Conversations with Mamma Cuteness

There are times in every girls' life that they realise their mother is totally insane! Now i have known that my mother is insane for quite sometime. Although I cannot remember the exact moment I realised this. It could have been the time she threw a stool across the school hall and breaking it (did I mention it was a metal stool) because a student was rude. Luckily no one was injured in the incident, except the stool. Or it might have been the time she was dancing in the rain with her umbrella (closed) outside the Keg and Dolphin, singing Cuteness, cuteness,come here we are leaving! Luckily the mates I was with knew of my mother.... Or it could have been the time the phone rang and she sat down to answer it, and said "Hello" without actually picking up the phone?

Lately my mother has been rather less insane I guess one could say, due to certain instances not to be discussed, but over the last week, I have certain glitters of the good old Mamma Cuteness.

Last week Saturday Morning. Previous evening was spent at the infamous Maneater.

Mamma Cuteness: So what boyfriend did you meet last night?

now i have met everyone's boyfriends so this question was a little odd to me...
Cuteness: None mom.

Mamma Cuteness: (slams coffee cup) This is ridiculous!!!!!!!!! Its time you find a
boyfriend. I mean really! You know you are just like me. (hmmm)
You know how to flirt but you don't know how to come on to guys,
letting them know you like them. Its a complete miracle I married
your father, the poor man had to chase and chase. Didn't you The Don?

The Don: Yup.

Cuteness: So mom made you work hard hey dad?

The Don: Yup.
(The Don is a man of few words.)

Mamma Cuteness: I don't know what it is Cuteness but you don't have it. Doc has it, and
CT (oldest friend in the world) has it, but you just don't that certain
thing...

The Don: Mmmmmmmm that is true.

Mamma Cuteness: We are not saying you are unattractive, at all!! I just don't know
anymore.
(right about now I am feeling like Rosie 0'Donnel before bypass surgery)

Then last night we went off to watch her school play. Was an enjoyable evening as we laughed as the boys dressed as girls swished their hips and flirted with the male actors....
Afterwards while saying bye to Mamma Cuteness she grabbed my arm and said I was not to leave because I had to meet the boy who played the captain in the play as she had told him he could marry me. Luckily as she rushed off to find my 17 year old future husband she got sidetracked and the meeting never happened.

Now I know that I am getting a bit older now, and that my mother has given up on Drug Dealer and Beers but seriously, a 17 year old? SERIOUSLY?!?!

Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX

Booze Poops.

Now most that know me know I am not one to discuss bodily functions. I have issues with bodily functions. I was in Std 8 when I first used a public loo. I realized that one cannot go to a club and not pee all night, one would surely die. (Even though the female bladder can hold up to 6 litres. It is not a good idea to test this however, as one would end up in hospital or die). So it was my venturing into the world of night clubs and drinking that finally enabled me to use a public loo. So now I am finally comfortable with the whole peeing concept. (Until Durban decided that knocking was optional and discovered me on the loo).

Having ‘slightly’ over-shared with you all now, Im sure you can gather that this post is in fact not about real booze poops, but something different, a different effect that booze has on people that has them running in a different direction. I am talking about verbal booze poops. The word vomit that just comes out of you when you have had a few too many, you know its happening, you know you don’t want to be saying the things you are but no matter how you try to control it (or the other person tries to shut you up) there is no stopping those words from leaving your mouth.

So yes, when Im drunk I don’t shut up. Everyone is my best friend and I am so overjoyed to see everyone. (Visualize big dramatic eeekkk and a huge hug filled with much laughter and joy. Not pretty!). And if we start talking, I will tell you everything! Things that I refuse to write down because most people can read writing but not minds. I will tell you about my secret crush, my bra size, my weight and in fact Ill even show you my underwear. (Even if you didn’t ask to see it, I believe at that time you need see my undergarments because they are just so pretty!) I will tell you about the first time I heard my parents doing the unthinkable and the most recent time, and how important I think it is to have a great sex-life, even after 60 and how thrilled I am that they still have a good sex-life because after all it’s a sign of a happy and healthy marriage. I will tell you my theories on global warming and how I believe it is hugely hugely hugely exaggerated (another post perhaps). I will tell you if you are my crush and that I will no longer harass you so you can rest easy. (Happened more than once!) If I do not like your hair, clothes or even you, I will tell you and give you a big hug afterwards like you are my sister and then buy you a drink. No secret of mine is sacred which I discovered on Friday night as I rambled on and on and on and on and on to some poor mate.

I know most people over share after a few so to all those who know people how cannot hold their words as well as they can hold their alcohol, if you see those words about to fly out their mouths, grab their hand and buy them a drink or take them to dance those words off! You will be saving yourself and them.

Remain Infinitely Cute (and quiet)
XXX

Regrets

so it seems today i am having one of those days, so for those of you who cant stand these days of mine, simply top reading now...

Seeing as its June and we are somewhere near the middle of the year, i took a look back at the previous 6 months. Unfortunately this little backtrack of mine was filled mostly with regrets...

Firstly i angered and hurt someone extremely badly. (Although i am currently very very very slowly growing back to normal size after feeling exceptionally small after a few social encounters with this person)
Secondly unburdening my secret to my parents at time when things were hard enough for them. (and family) My timing could have been better but i guess some things cannot be held inside any longer.
My third regret is wasting so much energy on 2 people. It fuels my rage and sadness everyday. Mostly with myself. Firstly, because the one person evokes any kind of emotion in me at all, i wish to be totally indifferent towards this person and am unable to do so. It is positively infuriating!!!
Secondly I am angry for wasting time on another person, for falling for them, knowing that they are most likely wrong in every way, that nothing would come of it but still breaking my no-expectations rule.
And finally for not being able to tell everyone what it is really like to be me.

these are the ones that stick out at the moment....

Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX

How to save a life.

How to save a life.

There are people in your life you laugh and cry with. You can have huge amounts of fun with them, you feel at ease with them. They know you well and they know your faults, they accept you despite them. They know your moods and respect them. They are supportive of you and you are of them.

These are the people that make you grow.

Then there are people in your life that don’t need to see tears to know that you are crying. They know when you have cried yourself to sleep just by looking at you. They know your nervous laugh, your fake laugh, your “I’m ok” laugh and your real laugh. They can tell what you thinking or what you want just by subtle changes in your facial expressions. They know the songs you love, ones you will like, the ones you hate and the ones with very bad memories. They know what you need and when you are heading for a crash landing before you do. They know when you have done something completely uncharacteristic and this causes them to worry. They consider the smallest thing that might make you uncomfortable when most people wouldn’t think about it or even care. Their friendship with you is completely unselfish and yours is the same with them. They are completely honest with you. You do not need to explain or tell them of your problems or feelings because they innately know, understand and care, taking away that feeling of loneliness away with even a simple text that could actually have nothing but a full stop in it or an x. They consider you at all times, knowing what you would feel in just about every situation. They know your phobias and fears and no matter how silly, respect them and consider them at all times. You feel safe and secure in their company, a little untouchable bubble of love and loyalty, where all in the bubble are protected and cared for equally. They do not judge you but stand beside you and they hold you up when you are unable to do so yourself.

These are the people that save your life.

Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX