Booze Poops.

Now most that know me know I am not one to discuss bodily functions. I have issues with bodily functions. I was in Std 8 when I first used a public loo. I realized that one cannot go to a club and not pee all night, one would surely die. (Even though the female bladder can hold up to 6 litres. It is not a good idea to test this however, as one would end up in hospital or die). So it was my venturing into the world of night clubs and drinking that finally enabled me to use a public loo. So now I am finally comfortable with the whole peeing concept. (Until Durban decided that knocking was optional and discovered me on the loo).

Having ‘slightly’ over-shared with you all now, Im sure you can gather that this post is in fact not about real booze poops, but something different, a different effect that booze has on people that has them running in a different direction. I am talking about verbal booze poops. The word vomit that just comes out of you when you have had a few too many, you know its happening, you know you don’t want to be saying the things you are but no matter how you try to control it (or the other person tries to shut you up) there is no stopping those words from leaving your mouth.

So yes, when Im drunk I don’t shut up. Everyone is my best friend and I am so overjoyed to see everyone. (Visualize big dramatic eeekkk and a huge hug filled with much laughter and joy. Not pretty!). And if we start talking, I will tell you everything! Things that I refuse to write down because most people can read writing but not minds. I will tell you about my secret crush, my bra size, my weight and in fact Ill even show you my underwear. (Even if you didn’t ask to see it, I believe at that time you need see my undergarments because they are just so pretty!) I will tell you about the first time I heard my parents doing the unthinkable and the most recent time, and how important I think it is to have a great sex-life, even after 60 and how thrilled I am that they still have a good sex-life because after all it’s a sign of a happy and healthy marriage. I will tell you my theories on global warming and how I believe it is hugely hugely hugely exaggerated (another post perhaps). I will tell you if you are my crush and that I will no longer harass you so you can rest easy. (Happened more than once!) If I do not like your hair, clothes or even you, I will tell you and give you a big hug afterwards like you are my sister and then buy you a drink. No secret of mine is sacred which I discovered on Friday night as I rambled on and on and on and on and on to some poor mate.

I know most people over share after a few so to all those who know people how cannot hold their words as well as they can hold their alcohol, if you see those words about to fly out their mouths, grab their hand and buy them a drink or take them to dance those words off! You will be saving yourself and them.

Remain Infinitely Cute (and quiet)
XXX