moods and respect them. They are supportive of you and you are of them.
These are the people that make you grow.
Then there are people in your life that don’t need to see tears to know that you are crying. They know when you have cried yourself to sleep just by looking at you. They know your nervous laugh, your fake laugh, your “I’m ok” laugh and your real laugh. They can tell what you thinking or what you want just by subtle changes in your facial expressions. They know the songs you love, ones you will like, the ones you hate and the ones with very bad memories. They know what you need and when you are heading for a crash landing before you do. They know when you have done something completely uncharacteristic and this causes them to worry. They consider the smallest thing that might make you uncomfortable when most people wouldn’t think about it or even care. Their friendship with you is completely unselfish and yours is the same with them. They are completely honest with you. You do not need to explain or tell them of your problems or feelings because they innately know, understand and care, taking away that feeling of loneliness away with even a simple text that could actually have nothing but a full stop in it or an x. They consider you at all times, knowing what you would feel in just about every situation. They know your phobias and fears and no matter how silly, respect them and consider them at all times. You feel safe and secure in their company, a little untouchable bubble of love and loyalty, where all in the bubble are protected and cared for equally. They do not judge you but stand beside you and they hold you up when you are unable to do so yourself.
These are the people that save your life.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Thursday, May 31
More Experience.
Chapter 3.
Thought Processes. (Or lack thereof)
My sister went into a loo cubicle to have a quick pee. When she was done she couldn’t open the door. After kicking, bumping the door she eventually jumped off the toilet at the door, severely injuring her shoulder. Still the door did not open. So she climbed into the next-door cubicle only to see that doors infact opened inward. She then proceeded to climb back into her original cubicle opened the door the right way and walked out of the bathroom (this happened just prior to her getting stuck in the ditch).
Cuteness.
In drunken states I have walked into a garage door, fallen over a fire place, fallen down the stairs at Manhattan (getting carpet burn on my arm), fallen off a stool while sitting stool (on many occasion, and not only while drunk), danced on the stage at Kilimanjaro on my OWN in a playboy bunny outfit and danced on many a table.
A couple of weeks ago, I was dropped off at home. My original lift had my house keys and after hiding from the person who dropped me off (so it would seem I had got inside and they would go away!!) I decided to climb the back gate, in knee high pointy stiletto boots. Near the top of the gate I decided this was pointless as I would have to wake my mother up let me in either way and going through the front door would be so much easier. Instead of gently climbing down to the ground, I just let go of the gate, half expecting myself to be just standing at the end of the driveway. Instead I found myself lying on the ground, grazed, bruised and slightly winded. Most of the evening is a complete blank for me but I remember my gate climbing attempt. Apparently after this I phoned my mother to let me in. she opened the front door to find her youngest child on her knees on the front door step, her arms stretched above her, hanging onto the gate, unconscious. Once she had let me in, I went through to the kitchen to make tea but she told me the next morning she didn’t know if there was any left because she had found tea messed on the floor from one end of the house to the other. She calls that night simply “Cuteness’s Bender”
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Thought Processes. (Or lack thereof)
My sister went into a loo cubicle to have a quick pee. When she was done she couldn’t open the door. After kicking, bumping the door she eventually jumped off the toilet at the door, severely injuring her shoulder. Still the door did not open. So she climbed into the next-door cubicle only to see that doors infact opened inward. She then proceeded to climb back into her original cubicle opened the door the right way and walked out of the bathroom (this happened just prior to her getting stuck in the ditch).
Cuteness.
In drunken states I have walked into a garage door, fallen over a fire place, fallen down the stairs at Manhattan (getting carpet burn on my arm), fallen off a stool while sitting stool (on many occasion, and not only while drunk), danced on the stage at Kilimanjaro on my OWN in a playboy bunny outfit and danced on many a table.
A couple of weeks ago, I was dropped off at home. My original lift had my house keys and after hiding from the person who dropped me off (so it would seem I had got inside and they would go away!!) I decided to climb the back gate, in knee high pointy stiletto boots. Near the top of the gate I decided this was pointless as I would have to wake my mother up let me in either way and going through the front door would be so much easier. Instead of gently climbing down to the ground, I just let go of the gate, half expecting myself to be just standing at the end of the driveway. Instead I found myself lying on the ground, grazed, bruised and slightly winded. Most of the evening is a complete blank for me but I remember my gate climbing attempt. Apparently after this I phoned my mother to let me in. she opened the front door to find her youngest child on her knees on the front door step, her arms stretched above her, hanging onto the gate, unconscious. Once she had let me in, I went through to the kitchen to make tea but she told me the next morning she didn’t know if there was any left because she had found tea messed on the floor from one end of the house to the other. She calls that night simply “Cuteness’s Bender”
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Monday, May 28
Experience cont..
Chapter 2
When not to relieve your body of all alcoholic toxins.
A mother entrusted her 14 year old daughter in the hands of her two older and responsible sons to take her out and enjoy an evening of responsible partying. Now what mother wouldn’t be able to trust that 2 strapping young men would not look after their little and innocent little sister, protecting her from the evils that awaited her in the form of the Neptune Festival. Well it seems this mother had made a slight error in judgment. Upon their (very very late) return home, to a very angry mum waiting at the front door (then you know it’s bad!) the sweet innocent (hugely intoxicated) 14 year old girl greeted her mom with a bright “hi mom” and then her body proceeded to rid itself of its toxins in the pot-plant next to the front door.
A few of us decided to have a girl’s dinner one night and we ended up at The Hat. It turned out to be a particularly large one I must say! On our way home a cop pulled us over to check intoxication levels at which point my mate’s body (in the passenger seat) decided it was time to rid itself of its toxins. She opened the car door and continued to do so for a bit. The cop paused for a bit rather taken aback by this situation. (Specially because I was sitting in the back chanting “breathalyze me! Breathalyze me!”)
After a matric dance after party a friend and I were sitting in her dad’s car as we drove home at roughly 7am. It had obviously been a looooooong night and at EVERY robot she opened her car door to allow her body to rid itself of the toxins that had made their way around her blood stream the entire night. Quite drive home.
End of Chapter 2
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
When not to relieve your body of all alcoholic toxins.
A mother entrusted her 14 year old daughter in the hands of her two older and responsible sons to take her out and enjoy an evening of responsible partying. Now what mother wouldn’t be able to trust that 2 strapping young men would not look after their little and innocent little sister, protecting her from the evils that awaited her in the form of the Neptune Festival. Well it seems this mother had made a slight error in judgment. Upon their (very very late) return home, to a very angry mum waiting at the front door (then you know it’s bad!) the sweet innocent (hugely intoxicated) 14 year old girl greeted her mom with a bright “hi mom” and then her body proceeded to rid itself of its toxins in the pot-plant next to the front door.
A few of us decided to have a girl’s dinner one night and we ended up at The Hat. It turned out to be a particularly large one I must say! On our way home a cop pulled us over to check intoxication levels at which point my mate’s body (in the passenger seat) decided it was time to rid itself of its toxins. She opened the car door and continued to do so for a bit. The cop paused for a bit rather taken aback by this situation. (Specially because I was sitting in the back chanting “breathalyze me! Breathalyze me!”)
After a matric dance after party a friend and I were sitting in her dad’s car as we drove home at roughly 7am. It had obviously been a looooooong night and at EVERY robot she opened her car door to allow her body to rid itself of the toxins that had made their way around her blood stream the entire night. Quite drive home.
End of Chapter 2
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Thursday, May 24
Experience.
Chapter 1
Every person has at least 3 hugely tacky drunken moments in their lives. Recently chatting to friends and family I realized I could write a book of various drunken LCs that could cure and perhaps enhance others battling the morning after. Here are a few for the hall of fame. (Names have been excluded for self preservation purposes – except for family, they stuck with me no matter what).
Weird Sleeping places…
One friend found herself sleeping on her flat balcony after not having house keys, being unable to wake flat mate by hitting on her window with a broom and climbing over 3 other balconies, 3 times trying to see if their keys fitted her balcony door. Did I mention it was raining? She did however manage to sleep out there till 11 till her mates woke her because she was getting too sunburnt.
Another mate, one who is decidedly tall, got out of his bed, and climbed into the bath to sleep away the rest of the night. I must say, when I discovered him on my way to pee he looked hugely comfortable but I couldn’t understand why he had left a warm bed and gorgeous girlfriend for a bath?! Even if, by some small chance, she had kicked out of the b, there were 2 lovely soft couches on which he could lay his head. We still to this day do not know why he chose the welcoming walls of the bath to rest.
One night my brother decided it was far too much effort to unlock his flat door that was right by the gate he had just come in through. So he walked around to the front garden and chose to sleep in my Wendy house.
My sister, on a drunken camping trip fell in a dug out ditch that was used to mark the different camping areas for different parties. After many failed attempts to get out of the ditch, she decided to just sleep there. The people who had sat and watched her try to battle her way out of the ditch for half an hour eventually rescued her.
Another mate of mine decided that he needed to sleep and wasn’t patient enough to wait for us to finish off our dancing. He vanished. On our way to the car I phoned to find out where he was situated and he told me he was at the car. What he failed to mention was that he was lying next to the car, sleeping on the tar, extremely happy. He then refused to get up because he was comfortable. But this feeling didn’t stop him from moaning that he had to lie on the tar and wait for us (men!).
End of Chapter 1.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Every person has at least 3 hugely tacky drunken moments in their lives. Recently chatting to friends and family I realized I could write a book of various drunken LCs that could cure and perhaps enhance others battling the morning after. Here are a few for the hall of fame. (Names have been excluded for self preservation purposes – except for family, they stuck with me no matter what).
Weird Sleeping places…
One friend found herself sleeping on her flat balcony after not having house keys, being unable to wake flat mate by hitting on her window with a broom and climbing over 3 other balconies, 3 times trying to see if their keys fitted her balcony door. Did I mention it was raining? She did however manage to sleep out there till 11 till her mates woke her because she was getting too sunburnt.
Another mate, one who is decidedly tall, got out of his bed, and climbed into the bath to sleep away the rest of the night. I must say, when I discovered him on my way to pee he looked hugely comfortable but I couldn’t understand why he had left a warm bed and gorgeous girlfriend for a bath?! Even if, by some small chance, she had kicked out of the b, there were 2 lovely soft couches on which he could lay his head. We still to this day do not know why he chose the welcoming walls of the bath to rest.
One night my brother decided it was far too much effort to unlock his flat door that was right by the gate he had just come in through. So he walked around to the front garden and chose to sleep in my Wendy house.
My sister, on a drunken camping trip fell in a dug out ditch that was used to mark the different camping areas for different parties. After many failed attempts to get out of the ditch, she decided to just sleep there. The people who had sat and watched her try to battle her way out of the ditch for half an hour eventually rescued her.
Another mate of mine decided that he needed to sleep and wasn’t patient enough to wait for us to finish off our dancing. He vanished. On our way to the car I phoned to find out where he was situated and he told me he was at the car. What he failed to mention was that he was lying next to the car, sleeping on the tar, extremely happy. He then refused to get up because he was comfortable. But this feeling didn’t stop him from moaning that he had to lie on the tar and wait for us (men!).
End of Chapter 1.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Sunday, May 20
A Book of Faces.
On many occasions View United has marveled at the addiction and wonder that is Facebook. People spend hours writing on walls, responding to endless threads and searching for long lost familiar faces. When you log onto Facebook there are a list of pokes, your friends that are thinking about you and want to say hi in a little cheeky way that can only make you smile. You can see what people have been doing, where they have been and who they have seen. You can tell by their status whether they are having a good or bad day. You can see when things have gone from being in an open relationship to its complicated to single or who is in a relationship. You can tell whether they threw some name on the weekend just by reading their friends’ teasing remarks. You can find people who read the same books, like the same music or who have studied or studying the same thing as you. Facebook is a marvelous and unbelievable way to maintain contact with your close friends on a daily basis and find people you knew in a previous life from schools or childhood. It is a hugely addictive networking tool that one is constantly surprised by who is longing in to join the Facebook phenomenon.
One thing that I love about Facebook is you get to see where people are now, who they have become. The girl who would pull your pigtails and be mean to you all through primary school is now a mature individual who is happy reconnect with an old friend, throwing out compliments and interested in what you been up to. The girl who was a “less than average” student is just about to complete her doctorate in some ridiculously hard-to-remember thing, but you know it’s hard and interesting. The girl who was going to get married at 21 and have babies by 23 to her high school boyfriend is now single (and loving it) and traveling the globe and experiencing things most people cant imagine. The school nerd is now sporting platinum blonde hair and a skelt (a skirt so short it should be worn as a belt) with a ciggy hanging from her lips, tequila in her hand and a group of men surrounding this carefree and intoxicating woman. The future CEO is now married with twins, a stay-at-home mom and as happy as anyone could ever be. The girl who was spectacular to look at, although you hardly got to see her because she was constantly surrounded by males is now a plain-Jane (peak-too-sooner) and prefers it that way. The fat-girl is looking phenomenal but remains the same sweet, funny and lovely girl she always was (fat-girl syndrome). The girl who was arrogant but completely magnetic to all those that encountered her, is now, well, just arrogant.
Your close friends seem exactly the same, looking at the changes of the other girls, they haven’t changed at all. Although you realize this is because you, as a group, have changed together.
It is always interesting to see how people are, what they are doing and who they have become after years of not seeing them. But once the reconnection has been made and this is established, you are just glad that they are well, happy (I use these words very tentatively) and that you made a connection with someone who at some stage you spent everyday of your life with, for years.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
One thing that I love about Facebook is you get to see where people are now, who they have become. The girl who would pull your pigtails and be mean to you all through primary school is now a mature individual who is happy reconnect with an old friend, throwing out compliments and interested in what you been up to. The girl who was a “less than average” student is just about to complete her doctorate in some ridiculously hard-to-remember thing, but you know it’s hard and interesting. The girl who was going to get married at 21 and have babies by 23 to her high school boyfriend is now single (and loving it) and traveling the globe and experiencing things most people cant imagine. The school nerd is now sporting platinum blonde hair and a skelt (a skirt so short it should be worn as a belt) with a ciggy hanging from her lips, tequila in her hand and a group of men surrounding this carefree and intoxicating woman. The future CEO is now married with twins, a stay-at-home mom and as happy as anyone could ever be. The girl who was spectacular to look at, although you hardly got to see her because she was constantly surrounded by males is now a plain-Jane (peak-too-sooner) and prefers it that way. The fat-girl is looking phenomenal but remains the same sweet, funny and lovely girl she always was (fat-girl syndrome). The girl who was arrogant but completely magnetic to all those that encountered her, is now, well, just arrogant.
Your close friends seem exactly the same, looking at the changes of the other girls, they haven’t changed at all. Although you realize this is because you, as a group, have changed together.
It is always interesting to see how people are, what they are doing and who they have become after years of not seeing them. But once the reconnection has been made and this is established, you are just glad that they are well, happy (I use these words very tentatively) and that you made a connection with someone who at some stage you spent everyday of your life with, for years.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Friday, May 18
................
In the spirit of the Super 14 and just for my good friend Tit I would just like to say one thing today:
GO THE SHARKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, May 17
Cruelty
I have a confession.
I have 2 dogs. (That is not the confession) Well one cannot call them dogs, they are a step up from Chihuahuas. (That is the confession) They are Pekingese. Yes, Pekingese. As Tit so aptly puts it I would save a fortune on mops because I would just need to shove a stick up their asses and use them. And yes they do look they pummeled into a wall 700 times to create a complete lack of profile. Now we decided when we got these 2 dogs that we wanted the best, champions and we got, well, not champions. (Although we paid for champions). Firstly the one has severe sinus problems and cannot breathe problems so snorts as she breathes heavily. Her bottom jaw also juts out so badly that one could rest their cup of tea on it. The other looks like its father was a cat, her ears are too short and her tail is too long for her and both of their tongues are too long for their mouths and so are permanently sticking out, mouth closed or open, awake or asleep. They are hideous. But extremely cute and have loads of personality. They always run side by side and follow me around the house. They great everyone who walks in the door with great enthusiasm and are in constant competition for attention. If the one sits next to you, the other will sit on your lap, then the other will try to get closer. (Where I don’t know, but they try, even if it includes attempting climbing up a nostril).
They are Tweedledum and Tweedledee (not their real names).
Now they are a little like homing pigeons. They love to run off and explore (this is particularly nerve wracking on a 550 hectare game farm) but they always (ALWAYS) come home. Our complex at home is a circle and our house is in the middle. This is their racing track, where they train for the game farm. Every opportunity they get they bolt out, run around the complex, explore a little at first, then run around like one would run around a track and when they are tired come home, sit at the front door and bark so we come let them in. at first we would go after them to catch them, the one would just ignore us and the other would sprint towards us and at the last second veer to the side in an excellent dodge-a-tackle-rugby-move. They come home, its enclosed, its good exercise, most of the neighbours love them and think they are exceptionally cute and leave them to their devices, they don’t mind them, they don’t bite, bark (properly anyway) and in reality most rats are bigger than they are. Which is why today I was enraged by a certain neighbour!
The security guard passed on a message to say that if this neighbour saw them out again he would kill them. DISGUSTING. Specially considering their Maltese matted (clearly cared for) half breed come up to our gate and barks at them every opportunity it gets! It roams round the complex freely but they will kill our dogs!? I was very proud because this morning the girls got out and pooped on their driveway. (Well done girls! Unfortunately a frog's pooh is bigger than theirs). Now The Don does not care much for the girls, he doesn’t even know their names, but he was enraged and is going to deal with it (I pity the neighbour!)
Now the reason I called this post cruelty is because I have had problems with this family and dogs before. Their brat, I mean, son kicked their puppy one day cause he believed it would be funny. Well I let the little shit I mean boy have it. Another time I caught him and the other complex kids teasing my St Bernard’s (yes once I had real dogs). Now the St Bs were horses really so they were pretty brave, considering there were 2 of them. But it is very easy to tease dogs behind a gate. (That is why when I caught them teasing them I said that if I ever caught them at the gate again I would open it to even the playing field a little – a proud moment for me!). I do not understand how people can abuse their power over animals, the animal’s complete dependency on them. A dog is not a play-thing, if you are not going to love it, don’t get one. That advert years ago when the dog was put back in the present box broke many hearts, probably even the hearts of people who abuse, and continue to, abuse their animals.
Abuse of power is something I shall delve into deeper on another day.
Remain Infinitely Cute (and cruelty free)
XXX
I have 2 dogs. (That is not the confession) Well one cannot call them dogs, they are a step up from Chihuahuas. (That is the confession) They are Pekingese. Yes, Pekingese. As Tit so aptly puts it I would save a fortune on mops because I would just need to shove a stick up their asses and use them. And yes they do look they pummeled into a wall 700 times to create a complete lack of profile. Now we decided when we got these 2 dogs that we wanted the best, champions and we got, well, not champions. (Although we paid for champions). Firstly the one has severe sinus problems and cannot breathe problems so snorts as she breathes heavily. Her bottom jaw also juts out so badly that one could rest their cup of tea on it. The other looks like its father was a cat, her ears are too short and her tail is too long for her and both of their tongues are too long for their mouths and so are permanently sticking out, mouth closed or open, awake or asleep. They are hideous. But extremely cute and have loads of personality. They always run side by side and follow me around the house. They great everyone who walks in the door with great enthusiasm and are in constant competition for attention. If the one sits next to you, the other will sit on your lap, then the other will try to get closer. (Where I don’t know, but they try, even if it includes attempting climbing up a nostril).
They are Tweedledum and Tweedledee (not their real names).
Now they are a little like homing pigeons. They love to run off and explore (this is particularly nerve wracking on a 550 hectare game farm) but they always (ALWAYS) come home. Our complex at home is a circle and our house is in the middle. This is their racing track, where they train for the game farm. Every opportunity they get they bolt out, run around the complex, explore a little at first, then run around like one would run around a track and when they are tired come home, sit at the front door and bark so we come let them in. at first we would go after them to catch them, the one would just ignore us and the other would sprint towards us and at the last second veer to the side in an excellent dodge-a-tackle-rugby-move. They come home, its enclosed, its good exercise, most of the neighbours love them and think they are exceptionally cute and leave them to their devices, they don’t mind them, they don’t bite, bark (properly anyway) and in reality most rats are bigger than they are. Which is why today I was enraged by a certain neighbour!
The security guard passed on a message to say that if this neighbour saw them out again he would kill them. DISGUSTING. Specially considering their Maltese matted (clearly cared for) half breed come up to our gate and barks at them every opportunity it gets! It roams round the complex freely but they will kill our dogs!? I was very proud because this morning the girls got out and pooped on their driveway. (Well done girls! Unfortunately a frog's pooh is bigger than theirs). Now The Don does not care much for the girls, he doesn’t even know their names, but he was enraged and is going to deal with it (I pity the neighbour!)
Now the reason I called this post cruelty is because I have had problems with this family and dogs before. Their brat, I mean, son kicked their puppy one day cause he believed it would be funny. Well I let the little shit I mean boy have it. Another time I caught him and the other complex kids teasing my St Bernard’s (yes once I had real dogs). Now the St Bs were horses really so they were pretty brave, considering there were 2 of them. But it is very easy to tease dogs behind a gate. (That is why when I caught them teasing them I said that if I ever caught them at the gate again I would open it to even the playing field a little – a proud moment for me!). I do not understand how people can abuse their power over animals, the animal’s complete dependency on them. A dog is not a play-thing, if you are not going to love it, don’t get one. That advert years ago when the dog was put back in the present box broke many hearts, probably even the hearts of people who abuse, and continue to, abuse their animals.
Abuse of power is something I shall delve into deeper on another day.
Remain Infinitely Cute (and cruelty free)
XXX
Monday, May 14
a visit from the stork
yesterday we had the mother's day lunch but my cousin is up from England and is currently preggies. she is about 5.4 and about 5o kgs (if that) and has this huge soccer ball in front of her, it is hard to believe that she is only 6 months on with one child! she looks absolutely glorious, her cheeks have a wonderful red glow and her skin looks soft and velvety. it is really great to see my cousin so happy and content in life. she has not had an easy run of it, from childhood, and its nice to see things going smoothly.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Thursday, May 10
Meet the Cutenesses.
So last night we had a little family dinner at a restaurant in The View that has possibly the best seafood available! There was a purpose to this dinner……. Meeting my brother’s new girlfriend. Now generally meeting the family for the first time is a little nerve-wracking. But last night my heart went out to the poor girl! (Who shall be known as Oral-hygienist, for obvious reasons. Ok maybe OH because to write out oral hygienist over and over will probably give me carpal-tunnel.)
Now the table consisted of me (naturally), my sissy (drug dealer or DD), mamma cuteness, sister’s friend (who ironically has the same name AND profession as OH, we will call her Black-lipliner – I know AWFUL – BL), my brother’s friend Spike (his character in Egoli, at least that’s what think he is called) and Beers. The Don was absent due to a meeting at the game farm (looking back he probably would have made the evening less of a carnage!)
So now OH is minute, in fact I didn’t think they made people that size! She weighs a whole 44 kgs and is probably about 5.4 feet tall. (Bearing in mind my brother is 6.2). So naturally when they first arrived, I didn’t see her.
So this tiny thing sits down to meet the Cutenesses. Now firstly we are not small people, Mamma cuteness is by far the shortest at about 5.7. And secondly, if we differ in opinion, the WHOLE restaurant knows about it. (I actually realized last night that I am, in fact, the quieter of the lot. Um WOWEE) if we had to look at those present, BL hits on anything in pants, married or not. My sister, well, has issues that she hasn’t quite solved world peace yet and she is 35! My mother who says exactly what she is thinking, there are no flies on mamma cuteness, Spike, who behaves inappropriately, especially for a man who has known me since before I had boobs! Beers who can make a 3 word sentence a 10 word one just by adding f*ck a few times. As mamma cuteness says, Beers you can’t go around f*cking like you do all the time. (Never a truer thing said, in EVERY sense of the word) And me, the most intelligent, gorgeous and funny of the lot. (Tit the teapot joke is a winner with them!) AND then add 6 bottles of wine, 15 beers, 24 jaggers and 6 tequilas to the mix and you have a minute Afrikaans oral hygienist’s worst nightmare.
During the dinner my brother and sister only came to blows twice, my mom and brother once and the staff was harassed to the point where Beers beat the world record for harassment. My mother manage to fling a langoustine head at OH and my lemon flew into me and then into her. (Slippery little buggars) I flung a cigarette or two across the table, one landing in Spike’s drink and another in his lap. (Not lit yet thank goodness). DD took only 2 myprodol during the whole dinner (another world record) and the sexual innuendos made me blush!
OH managed very well, coping with the chaos that is the Cutenesses. As my brother so aptly said, when she was in the loo of course, FIFO (fit in or f*ck off). Rather a nice philosophy to live by. I only pity the man I take to encounter the family. Being the baby of the family (by a good 10 years) and being the first boy I bring home! Perhaps the first man they will meet will be my husband, on our wedding day!
Now the table consisted of me (naturally), my sissy (drug dealer or DD), mamma cuteness, sister’s friend (who ironically has the same name AND profession as OH, we will call her Black-lipliner – I know AWFUL – BL), my brother’s friend Spike (his character in Egoli, at least that’s what think he is called) and Beers. The Don was absent due to a meeting at the game farm (looking back he probably would have made the evening less of a carnage!)
So now OH is minute, in fact I didn’t think they made people that size! She weighs a whole 44 kgs and is probably about 5.4 feet tall. (Bearing in mind my brother is 6.2). So naturally when they first arrived, I didn’t see her.
So this tiny thing sits down to meet the Cutenesses. Now firstly we are not small people, Mamma cuteness is by far the shortest at about 5.7. And secondly, if we differ in opinion, the WHOLE restaurant knows about it. (I actually realized last night that I am, in fact, the quieter of the lot. Um WOWEE) if we had to look at those present, BL hits on anything in pants, married or not. My sister, well, has issues that she hasn’t quite solved world peace yet and she is 35! My mother who says exactly what she is thinking, there are no flies on mamma cuteness, Spike, who behaves inappropriately, especially for a man who has known me since before I had boobs! Beers who can make a 3 word sentence a 10 word one just by adding f*ck a few times. As mamma cuteness says, Beers you can’t go around f*cking like you do all the time. (Never a truer thing said, in EVERY sense of the word) And me, the most intelligent, gorgeous and funny of the lot. (Tit the teapot joke is a winner with them!) AND then add 6 bottles of wine, 15 beers, 24 jaggers and 6 tequilas to the mix and you have a minute Afrikaans oral hygienist’s worst nightmare.
During the dinner my brother and sister only came to blows twice, my mom and brother once and the staff was harassed to the point where Beers beat the world record for harassment. My mother manage to fling a langoustine head at OH and my lemon flew into me and then into her. (Slippery little buggars) I flung a cigarette or two across the table, one landing in Spike’s drink and another in his lap. (Not lit yet thank goodness). DD took only 2 myprodol during the whole dinner (another world record) and the sexual innuendos made me blush!
OH managed very well, coping with the chaos that is the Cutenesses. As my brother so aptly said, when she was in the loo of course, FIFO (fit in or f*ck off). Rather a nice philosophy to live by. I only pity the man I take to encounter the family. Being the baby of the family (by a good 10 years) and being the first boy I bring home! Perhaps the first man they will meet will be my husband, on our wedding day!
Tuesday, May 8
Another Day in Paradise.
I am aware that my upbringing and lifestyle was hugely protected, leaving me, to this day, fairly naïve. I am by no means uninformed or ignorant rather unexposed. Recently on an early morning visit to Monte Casino, I was astounded at how depraved people really are.
I am fully aware of this depravity but witnessing it is something completely different. Upon arrival Delicious and I saw this minute boy, who couldn’t have been more than 5 years old. In his one hand he held a teddy-bear bag job and in the other he clutched the behemoth of a security guard’s hand. Hiding behind the security guards leg, while witnesses some form of scuffle, the little boy didn’t look frightened or confused, probably because this scene was all too familiar to him. His platinum blonde hair was short and had an Alfalfa bit sticking up on the crown of his head. His blue eyes were red and it looked as though someone had taken red lipstick and circled his eyes. I looked at him and asked if he was tired, to which he vehemently shook his head. I heard Delicious’s heart break as she heard mine. He was trying to show that he was in fact a big boy and why would a big boy be tired at 3 in the morning? We were ushered away from the little boy and his behemoth baby sitter. Once inside I dashed off to buy the child a choc and one for the security guard because his supervision of the little boy was too precious. Like the chocolate was going to make up for his parent’s neglect. Like the chocolate was going to get him into his bed at a decent hour. Like the chocolate was going to show his mother that her neglect of him could have her arrested. This wasn’t a child who was tired of shopping and needed a treat to keep him happy for a little longer.
On the way back to my friends a woman asked if he was my son, to which I replied no, naturally, I wouldn’t neglect my child in such a disgusting manner. To which she replied, it is tragic, some people are awful, you have such a good heart, and can I have R10?
Upon our reunion, Delicious and I went off to buy everyone a drink. The 2 of us walked through the casino to the bar and were both feeling pretty disillusioned with mankind. While waiting for service, a man came up to us, he had a car guard look about him really, and told us that people were judging him (no?!) and he is not scum simply because he was talking to that whore over there. That whore over there must have been the inspiration for the corpse bride. Her gaunt face only highlighted her blood-shot eyes and this in turn highlighted her black-rimmed teeth. She quickly informed us that she was not a whore and was just here to have fun, she enjoyed chatting to men. We said nothing. She said that she was not with that man, who was now being escorted away from us and shouting I want to know what she is saying about me. He was her stalker of sorts, she believed, and would we help her out if he bothered her again. Again we said nothing. She then started stroking my hair telling me how much she loved it. I quickly assured her we would help her out if it was needed and Delicious and I dashed off with the drinks in hand.
I have never been so happy to see a group of familiar and friendly male faces!
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
I am fully aware of this depravity but witnessing it is something completely different. Upon arrival Delicious and I saw this minute boy, who couldn’t have been more than 5 years old. In his one hand he held a teddy-bear bag job and in the other he clutched the behemoth of a security guard’s hand. Hiding behind the security guards leg, while witnesses some form of scuffle, the little boy didn’t look frightened or confused, probably because this scene was all too familiar to him. His platinum blonde hair was short and had an Alfalfa bit sticking up on the crown of his head. His blue eyes were red and it looked as though someone had taken red lipstick and circled his eyes. I looked at him and asked if he was tired, to which he vehemently shook his head. I heard Delicious’s heart break as she heard mine. He was trying to show that he was in fact a big boy and why would a big boy be tired at 3 in the morning? We were ushered away from the little boy and his behemoth baby sitter. Once inside I dashed off to buy the child a choc and one for the security guard because his supervision of the little boy was too precious. Like the chocolate was going to make up for his parent’s neglect. Like the chocolate was going to get him into his bed at a decent hour. Like the chocolate was going to show his mother that her neglect of him could have her arrested. This wasn’t a child who was tired of shopping and needed a treat to keep him happy for a little longer.
On the way back to my friends a woman asked if he was my son, to which I replied no, naturally, I wouldn’t neglect my child in such a disgusting manner. To which she replied, it is tragic, some people are awful, you have such a good heart, and can I have R10?
Upon our reunion, Delicious and I went off to buy everyone a drink. The 2 of us walked through the casino to the bar and were both feeling pretty disillusioned with mankind. While waiting for service, a man came up to us, he had a car guard look about him really, and told us that people were judging him (no?!) and he is not scum simply because he was talking to that whore over there. That whore over there must have been the inspiration for the corpse bride. Her gaunt face only highlighted her blood-shot eyes and this in turn highlighted her black-rimmed teeth. She quickly informed us that she was not a whore and was just here to have fun, she enjoyed chatting to men. We said nothing. She said that she was not with that man, who was now being escorted away from us and shouting I want to know what she is saying about me. He was her stalker of sorts, she believed, and would we help her out if he bothered her again. Again we said nothing. She then started stroking my hair telling me how much she loved it. I quickly assured her we would help her out if it was needed and Delicious and I dashed off with the drinks in hand.
I have never been so happy to see a group of familiar and friendly male faces!
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Thursday, May 3
Dear…..
Cricket Commentators
I realize this letter comes at rather a late stage but I was plummeted into darkness for a few days. Don’t worry, Alec Erwin is receiving his letter soon.
I have a simple question, do you realize how incredibly stupid and irritating you are. I realize that it isn’t the easiest task but as people you have mostly played the game, you would think you would have a few more intelligent things to share with the viewing public. As a female who has watched cricket for many years I have a few pointers that I feel could work to your benefit!
- We do not care that you scored your first first-class century against Abubu in 1910, if we did, we would watch THAT game.
- If you say the ball was just to the left of the wicket, it goes without saying that it if was slightly more to the left it would have hit the wickets. I mean, if the wickets were the size of trees they would be easier to hit. While this may seem unrelated, both comments are equally stupid.
- By saying that Graeme Smith needs a wicket to stay in the game and ensure victory, this is again stating the obvious. Do you think the viewers for one second that the viewers think he needs a try and a conversion to win?
- Saying things like Kallis’s bowling was affected by a back injury and Mahindra bowls from the side because he learnt to play cricket on the beach and this is how the ball bounces on water are of more value than your Abubu century.
- When the cricketers swear and throw things out at each other, we WANT to know what they say so tell us. Saying Andre Nel couldn’t resist saying something to Pieterson is NOT sufficient, we want to know what!?
- Explaining the reasons for various field placements is also acceptable.
I have just touched the surface here but will continue to find ways for you to improve your skills, you really do not want to be the has-beens who can only find an intelligent thought by looking in between their toes.
I shall be in touch soon,
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Monday, April 23
East is East...
People have lots to say about THE EAST (being the east of JHB). As View united are born and bred in the east, we find ourselves defending the east on many occasions. Now the members of View united (and others obviously) have much to say about Boksburg, the Far East really. (Before I continue I have a confession to make. I grew up in the Burg – hence the mocking from View united and the lucky few who are privy to this information).
Now I moved out of the Burg at the tender age of 10, so I have in fact spent most of my life in the View, most people do not care though. I lived in Sunward Park, went to the all-girls Catholic school and contended with the nuns there for many years. Our neighbors were a special lot. They did not have missing teeth or combs in their socks but they came out with guns when we played tok-tokkie and enjoyed Eugene Tereblanch’s manifesto on more the than one occasion. Living in fairly predominant AWB territory provided much interesting happenings, but that is for another post.
Now the reason I have given this little backdrop is because when I moved to Bedfordview, I came across some very interesting neighbors and so the next time people mock the Burg or in fact the East, just remember this post and that no area is free of smut.
Kelly road could not really be called a road. It looked like someone had stood at the top of a hill and poured tar down to create a “road’. On the left side of the road was a large unkept piece of land that become a quasi-forest. This forest invited many visitors, like cat-sized rats. (This is not an exaggeration. If you think you have seen cat-sized rats, you haven’t ok.). This piece of land was owned by an old couple who lived in a derelict house opposite ours. There was another neighbor who we never saw or heard from. The house next to Silent Bob was occupied by a man whose wife had left him and flown off to Europe. He spent most of his life looking for her because at the time of her disappearance she didn’t know who she was. (These aren’t even the interesting neighbors). In the middle of all this was our house. An oasis. It was a huge mod-style home with a large driveway, 2 granny flats, a single story house with 5 bedrooms, a huge front garden and divine patio. There was nothing small or derelict about our house; it looked like it belonged there like an SLK outside a tin shack. It was past our house that things got very interesting.
The house next door to ours was abandoned, expect for about 20 squatters who lived there. On the left hand side, next to the elderly couple, was a house that was well hidden. This house was the local shebeen, and was exceptionally busy but not as busy as the house a little further up the road. This house was visited by the wealthy men of the View on regular occasions. Yes, the Whore House on the Hill attracted those men who behaved as though they defined the word class. The ladies were often outside sunning themselves by the pool, wearing their lingerie and sheer gowns so people driving up to the house could get a good look at the merchandise.
Yes this was Kelly road, in the middle of Bedforview, in the East, where there is a fair influence of the north and people enjoy a good venture to because essentially it’s not really the East…
Remain Infinitely Cute
Xxx
Now I moved out of the Burg at the tender age of 10, so I have in fact spent most of my life in the View, most people do not care though. I lived in Sunward Park, went to the all-girls Catholic school and contended with the nuns there for many years. Our neighbors were a special lot. They did not have missing teeth or combs in their socks but they came out with guns when we played tok-tokkie and enjoyed Eugene Tereblanch’s manifesto on more the than one occasion. Living in fairly predominant AWB territory provided much interesting happenings, but that is for another post.
Now the reason I have given this little backdrop is because when I moved to Bedfordview, I came across some very interesting neighbors and so the next time people mock the Burg or in fact the East, just remember this post and that no area is free of smut.
Kelly road could not really be called a road. It looked like someone had stood at the top of a hill and poured tar down to create a “road’. On the left side of the road was a large unkept piece of land that become a quasi-forest. This forest invited many visitors, like cat-sized rats. (This is not an exaggeration. If you think you have seen cat-sized rats, you haven’t ok.). This piece of land was owned by an old couple who lived in a derelict house opposite ours. There was another neighbor who we never saw or heard from. The house next to Silent Bob was occupied by a man whose wife had left him and flown off to Europe. He spent most of his life looking for her because at the time of her disappearance she didn’t know who she was. (These aren’t even the interesting neighbors). In the middle of all this was our house. An oasis. It was a huge mod-style home with a large driveway, 2 granny flats, a single story house with 5 bedrooms, a huge front garden and divine patio. There was nothing small or derelict about our house; it looked like it belonged there like an SLK outside a tin shack. It was past our house that things got very interesting.
The house next door to ours was abandoned, expect for about 20 squatters who lived there. On the left hand side, next to the elderly couple, was a house that was well hidden. This house was the local shebeen, and was exceptionally busy but not as busy as the house a little further up the road. This house was visited by the wealthy men of the View on regular occasions. Yes, the Whore House on the Hill attracted those men who behaved as though they defined the word class. The ladies were often outside sunning themselves by the pool, wearing their lingerie and sheer gowns so people driving up to the house could get a good look at the merchandise.
Yes this was Kelly road, in the middle of Bedforview, in the East, where there is a fair influence of the north and people enjoy a good venture to because essentially it’s not really the East…
Remain Infinitely Cute
Xxx
Friday, April 20
The difference between cats and dogs.
Why I like being a woman.
- We have an excuse for driving badly.
- We can talk our way out of almost any form of trouble.
- We get to wear stilettos.
- We don’t have to take our shirts off to have our chests admired.
- When we wakeup we can still improve what we see in the mirror with makeup and not just hair gel.
- We don’t go bald.
- We can shave under our arms without being ridiculed.
- We don’t show that we are attracted to someone just by standing sideways.
- Women’s beauty has launched a thousand ships, what has men’s looks done?
- We are the first off sinking ships.
- We can wear skirts in extremely hot clubs.
- We get jewelry as a present.
- We get a diamond ring when we are to get married.
- We can kiss our friends and it is seen as a turn.
- Our mornings are glorious for different reasons.
- We can get away with acting dumb.
- We can wear lots and lots of pink, not just have one shirt that some will still mock us for wearing.
- Our formal wear varies hugely.
- We can get away with being bad at pool.
- We pull off long hair better.
- We don’t sweat, we glow.
- If our arms are skinny and underdeveloped it is not the end of the world.
- Our underwear is pretty.
- So are our sacred areas.
- We can put all our shit in handbags.
- Entrance fee is cheaper.
- It is easier to get free drinks.
- The world doesn’t end when we are sick.
- We don't have to take off our pants to show we are cold. And the indication is quite sexy.
To mention a few.
Why I don't like being a woman...
- Handbags
- Standing while peeing can be extremely advantageous.
- There are always queues at bathrooms.
- Man gave us a rib and we pay them back in monthly installments.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Wednesday, April 18
Breakfast with the Girls.....
Tit decided last week that us girls had not seen each other in too long and she decided to organise a breakfast at her place for a couple of us. My first initial thought was "Say no, going for meals where Cuteness and Tit all wind up being BAD NEWS" but obviously I say yes straight away!
So I arrive at Tit's place half an hour late, my bad, to a flat full of hung over ladies. Now I can definitely not say that I wasn't feeling hung over from a dinner and the maneater the night before and besides that I was also supposed to bring 2 bottles of champers but couldn't stomach the thought of 2 at the shop on my way. Anyway, there is Doc, Delicious, Cuteness, Tit and another 3 ladies there. I must just mention at this point that Durban and Von Dutch were evicted from the flat, so thanks guys!
I enter the door to Doc standing behind the stove making "scones" with a very pale skin tone, Tit doing something behind her (same pale skin tone), Delicious having a ciggie outside (not as pale skin tone) and Cuteness in all her glory on the couch (VERY pale skin tone!!!). The other 3 ladies looked perfect and I knew straight away that I was not alone in the hung over department, albeit that mine was pretty minor.
Tit says that we are all being pathetic and its time for the champers, so the first bottle is opened, time being 11:30 ish. Doc and I battle with 3 bottles and out of NO where, left field (well the couch), Cuteness comes out on the balcony (not looking very well) and opens the bottles no problem at all! So the champers is now flowing like the Orange River in full flood and the girls start to chat about the night before! Now I was only at the maneater for about 2 hours and the girls only arrived about an hour after me so when I left they were all still fine!!
The proceedings take place between the hours of 02:30 and 04:45:
So I arrive at Tit's place half an hour late, my bad, to a flat full of hung over ladies. Now I can definitely not say that I wasn't feeling hung over from a dinner and the maneater the night before and besides that I was also supposed to bring 2 bottles of champers but couldn't stomach the thought of 2 at the shop on my way. Anyway, there is Doc, Delicious, Cuteness, Tit and another 3 ladies there. I must just mention at this point that Durban and Von Dutch were evicted from the flat, so thanks guys!
I enter the door to Doc standing behind the stove making "scones" with a very pale skin tone, Tit doing something behind her (same pale skin tone), Delicious having a ciggie outside (not as pale skin tone) and Cuteness in all her glory on the couch (VERY pale skin tone!!!). The other 3 ladies looked perfect and I knew straight away that I was not alone in the hung over department, albeit that mine was pretty minor.
Tit says that we are all being pathetic and its time for the champers, so the first bottle is opened, time being 11:30 ish. Doc and I battle with 3 bottles and out of NO where, left field (well the couch), Cuteness comes out on the balcony (not looking very well) and opens the bottles no problem at all! So the champers is now flowing like the Orange River in full flood and the girls start to chat about the night before! Now I was only at the maneater for about 2 hours and the girls only arrived about an hour after me so when I left they were all still fine!!
The proceedings take place between the hours of 02:30 and 04:45:
- Cuteness in true Cuteness form manages to spend a good portion of that time in the ladies, don't worry Cuteness will stop there. Well drunk my girl, those Millers did not know what hit them!!!
- Doc manages to try and explain what "Love Me" at the end of an sms from a girl means to a random named Chris, don't think he got it though, mind you I didn't really understand the explination either
- Delicious did what Delicious does best...DANCE and run back and forth to check on Cuteness
- Durban was around, not too sure what he was up to
- Tit didn't make it out as she had a "work" lunch, dinner at her mom and drinks at Frankies
Anyway so all these details were discussed over a fantastic breakfast with "scones" that tasted like little bread rolls and a whole LOT of champers, mainly drunk by Tit and myself (something new and unusual). One thing that I must add is that us girls really do know how to laugh!!
This breakfast turned into afternoon drinks and then dinner and more drinks. Total time spent at Tit's house - almost 12 hours!!! One road trip was included during the day and I officially can't listen to Just Jack - Stars in Their Eyes anymore because of it!
Thank you Tit for hosting such an awesome day, we definitely need to make these Girl's "breakfasts" a much more regular thing. But always always make sure that it is after a bender of an evening out in town!
For friendship purposes many of the evenings details were left out. I would hate to dig a big hole I cannot get out of!
Love you too much all my girls!
Have a PMS/CBS free day now
Sweet Pea
P.S. Rodger the dodger is still alive and happily swimming around in his little glass home!
Tuesday, April 17
Here comes the bride...
From the time girls know the word marriage, they are planning theirs. We walk around with pillow cases on our heads, clutching a bunch of flowers and wearing a make-shift wedding dress. If we are very lucky our mothers keep their wedding dresses and so you are pretty close to the real thing. We know the correct speed and timing that we must walk down the isle to the famous wedding march. We all dream of our prince charming and know what colour tie he will be wearing and how his hair will be done. This is all before the age of 7.
When we hit our teens, this dream of perfect marriage is still there but no pillow cases are in sight. The dress, groom and colour scheme has (hopefully) changed but what hasn’t is the fact that we know exactly how things will be. We have a little more information on the wedding night and depending on the age, dream of being the virgin bride in some seductive little number. (This too changes with time). We do not wish for our wedding day but know it will be in the far future, when you are quite old (bout 24, I mean that ancient. Have to be married by then).
As we get closer to a fairly decent marriage age, we realize there is no such thing as a virgin bride and the seductive little number consists of less satin and more lace (or leather, depending what blows your hair back). Not only do we know what size our engagement ring will be, but we know the cut, setting and various styles that we like. In fact we have researched this. Stopping at jewelry ads and looking and deciding what you like, walking past the jewelry store and gazing at the large sparkly diamonds with wide excited eyes. We have discussed who our bridesmaids are and what type of style dress they will be wearing. Of course this has also been researched and discussed with the ladies concerned in great detail. We know which one will want a long dress because she doesn’t like her calves, which one wants a flowy skirt because her hips look big in tight things and we know if our hair is going to be in a simple up style or left down. We have a selection of songs which could be used as the ‘first dance’ song. Our colour scheme, dress and groom have once again changed. We have discussed with our proposed bridesmaids that we are to be dressed to kill, looking very sexy at our bachelorettes and NOT like that chick we saw on the weekend. At this stage 24 is far too bloody young to be getting married (it’s really not that old you know!) and the concept of marriage terrifies us hugely (but still the day is planned or being planned to perfection). In fact at this time in our lives we are more excited about the prospect of being a bridesmaid and all the perks that go along with that!!! We take bets as to who is going to be the first down the isle in that beautiful white dress (ahem).
And, before I forget, the honeymoon. Where it doesn’t matter if there lots of things to see and do, (as long as it’s a fairly exotic place) as we will be seeing and doing only ONE thing.
Funny how with all the wedding day preparation, we don’t seem to give much thought to the marriage itself and the fact that planning the wedding is just a scratch on the scratch of the surface of work to be done in order to have a successful life with the man you love. After all that’s the easy part right? As long as you look absolutely gorgeous on your day and it is in fact, the perfect wedding!
Remain infinitely cute
When we hit our teens, this dream of perfect marriage is still there but no pillow cases are in sight. The dress, groom and colour scheme has (hopefully) changed but what hasn’t is the fact that we know exactly how things will be. We have a little more information on the wedding night and depending on the age, dream of being the virgin bride in some seductive little number. (This too changes with time). We do not wish for our wedding day but know it will be in the far future, when you are quite old (bout 24, I mean that ancient. Have to be married by then).
As we get closer to a fairly decent marriage age, we realize there is no such thing as a virgin bride and the seductive little number consists of less satin and more lace (or leather, depending what blows your hair back). Not only do we know what size our engagement ring will be, but we know the cut, setting and various styles that we like. In fact we have researched this. Stopping at jewelry ads and looking and deciding what you like, walking past the jewelry store and gazing at the large sparkly diamonds with wide excited eyes. We have discussed who our bridesmaids are and what type of style dress they will be wearing. Of course this has also been researched and discussed with the ladies concerned in great detail. We know which one will want a long dress because she doesn’t like her calves, which one wants a flowy skirt because her hips look big in tight things and we know if our hair is going to be in a simple up style or left down. We have a selection of songs which could be used as the ‘first dance’ song. Our colour scheme, dress and groom have once again changed. We have discussed with our proposed bridesmaids that we are to be dressed to kill, looking very sexy at our bachelorettes and NOT like that chick we saw on the weekend. At this stage 24 is far too bloody young to be getting married (it’s really not that old you know!) and the concept of marriage terrifies us hugely (but still the day is planned or being planned to perfection). In fact at this time in our lives we are more excited about the prospect of being a bridesmaid and all the perks that go along with that!!! We take bets as to who is going to be the first down the isle in that beautiful white dress (ahem).
And, before I forget, the honeymoon. Where it doesn’t matter if there lots of things to see and do, (as long as it’s a fairly exotic place) as we will be seeing and doing only ONE thing.
Funny how with all the wedding day preparation, we don’t seem to give much thought to the marriage itself and the fact that planning the wedding is just a scratch on the scratch of the surface of work to be done in order to have a successful life with the man you love. After all that’s the easy part right? As long as you look absolutely gorgeous on your day and it is in fact, the perfect wedding!
Remain infinitely cute
Wednesday, April 11
Text to know you
Beers and my sissy are particularly hard on their cell phones. So recently they decided it was completely pointless to get the top of the range, shiny and sparkly little phone because in a weeks time the screen would be cracked, the body of the cell phone chipped and scratched and the buttons would no longer work. My brother ventured to a shop that sold new phones that instead of saying “Nokia 350” would say “NNokia 350” or along those lines… He bought 2 of those indestructible type guys, the ones with rubber round the edges to protect it when you drop it and everything is waterproofed for when you drop it in your beer. He paid a whole 700 ZA Rant each for these new phones.
Once they were fully charged as per instructed, my sissy put her sim card in and switched it on only to discover that she had in fact received a second hand “new” phone. There was a whole list of phone numbers, texts and photos all on the phone. We were tempted to phone up the previous owner and ask if they had their phone stolen from them recently.
We learnt from the various text messages that the girls name is Fiona, and her close friends called her Fi. She lives in England and is single but most of her friends are in fact married. One of them was pretty preggies round the end of last year, while another had given birth to a little baby boy. Another friend had had twins (seriously what are they putting in the water with all these preggy people) a few months prior and another’s move into their new home went rather well. (this is a very busy group of people) a friend of hers wished our dear Fi a happy New year pretty early as she was prone to get very drunk and lose her cell phone. Mike Ordus was very excited for their date on Saturday, which judging by the follow up text went very well and he hoped to see her again soon. One of her friends had been terrible and hadn’t contacted her in a while and they should meet up at the pub soon to catch up. She had met the most wonderful man and wished to tell her all about him (no wonder the contact had been bad!)
Once we had read all the texts in the inbox, I felt myself slightly disappointed. I wanted to carry on my little soirée into this woman’s life, I felt like I knew her. I wanted to text Shanna and ask her how little Richard was doing; last I had heard he had just popped out the womb. And the twins? Are they talking yet? Causing the young parents to pull out their hair yet? And Fi? How did things go with Mike, are they still together, is he the ONE? I feel like I know you so well and have so much in common with you. How do you deal with being one of the last single people in your group of friends? And the friend that dumped you for her new man? Was he that wonderful, or did he leave her broken hearted and alone? And why do YOU think some girls do that, find a man and you never see them? Or have I got it wrong, is that how it works? Is there no balance between the 2?
It is truly amazing what you can learn about a person from a few lines of text. How you can get to know them through their mates’ reactions and words used when ‘speaking to them’
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Once they were fully charged as per instructed, my sissy put her sim card in and switched it on only to discover that she had in fact received a second hand “new” phone. There was a whole list of phone numbers, texts and photos all on the phone. We were tempted to phone up the previous owner and ask if they had their phone stolen from them recently.
We learnt from the various text messages that the girls name is Fiona, and her close friends called her Fi. She lives in England and is single but most of her friends are in fact married. One of them was pretty preggies round the end of last year, while another had given birth to a little baby boy. Another friend had had twins (seriously what are they putting in the water with all these preggy people) a few months prior and another’s move into their new home went rather well. (this is a very busy group of people) a friend of hers wished our dear Fi a happy New year pretty early as she was prone to get very drunk and lose her cell phone. Mike Ordus was very excited for their date on Saturday, which judging by the follow up text went very well and he hoped to see her again soon. One of her friends had been terrible and hadn’t contacted her in a while and they should meet up at the pub soon to catch up. She had met the most wonderful man and wished to tell her all about him (no wonder the contact had been bad!)
Once we had read all the texts in the inbox, I felt myself slightly disappointed. I wanted to carry on my little soirée into this woman’s life, I felt like I knew her. I wanted to text Shanna and ask her how little Richard was doing; last I had heard he had just popped out the womb. And the twins? Are they talking yet? Causing the young parents to pull out their hair yet? And Fi? How did things go with Mike, are they still together, is he the ONE? I feel like I know you so well and have so much in common with you. How do you deal with being one of the last single people in your group of friends? And the friend that dumped you for her new man? Was he that wonderful, or did he leave her broken hearted and alone? And why do YOU think some girls do that, find a man and you never see them? Or have I got it wrong, is that how it works? Is there no balance between the 2?
It is truly amazing what you can learn about a person from a few lines of text. How you can get to know them through their mates’ reactions and words used when ‘speaking to them’
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Tuesday, April 10
Talking while saying Nothing.
Recently I was chatting to a good mate of mine. A friend of his had broken up with his long-term girlfriend who he seemed to absolutely adore. I didn’t quite understand what had happened because, as an outsider, they had seemed like the perfect couple who would go the distance. He explained things from the guy’s perspective. The girl, who had come from a very well-known and wealthy family, was studying a particularly tedious degree that would result in her being a much respected professional. This from the boyfriend’s perspective was intimidating as he was from a rather humble background and his degree, while not simple, would not result in a specific profession. The fact that this girl was definitely going places eventually took its toll on the boyfriend and he ended it. This statement led me down a path of thought that took me from Paris Hilton to Simone de Beauvoir and even the French porn movie Emmanuelle.
It is said that girls perform better in single sex schools. One imagines that in the 21st century that females are no longer ‘dumbing themselves down’ in the presence of men so to come across as a less intimidating and more appealing. If one had to picture an intellectual female she would be wearing a long neutral colour skirt below the knees a white blouse, drab mousy hair in a ponytail, flat sensible shoes and tortoise-shell glasses. She would be clutching a book to her chest. A regular ‘plain Jane.’ One imagines a sexy woman; she is blonde, tall, slim, barely clothed, large breasteses, big red lips and a bimbo. (Of course I am generalizing here). Why is this? Can a woman not be beautiful and intelligent? Can her intelligence not make her beautiful as apposed to plain? And why is an intelligent woman so intimidating, not only to men, but to other woman?
Simone de Beauvoir is a French female icon. Why? She was not a model or designer or actress but an intellectual. She was born in 1908 and at 21 moved to Paris to study philosophy at the Sorbonne. She then was one of the first women to be accepted to the Ecole Normale Superieure, the French answer to Oxford. In 1928 she met her life partner, the philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre and remained with him till his death. She is most famous for her book The second sex, published in 1949, a ground-breaking feminist work. For some she is seen as the initiator of real female emancipation. Now try and picture this woman? Someone who was an outspoken feminist, involved to a serial cheating philosopher. I’m sure (maybe) she is no Angelina Jolie and (he is no Brad Pitt.) However, recently this intellectual pair was compared to this glamorous Hollywood couple. Not for any other reason but to turn them into glamorous sex symbols. And why? Because the French VALUE intellect. They find intelligent women to be sexy and appealing. For the French, a part of a woman’s sexual animalistic appeal is her strong and clever mind. And so French women spend their time stimulating their minds by attending art galleries, reading meaningful literature and having heated, complex intellectual discussions. There is no ‘dumbing themselves down’ to come across as less intimidating and more appealing. After discovering this attitude toward intellect, Simone de Beauvoir is no longer the mousy-haired plain Jane but a tall, slender, glamorous seductress who teased men with her intellect and seduced them with her body and mind.
Emmanuelle (basically Emmanuelle went to Thailand and had a lot of sex, as one does) the famous French porn movie based on the book written by Emmanuelle Arsan (pseudonym) is full of philosophy. The French find it difficult to separate body, mind and soul and even this character finds this a difficult task ‘When I have an orgasm, it’s my spirit having an orgasm in my body; it’s not my body returning to some earlier bestial state! You want the spirit to take only pleasure in itself. Why? Life is wonderful throughout, in flesh as well as the spirit.’
Now on the other end of the spectrum, Paris Hilton. She is by no means an intellectual icon. In fact many would argue that she could not pronounce the word intellectual and define the word icon. Now I happen to think, although some don’t agree, that she is a stunning woman. (A man once told me he believes I am hotter than she, and should the opportunity arise I shall show this man exactly how much I appreciated the compliment, continuously for 2 weeks and then everyday after that, for the rest of our lives). But one thing that most people strongly disagree with me about is that Paris Hilton is in fact, quite an intelligent individual (and no it’s not because she is also of Scandinavian decent). What exactly is this annoying blonde famous for? Nothing. People cannot stand her, what she stands for or her various antics and yet they cannot get enough of her. If we look at her less famous sister, she has displayed a keen business sense and intelligence and how did I initially refer to her? The less famous sister. No dumb blonde turns around when her sex tape comes out and says go ahead and sell it, people are going to see it, they have seen it, there is very little I can do BUT I want a percentage of the profits. Dumb hey?
Paris Hilton has made millions of her own and remains famous despite doing very little worthy of her notoriety. People say it is because of her last name. But her sister shares this name and her looks, but is not as famous or as talked about. Part of Paris Hilton’s appeal is her stupidity. Which is, to a large extent, in my opinion, an act. I wonder where Paris would be if she didn’t dumb herself down? Famous in France only perhaps?
While most women seem to be behaving as though they are silly, stupid and simple, young girls with role models like Paris Hilton, French women are seducing men with their incredible sex appeal which in part if formed by their proud display of their keen intellect and strong knowledge. There is a fascination was with French women, their flawless style, fabulous figures, sophistication and the ability to tie a scarf in a hundred and one different ways. All of this seems innate and books have been written about French women and their amazing secrets. Think I will have to read some more on the French women to understand this fascination and maybe pick up a few tips.
Luckily not all men appreciate the silliness and like their women with a brain and a good pair of legs.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
It is said that girls perform better in single sex schools. One imagines that in the 21st century that females are no longer ‘dumbing themselves down’ in the presence of men so to come across as a less intimidating and more appealing. If one had to picture an intellectual female she would be wearing a long neutral colour skirt below the knees a white blouse, drab mousy hair in a ponytail, flat sensible shoes and tortoise-shell glasses. She would be clutching a book to her chest. A regular ‘plain Jane.’ One imagines a sexy woman; she is blonde, tall, slim, barely clothed, large breasteses, big red lips and a bimbo. (Of course I am generalizing here). Why is this? Can a woman not be beautiful and intelligent? Can her intelligence not make her beautiful as apposed to plain? And why is an intelligent woman so intimidating, not only to men, but to other woman?
Simone de Beauvoir is a French female icon. Why? She was not a model or designer or actress but an intellectual. She was born in 1908 and at 21 moved to Paris to study philosophy at the Sorbonne. She then was one of the first women to be accepted to the Ecole Normale Superieure, the French answer to Oxford. In 1928 she met her life partner, the philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre and remained with him till his death. She is most famous for her book The second sex, published in 1949, a ground-breaking feminist work. For some she is seen as the initiator of real female emancipation. Now try and picture this woman? Someone who was an outspoken feminist, involved to a serial cheating philosopher. I’m sure (maybe) she is no Angelina Jolie and (he is no Brad Pitt.) However, recently this intellectual pair was compared to this glamorous Hollywood couple. Not for any other reason but to turn them into glamorous sex symbols. And why? Because the French VALUE intellect. They find intelligent women to be sexy and appealing. For the French, a part of a woman’s sexual animalistic appeal is her strong and clever mind. And so French women spend their time stimulating their minds by attending art galleries, reading meaningful literature and having heated, complex intellectual discussions. There is no ‘dumbing themselves down’ to come across as less intimidating and more appealing. After discovering this attitude toward intellect, Simone de Beauvoir is no longer the mousy-haired plain Jane but a tall, slender, glamorous seductress who teased men with her intellect and seduced them with her body and mind.
Emmanuelle (basically Emmanuelle went to Thailand and had a lot of sex, as one does) the famous French porn movie based on the book written by Emmanuelle Arsan (pseudonym) is full of philosophy. The French find it difficult to separate body, mind and soul and even this character finds this a difficult task ‘When I have an orgasm, it’s my spirit having an orgasm in my body; it’s not my body returning to some earlier bestial state! You want the spirit to take only pleasure in itself. Why? Life is wonderful throughout, in flesh as well as the spirit.’
Now on the other end of the spectrum, Paris Hilton. She is by no means an intellectual icon. In fact many would argue that she could not pronounce the word intellectual and define the word icon. Now I happen to think, although some don’t agree, that she is a stunning woman. (A man once told me he believes I am hotter than she, and should the opportunity arise I shall show this man exactly how much I appreciated the compliment, continuously for 2 weeks and then everyday after that, for the rest of our lives). But one thing that most people strongly disagree with me about is that Paris Hilton is in fact, quite an intelligent individual (and no it’s not because she is also of Scandinavian decent). What exactly is this annoying blonde famous for? Nothing. People cannot stand her, what she stands for or her various antics and yet they cannot get enough of her. If we look at her less famous sister, she has displayed a keen business sense and intelligence and how did I initially refer to her? The less famous sister. No dumb blonde turns around when her sex tape comes out and says go ahead and sell it, people are going to see it, they have seen it, there is very little I can do BUT I want a percentage of the profits. Dumb hey?
Paris Hilton has made millions of her own and remains famous despite doing very little worthy of her notoriety. People say it is because of her last name. But her sister shares this name and her looks, but is not as famous or as talked about. Part of Paris Hilton’s appeal is her stupidity. Which is, to a large extent, in my opinion, an act. I wonder where Paris would be if she didn’t dumb herself down? Famous in France only perhaps?
While most women seem to be behaving as though they are silly, stupid and simple, young girls with role models like Paris Hilton, French women are seducing men with their incredible sex appeal which in part if formed by their proud display of their keen intellect and strong knowledge. There is a fascination was with French women, their flawless style, fabulous figures, sophistication and the ability to tie a scarf in a hundred and one different ways. All of this seems innate and books have been written about French women and their amazing secrets. Think I will have to read some more on the French women to understand this fascination and maybe pick up a few tips.
Luckily not all men appreciate the silliness and like their women with a brain and a good pair of legs.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Wednesday, April 4
High Maintenance
Well hair is not a girl’s friend. We spend our time plucking, shaving, waxing, trimming and dying. One can eliminate the hair removal problem with permanent laser hair removal. Although there is nothing like sitting in a disposable g-string with an ice-pack giving you frost-bite on your va-jay-jay with your legs spread and twisting in unnatural ways while a woman sits there wearing protective eyewear zapping away your hairs. There is less dignity in that then having it waxed, if one can believe it. Luckily underarms aren’t so intrusive so every second month I get a reprieve. Shaving is also no fun and I cannot wait until I'm big to have my leg-hairs lasered let me tell you. Every time I shave my legs I need a blood transfusion, shaving something I just haven’t mastered. Plucking isn’t painful literally but it is a pain in the ass.
And then there is the hair on the head. Hair that is my length is very very high maintenance! At least I no longer spend 3 and a half hours (yes 3 and a half) in the hairdresser since I returned to my brunette roots. Being blonde is just ridiculous to keep looking decent and not like someone dropped shoe-polish on my roots.
So today I headed off to the hairdresser for my monthly trim. An hour later I come out looking like an Elvive model, there is a gust of wind and my hair wushes up making me look just worth it.
Now I love it when people play gently with my hair, gives me such nice goosies! And never mind the head massage you get while having your hair washed. Its complete bliss. Then this woman walks in with this nasal voice that goes straight through my head. I look up and see a +/- 70 year old woman with a huge blonde quaff and so much makeup I can hardly believe there is any left in the world. Her eyeliner is similar to what I imagine Tutankhamen would wear. Thick solid black lines just above and below the lash line, extending to her mid-temple. She was wearing a little brown lace cammy (70years) and no bra (70). The dart-things that are usually just below the bust line were sitting above her breasteses. TOOO MUCH
Now this completely pointless and unrelated semi-rant results on 2 toasts….
To permanent hair removal which I will use everywhere possible!
And to growing old gracefully.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
And then there is the hair on the head. Hair that is my length is very very high maintenance! At least I no longer spend 3 and a half hours (yes 3 and a half) in the hairdresser since I returned to my brunette roots. Being blonde is just ridiculous to keep looking decent and not like someone dropped shoe-polish on my roots.
So today I headed off to the hairdresser for my monthly trim. An hour later I come out looking like an Elvive model, there is a gust of wind and my hair wushes up making me look just worth it.
Now I love it when people play gently with my hair, gives me such nice goosies! And never mind the head massage you get while having your hair washed. Its complete bliss. Then this woman walks in with this nasal voice that goes straight through my head. I look up and see a +/- 70 year old woman with a huge blonde quaff and so much makeup I can hardly believe there is any left in the world. Her eyeliner is similar to what I imagine Tutankhamen would wear. Thick solid black lines just above and below the lash line, extending to her mid-temple. She was wearing a little brown lace cammy (70years) and no bra (70). The dart-things that are usually just below the bust line were sitting above her breasteses. TOOO MUCH
Now this completely pointless and unrelated semi-rant results on 2 toasts….
To permanent hair removal which I will use everywhere possible!
And to growing old gracefully.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Monday, April 2
Idle Hands
They say idle hands are the Devil’s tools. This weekend I found myself in a rather pensive state where it occurred to me that the in fact, idle hands is the Devil’s playground. When you are busy, your mind is occupied, focusing on the task at hand. When there is little occupying one’s mind, we find a way to occupy it. This is where the Devil begins to play, making your best asset an enemy, stirring up feelings of self-loathing and doubt. He creates a strong dislike for not only yourself but all people, slowly picking away at your faith in human kind. Your mind wonders to a place that is dark, filled with the wrongs that have left permanent aching sores on your soul.
There is the usual things that play on my mind, the ones I try not to think too much about otherwise my little perfectly controlled world will fall apart. But they are always there, when I’m studying, working or laughing and having fun with my friends, they never leave me. They are so intrinsically apart of you that even though you wish to exorcise yourself of these demons, you never will. They are part of you, like your eyelashes and lips. This weekend, this is not where my mind ventured, I wonder when it will because this is a place I need to visit and haven’t.
With my mind wondering, I tried to busy myself but this did not work. It has been playing on me and so I thought perhaps to write it, it would finally leave me, offer me some resolve on this issue. I stood looking at my reflection for a while, knowing how I see myself and wondering how others see me. I focus on the reactions and behaviours of men, as this is what has sent me to this place. I look at myself and see someone who has thoughts and feelings, opinions and reasons. But clearly men do not see this. They see a thing, something that is there for their enjoyment. I have no worth or value. No input. When they hear stories of men and their disregard for females, they act shocked and say they hate such men, women are there to be adored and treated with respect. I have yet to meet these men.
Perhaps it is my fault, because not all women are treated like I am and the treatment seems to follow me, remaining the same, only the men are different and my life stages. Do I encourage the disrespect, the treatment that’s upsets me and makes me feel vile. I look around and see some women being treated like princesses and I am nothing but a piece of meat, meaningless and unworthy. And yet I am tired of being treated like meat, something to be toyed with, regardless of my wishes, and then tossed. I look at my friends and try emulating their behaviour, the behaviour that seems to avoid such treatment, but mostly unsuccessfully.
So clearly the problem is with me, I encourage it. Maybe it doesn’t follow me but I seek it, ask for it, deserve it.
And so the Devil played well, despite my efforts to remain out of this place.
There is the usual things that play on my mind, the ones I try not to think too much about otherwise my little perfectly controlled world will fall apart. But they are always there, when I’m studying, working or laughing and having fun with my friends, they never leave me. They are so intrinsically apart of you that even though you wish to exorcise yourself of these demons, you never will. They are part of you, like your eyelashes and lips. This weekend, this is not where my mind ventured, I wonder when it will because this is a place I need to visit and haven’t.
With my mind wondering, I tried to busy myself but this did not work. It has been playing on me and so I thought perhaps to write it, it would finally leave me, offer me some resolve on this issue. I stood looking at my reflection for a while, knowing how I see myself and wondering how others see me. I focus on the reactions and behaviours of men, as this is what has sent me to this place. I look at myself and see someone who has thoughts and feelings, opinions and reasons. But clearly men do not see this. They see a thing, something that is there for their enjoyment. I have no worth or value. No input. When they hear stories of men and their disregard for females, they act shocked and say they hate such men, women are there to be adored and treated with respect. I have yet to meet these men.
Perhaps it is my fault, because not all women are treated like I am and the treatment seems to follow me, remaining the same, only the men are different and my life stages. Do I encourage the disrespect, the treatment that’s upsets me and makes me feel vile. I look around and see some women being treated like princesses and I am nothing but a piece of meat, meaningless and unworthy. And yet I am tired of being treated like meat, something to be toyed with, regardless of my wishes, and then tossed. I look at my friends and try emulating their behaviour, the behaviour that seems to avoid such treatment, but mostly unsuccessfully.
So clearly the problem is with me, I encourage it. Maybe it doesn’t follow me but I seek it, ask for it, deserve it.
And so the Devil played well, despite my efforts to remain out of this place.
Sunday, April 1
Meet Beers..
Meet Beers.
On Friday, after a little family dinner for the pair of runts, we headed off to Frankie Bananas. Doc, Durban, Delicious and Token were all there and my brother and his mate joined us. Was a fairly good evening but having my brother there made things very interesting, simply because of who he is….
Beers, which he will now be known as, is called this for two reasons. Firstly when he introduces himself people often think he is saying I’m Beers, it’s very similar to his name and secondly because he can drink like no one I have ever seen, it is ridiculous.
Beers is the kind of man that every other man should fear and every mother and female loves. He just has to look at a female and she is ready to bear his children. He, essentially, is a womanizing superhero with powers rendering the opposite sex defenseless. (I have to wonder why some of this magic was not passed onto me, the injustice I tell you) We cannot have dinner in a restaurant without the waitress hitting on him. My mother is a teacher at his old high school and when he goes there the female teachers, even the ones that taught him, look at him so that he (and I quote) “feel like I need a shower afterwards.” He has had women ready to leave their fiancés after spending just a few hours with him. He has had a few crazy girlfriends who ended up stalking him along with their mothers!!!
He was a national cyclist (with lots of toned cyclist friends in lycra mmmmm.) until a car accident prevented him from competing at a professional level and so he started to work like most of the population before going into semi-retirement a year and a half ago.
A few weeks after my twenty-first I discovered that he had successfully felt up every single one of my female friends. I suspect this could have been the case on Friday (apologies friends) and he gave every male mate a hard time whilst plying them with alcohol. He did however, find a long lost brother in Durban.
His friend, an actor on Egoli, met a few fans, which was hysterical. Nothing like a bunch of huge Greek type guys acting like giddy little school-girls over some EGOLI ACTOR. There was a rather inappropriate comment from him, which luckily Beers dealt with (he has his uses).
Meet Beers. My crazy, supremely intelligent (no really), womanizing elder brother.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
On Friday, after a little family dinner for the pair of runts, we headed off to Frankie Bananas. Doc, Durban, Delicious and Token were all there and my brother and his mate joined us. Was a fairly good evening but having my brother there made things very interesting, simply because of who he is….
Beers, which he will now be known as, is called this for two reasons. Firstly when he introduces himself people often think he is saying I’m Beers, it’s very similar to his name and secondly because he can drink like no one I have ever seen, it is ridiculous.
Beers is the kind of man that every other man should fear and every mother and female loves. He just has to look at a female and she is ready to bear his children. He, essentially, is a womanizing superhero with powers rendering the opposite sex defenseless. (I have to wonder why some of this magic was not passed onto me, the injustice I tell you) We cannot have dinner in a restaurant without the waitress hitting on him. My mother is a teacher at his old high school and when he goes there the female teachers, even the ones that taught him, look at him so that he (and I quote) “feel like I need a shower afterwards.” He has had women ready to leave their fiancés after spending just a few hours with him. He has had a few crazy girlfriends who ended up stalking him along with their mothers!!!
He was a national cyclist (with lots of toned cyclist friends in lycra mmmmm.) until a car accident prevented him from competing at a professional level and so he started to work like most of the population before going into semi-retirement a year and a half ago.
A few weeks after my twenty-first I discovered that he had successfully felt up every single one of my female friends. I suspect this could have been the case on Friday (apologies friends) and he gave every male mate a hard time whilst plying them with alcohol. He did however, find a long lost brother in Durban.
His friend, an actor on Egoli, met a few fans, which was hysterical. Nothing like a bunch of huge Greek type guys acting like giddy little school-girls over some EGOLI ACTOR. There was a rather inappropriate comment from him, which luckily Beers dealt with (he has his uses).
Meet Beers. My crazy, supremely intelligent (no really), womanizing elder brother.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Friday, March 30
Till Death.
This week is my parent’s 37th anniversary. It’s a little frightening because my parents don’t seem old enough to be married for that long! My mom was 21 when she got married and 24 when she had my sissy. My moms look at me and said I still think of you as a children but I was married and a mother at your age. And I’m still scared of the dark, nevermind having to tell a little one that there is nothing to be afraid of when the lights go out…
In the spirit of this I decided to post about a bet that was made a couple of weeks ago.
Who will be the first to fall?!
Participants: Cuteness, Tit and Sweet Pea.
The pot: R3000.
The bet: Who will be the first to get engaged before the 9th March 2009?
Tit’s money is on Sweet Pea
Cuteness’s and Sweet Pea’s money is on Tit.
Note: No one’s money is on me! If I am the first to fall, then I get the entire pot. (Unlikely)
No grooms where named in the making of this bet.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
In the spirit of this I decided to post about a bet that was made a couple of weeks ago.
Who will be the first to fall?!
Participants: Cuteness, Tit and Sweet Pea.
The pot: R3000.
The bet: Who will be the first to get engaged before the 9th March 2009?
Tit’s money is on Sweet Pea
Cuteness’s and Sweet Pea’s money is on Tit.
Note: No one’s money is on me! If I am the first to fall, then I get the entire pot. (Unlikely)
No grooms where named in the making of this bet.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Tuesday, March 27
Teenagers really do know it all!!!
I heard a very interesting report on the news this morning and when I got into work I went and found the article on it.
A leading pharmaceutical company, a global one I might add, brought out a fruit juice in New Zealand that claimed to have the highest Vitamin C content compared to all the other competitors' products on the market. It further claimed that its black currant flavour had 7 times more Vitamin C content than oranges do. Now I studied food and I know that to make a claim on a label and to advertise a statement like that is a huge huge thing. The processes that you have to go through to get everything approved and validated by the Food and Drug Administration, in my opinion is far too much effort. It really really is a huge mission and it takes months and months of testing and experiments. So this company then advertises all over the press and it's label that it contains this ridiculous amount of Vitamin C and obviously their sales boom with our ever increasing health conscience consumers. Anyway two little high school girls, aged 14, decided to conduct a class science experiment to test the content of the Vitamin C this product claimed to contain and these two little lighties found that it had ZERO Vitamin C in it at all. They then took it to higher levels to get tested more efficiently and their findings were indeed correct. These two little budding Einsteins then went to this company and were ignored over and over and over again, until more influential people got involved and now they have been found guilty. They have been fined over US$160 000 and my best part is that they have to run adverts apologising and stating very clearly that their product does not in fact contain the vitamin content it so previously claimed to.
The more I think about the more it makes me wonder how on earth did the manage to make all those statements and claims in the first place? Does New Zealand not have the same strict marketing and advertising legislation regarding food labels as we do? And how can a leading pharmaceutical company actually do that in the first place?
Society has become so obsessed with healthy food products that your average joe now reads food labels too when making food choices. Do all these big companies now think that if they just slap a Heart Foundation or High in Vitamins and Minerals statement on their labels they will increase their sales volumes? As much as I thought that bus of a legislation, that I unfortunately had to study I might add, was such a mission and I hated it, I now realise just how necessary it actually is. I have a sneaky suspicion we might be hearing a lot more of these types of stories in the future after this little high school science experiment landed one of the world's leading pharmaceutical giants in the proverbial crap!!!
Have a PMS/CBS free day now
Sweet Pea
A leading pharmaceutical company, a global one I might add, brought out a fruit juice in New Zealand that claimed to have the highest Vitamin C content compared to all the other competitors' products on the market. It further claimed that its black currant flavour had 7 times more Vitamin C content than oranges do. Now I studied food and I know that to make a claim on a label and to advertise a statement like that is a huge huge thing. The processes that you have to go through to get everything approved and validated by the Food and Drug Administration, in my opinion is far too much effort. It really really is a huge mission and it takes months and months of testing and experiments. So this company then advertises all over the press and it's label that it contains this ridiculous amount of Vitamin C and obviously their sales boom with our ever increasing health conscience consumers. Anyway two little high school girls, aged 14, decided to conduct a class science experiment to test the content of the Vitamin C this product claimed to contain and these two little lighties found that it had ZERO Vitamin C in it at all. They then took it to higher levels to get tested more efficiently and their findings were indeed correct. These two little budding Einsteins then went to this company and were ignored over and over and over again, until more influential people got involved and now they have been found guilty. They have been fined over US$160 000 and my best part is that they have to run adverts apologising and stating very clearly that their product does not in fact contain the vitamin content it so previously claimed to.
The more I think about the more it makes me wonder how on earth did the manage to make all those statements and claims in the first place? Does New Zealand not have the same strict marketing and advertising legislation regarding food labels as we do? And how can a leading pharmaceutical company actually do that in the first place?
Society has become so obsessed with healthy food products that your average joe now reads food labels too when making food choices. Do all these big companies now think that if they just slap a Heart Foundation or High in Vitamins and Minerals statement on their labels they will increase their sales volumes? As much as I thought that bus of a legislation, that I unfortunately had to study I might add, was such a mission and I hated it, I now realise just how necessary it actually is. I have a sneaky suspicion we might be hearing a lot more of these types of stories in the future after this little high school science experiment landed one of the world's leading pharmaceutical giants in the proverbial crap!!!
Have a PMS/CBS free day now
Sweet Pea
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