Till Death.

This week is my parent’s 37th anniversary. It’s a little frightening because my parents don’t seem old enough to be married for that long! My mom was 21 when she got married and 24 when she had my sissy. My moms look at me and said I still think of you as a children but I was married and a mother at your age. And I’m still scared of the dark, nevermind having to tell a little one that there is nothing to be afraid of when the lights go out…

In the spirit of this I decided to post about a bet that was made a couple of weeks ago.

Who will be the first to fall?!

Participants: Cuteness, Tit and Sweet Pea.
The pot: R3000.
The bet: Who will be the first to get engaged before the 9th March 2009?
Tit’s money is on Sweet Pea
Cuteness’s and Sweet Pea’s money is on Tit.
Note: No one’s money is on me! If I am the first to fall, then I get the entire pot. (Unlikely)
No grooms where named in the making of this bet.

Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX

Teenagers really do know it all!!!

I heard a very interesting report on the news this morning and when I got into work I went and found the article on it.

A leading pharmaceutical company, a global one I might add, brought out a fruit juice in New Zealand that claimed to have the highest Vitamin C content compared to all the other competitors' products on the market. It further claimed that its black currant flavour had 7 times more Vitamin C content than oranges do. Now I studied food and I know that to make a claim on a label and to advertise a statement like that is a huge huge thing. The processes that you have to go through to get everything approved and validated by the Food and Drug Administration, in my opinion is far too much effort. It really really is a huge mission and it takes months and months of testing and experiments. So this company then advertises all over the press and it's label that it contains this ridiculous amount of Vitamin C and obviously their sales boom with our ever increasing health conscience consumers. Anyway two little high school girls, aged 14, decided to conduct a class science experiment to test the content of the Vitamin C this product claimed to contain and these two little lighties found that it had ZERO Vitamin C in it at all. They then took it to higher levels to get tested more efficiently and their findings were indeed correct. These two little budding Einsteins then went to this company and were ignored over and over and over again, until more influential people got involved and now they have been found guilty. They have been fined over US$160 000 and my best part is that they have to run adverts apologising and stating very clearly that their product does not in fact contain the vitamin content it so previously claimed to.

The more I think about the more it makes me wonder how on earth did the manage to make all those statements and claims in the first place? Does New Zealand not have the same strict marketing and advertising legislation regarding food labels as we do? And how can a leading pharmaceutical company actually do that in the first place?

Society has become so obsessed with healthy food products that your average joe now reads food labels too when making food choices. Do all these big companies now think that if they just slap a Heart Foundation or High in Vitamins and Minerals statement on their labels they will increase their sales volumes? As much as I thought that bus of a legislation, that I unfortunately had to study I might add, was such a mission and I hated it, I now realise just how necessary it actually is. I have a sneaky suspicion we might be hearing a lot more of these types of stories in the future after this little high school science experiment landed one of the world's leading pharmaceutical giants in the proverbial crap!!!

Have a PMS/CBS free day now

Sweet Pea

Player Update

View United is battling! We have lost some of our best players, including recent MPPs. The situation is diabolical with 2 players sitting on the bench and only 1 player scoring goals. Here is a recent player summary.

Coach and masters are still participating in friendlys as they have been from the beginning. Their roles remain the same and they perform them with the same high levels of skill as before.

Doc has gone into retirement. In fact, she barely participates in friendlys. Although she does come to the match, she just sits on the bench absorbed in Durban. Yes, Durban was the one that forced our reigning MPP into retirement. In fact, one could say they are the admin staff of View United. This is because their admin has created some interesting situations. The rest of the team, like most people, cannot stand the admin but it appears they have to deal with it. Needless to say the admin is ALWAYS silly, which just frustrates the team more. However, Durban now has someone to dye his hair for him.
The storms along the coast line recently were not cause by the alignment of the earth, moon and sun as people seem to believe. It was in fact caused by Durban’s disgust over being called a groupie, he believes he should be on the team. I did however manage to show him that he didn’t want the stigma and public humiliation of scoring an own goal. Incest is still a crime here, we are not in Utah people.

Tit is also in retirement but she participates in friendlys whenever the aging family does not require feeding at their birthday dinner. Her groupie, though not new on her scene, is a bit of a new-comer to The View United Fan/groupie Club. Von Dutch(man) has made few appearances because he has been away so not much to report on him just yet, I’m hoping to see a little more from this groupie as the others have been so committed in the past.
Token and myself have found our way back to the bench. Actually Token never left the bench in all honesty. Although he attempted to kick something the other night, it wasn’t actually for any form of game play and he kicked me instead, bruising my ankle.

Our MVP Delicious is the only one earning her paycheck! She is now the MPP too. Watching this girl play is jaw dropping. Her skill and perfection are so evident, her game play is smooth and confident as she commands the field. When out on the field the other teams are attracted to her like moths to a flame baby!!! She is carrying View United, like Johnny Wilkinson carried the English team to victory through the last world cup. Delicious will not suffer any pain (particularly in her back) for carrying the weight that is View United as her skills are unmatchable and irresistible.

What looked like a promising season for the team has turned into a season scarred by scandal and player loss. The vast number of their supporters are worried about the remaining players and the evident lack of commitment shown by the other players.

Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX

Happily Ever After my ASS

Why is it that the people who deserve the most in life never actually get it? And the people who don't deserve it...get it ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Possibly the most selfish, useless person I know in this world gets everything handed to them on a silver platter...whilst another person close to me gets nothing. The latter has to work her ass off to make ends meet...and never complains doing it. Still she finds time to be there for everyone else in her life. She never puts herself first...But come the time that she truly needs help, the one person who is able to give it to her refuses, because she apparently 'ruined his life' a lifetime ago...

I struggle to see how she ruined his life when he is sitting pretty financially and emotionally, and is happy in his new life. The new life happens to be with the above mentioned selfish, lazy bitch which is where my dilemma comes in...

How do I continue to show respect to this person when all she does is think about herself and how she can keep up with the Jones' that are her friends? Sincerity and genuineness certainly don't feature in her vocabulary. But man is she good at faking it...

So, in a nutshell, you have a man...let's call him Bob. You have a lazy, useless excuse for a decent woman...we will call her Slob. And you have a wonderful, caring, loving woman...let's call her Love (please excuse creative nightmare on the names).

Bob and Love end their relationship. Bob continues to punish Love for years on end...for what? I wish i knew...Bob then finds Slob and convinces himself that he is happy with her and together they make Love (doubtful :))...make Love - the person - and everyone else close to her's life a living hell...

Marriage = wonderful
Divorce = a f*cking disaster
Divorce + Slob + a very changed Bob = quarter life crisis for myself !!!!!!!!!!!!

I have had my moan...Next post will be full of fun and laughter I promise - just have to get drunk and make another ass out of myself first :)

Have a good week all...
Yours in Monday/Divorce Blues
Tit

Flowers

A bunch of roses arrived in my favorite colour.
They really are beautiful.
The card was sweet.
So why do I feel so shocking?

Out for a Golden Duck

I have this alarming skill of making a complete ass of myself and last night I did such a perfect job that I had the entire Dodgy Rodger adding in their little bit on the event.

Infinite Cuteness walks up to the wicket. The crowds and fellow team mates watch with antici…..pation. She approaches the wicket. Before she takes her stance, she does her signature hair flick and prepares for the ball that will soon be flying at her at great speed. The crowd holds their breathe……… The other team yells with glee, Cuteness is out… for a GOLDEN DUCK!

Ok, granted this is a little cryptic. So, last night, while desperately looking for a place to put our bums last night, I saw some stools standing wide open. I rushed over, reading to plonk my ass on one. A girl told me that her boyfriend and some mates were sitting there. I looked at her ever so coyly, slowly started to sit and suggested they stand for a bit….. At which point I realized that I was putting my bum down on fresh air! In slow motion I fell to the floor! Now I wasn’t drunk, was on my first drink which was half full (note: first drink – first ball – out = golden duck). And no it was not in a little tucked away corner or in a very empty restaurant. It was smack bam in centre of a very packed Jolly! The girl helped me up. My friends had walked off, but they did not realize I had fallen. Durban said “I turned around and u were there then turned back and you were gone! Then this girl said that I just walked off and left you after you fell, and she called me a C@#$.” People watched as I told my friends of my story, blushing and giggling. They laughed and smiled at me trying to make it seem ok. I just felt small. Very very small.

Needless to say I have a bruised bum, back and tricep. Being renowned for my clumsiness I haven’t had a spectacular fall in a long while, this one makes up for the rest of 2007!

Girl on girl action.

Last week I headed off to the optometrist. So I’m sitting in the office waiting, looking at the structure of the eye and contacts that make your eyes violet. When in walks the optometrist. Now usually this usually isn’t an event but she was someone I went to school with! Not that that was the bad part, she was a year BELOW me. Oh my gosh, panic ensues, I’m sure she is going to poke out my eyes with her pen while asking me to look at the giant E. She doesn’t. Instead things go as all eye tests do. I walk out to pick some new frames. Now the girl from school looks at me in the frames I have selected and tells me I have a face for glasses, I should be a glasses model. Enter the SHMODEL pose. (It seems to follow me everywhere and pop up in the most bizarre places!) Finally someone who agrees with me, I should be a model. (Hahaha)

Now this encounter made me recall my school days. My entire school career was spent in schools which were all-girl institutions. My primary school was a catholic school, with all the trimmings. Nuns, Religion everyday, 2 hour masses and monthly religious retreats. My high school was not a convent with no nuns with rulers (eventually the red swollen knuckles healed). Although the 2 schools were very different, the unspoken rules that all the girls followed remained the same. These are as follows.

1. There are 4 core groups in every year. The Academics. They quietly get on with their many academic triumphs without causing too much of a stir. The Ass-Kissers. They are not as clever as The Academics, but achieve through hard work. They are the girls that sacrifice the other girls in the year just to make themselves look better. (These are the girls whose mom did all their work for them in primary school). The Rebels. These girls didn’t over achieve or under achieve. They spent most of their time in trouble. If something happened that was considered “unacceptable” behaviour, these were the girls who were looked at first, generally because they were responsible. Finally The A Team. These are the girls who were general over-achievers in sport and academics. They were fun and could get away with odd bad behaviour. This is the group where you would generally find your head-girls and prefects…
2. The girls in younger standards are generally the enemy, despite the friendly hellos in the hallway and hugs and kisses at boy-school socials.
3. Each group in every year has a specific spot where they sit EVERY break. No one is to sit in a groups spot, regardless of superiority. If this rule is broken a silent war ensues. This may eventually turn into a physical war as I learnt in Std 5.
4. If a girl in a younger year dates an ex-boyfriend of an older girl, chaos ensues. There are no group divides here, it is year on year war here people. I’m afraid being ‘traded in for a younger model rage’ doesn’t just come into play when you are 40. This too can turn into a physical battle, which I again learnt in Std 5. (catholic girls are rough ok)

Now seeing this girl from school brought back memories of just how ridiculous girls can be. All the bitchiness and gossiping really was so pathetic and unnecessary. We all had pretty much the same insecurities and all feel like every female on the planet is against us. A couple of years down the line and we can all sit and chat nicely as if none of that bickering ever happened, still feeling awkward from our silliness at school. Hindsight is really 20/20. Mine isn’t though and my new pink glasses look absolutely smashing on my fabulous self *shmodel pose*

Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX

Who are the real animals?

A few months ago, a few of us decided to head off to JHB zoo. Now I had never been to a zoo and judging from the expression on my mothers face when I told her I was going, I knew exactly why. We arrived and I was instantly disturbed. Nothing worse than seeing African Elephants with a chain around their ankles and a brown bear with a plastic bottle in its mouth. When we got to the chimps I watched the interaction between the people watching and the chimps. When the chimps clapped, the people clapped. When the chimps pointed to a person, they would do something stupid or lift up the food they were holding. I watched in a rage and then it occurred to me, who exactly was teasing who, who actually were the performing animals?
Needless to say I find zoos repulsive and abusive to animals. Watching the polar bear display the behaviour that is typical of animals in captivity broke my heart even further, especially because I have seen these magnificent creatures in their natural habitat, as with most of the animals in the zoo.

Now this is not just another of my random ramblings. Last night I'm sure many of you saw the animal footage on Carte Blanche. Few things seem to move me in any way these days but the shots of the leopard and baby baboon left me speechless and covered in goosies. As I sit here now thinking about it, I am once again covered in goosies. The female baboon had tried to kill the leopard’s young and to save its baby’s life, the leopard killed the baboon. But the baboon had the tiniest of babies and the leopard then spent the rest of the night caring for this tiny creature. It was something, to me, that represented the true meaning of life. Unfortunately the baby died due to the cold but the leopard did its best to care for it.

People kill, rape and steal. They destroy the lives of other people and even children. More often than not these acts are not committed as a means to survive (no person needs to rape another individual or child to get food) but for some sick pleasure. In the wild, all actions are about survival. They say people are different from animals because they have the ability to reason, the ability to distinguish between right and wrong.

I wonder who the real animals are.

Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX

No Prada for Sweet Pea

I watched The Devil Wears Prada two weekends ago and whilst it was a very enjoyable movie and the shoes were just SOOOOO beautiful and made me so jealous, it made me realise just how big office politics are. Now Meryl Streep was just a flat out cow but it got me thinking about my office politics even more than I already do.

Now its no news that I don't find my job particularly enthralling or stimulating but let me tell you the politics in this office are MIND BLOWING. You not only have the big big boss who occasionally sleeps with the boss one below her in the royalty rank order (and he is married with child number 2 on the way to boot), the condom wrappers that are found under the couches in the hallways, and the occasional hook up of people at the bar on a Friday evening. The office hook up politics aside, and I definitely live by the "DO NOT DIP YOUR PEN IN COMPANY INK its just plain stupid" motto, the other everyday politics makes Days of Our Lives and The Bold and the Beautiful look like an episode of Teletubbies. It is unbelievable!!!

The company I work for is made up of various brands and they all merged 2 years back under one name which is the company I work for. So this happened 2 years back yet there is still the big US versus THEM mentality. Enter Sweet Pea in her new position which involves doing product training amongst the various brands. Oh my goodness gracious me. If I could tell you the "Who the hell do you think you are" looks that I get and the "What the hell do you know at your age" attitude it makes my head spin. Now I am there for THEM, I provide training for THEIR benefit and am essentially there for anything THEY could possibly need when it comes to training. Now I don't know about you but when I started working I would have loved it if someone was there for me so that I could learn about the stuff that I am now coincidentally training them about. So I now have this GIGANTIC brick wall that I now have to try and forge me way through. I have adopted the keep it simple stupid attitude now and it seems to be getting slightly better, the last time I was up there I actually got a friendly hello. Its a start, not expecting much more in the near future though.

Now I have been transferred over to a different manager who is also my General Manager, who is also a female. Now let me just try and explain the fact that we have a CEO and a General Manager that are both female, does not sit well in my previous managers eyes. Now my previous manager is very male and very RIGHT all the time and he just cant seem to let go of managing my role. Enter office politics number 1093, he has an issue with my General Manager and in my current person I report to directly to her, so he interferes all the time and thus traps me into a sexist, political, very uncomfortable triangle. Now don't get me wrong I don't mind him at all, he has always been nice to me but he is a bit of a pot stirrer and thus gets me shoved right into the middle of a battle field with no armour or weapons. I am at the end of the day far too trusting and naive so I don't see it coming at all!

Now as much as i would love to stand up and say "Listen bud BACK OFF and let me get on with my job in peace!!!!", sigh......I cant do that. So here I sit in World War III, in the middle of the battle field, alone in a trench and unfortunately with no Prada shoes at all!

Have a PMS/CBS/Office Politic free day now

Sweet Pea

P.S. Rodger is still alive and well, almost a month later!!!!!

It has begun...

So the other day on Facebook, I came across an old friend. I went to his Matric dance back in the day and it was good to make contact again. It turned out he is now engaged, which is fantastic news really. So I was telling the parents about how I had managed to get in touch with him again and my mother’s face lit up. “He was such a nice boy, you should see him again. He did like you once.” Ok true he did have a crush on me but I didn’t reciprocate, and some years later I can look back and say that I missed out on a good man there. Mind you he did buggar off to England, fight in the war…. I inform my mother that he is engaged and living in England………. And it starts…….

(Please note for ease of typing, my thoughts will be in BOLD)

“I think you scare boys off, you horrible to them.” No ALEX scares them and I am a very nice person thank you very much! “What about what’s his face, he had a thing for you I’m sure.” Clearly he made an impression on you though, you calling him what’s his face. “And what about so and so? Didn’t you quite like him? No mom so and so has a VERY serious girlfriend. Their hip attachment operation was a huge success by the way. “O. But you know lots of boys, do you like none of them? This is because you are horrible to them you know” We are mates mom, don’t you know, I'm THAT girl. And I’m not horrible, ok well only to vultures and hyenas abut they deserve it and… “Your problem is you don’t make a move on the boys you like. Boys are shy too you know, maybe if you made a move on one of them you would see that these ‘friends’ actually like you.” Did you just tell me to make a move and after interrupting my thoughts? What is that? "Anyway you 24 now, need to start having decent mature relationships with boys so you can figure out what type you like and things.” Mom, you are an English teacher, mature and a boy together is an oxymoron. And boys aren’t a problem, its men that are few and far between! “Ask tit and sweet pea if they know any nice boys for you, I’m sure they do, you know!”

She then heads off to rehearsal (she is directing the school play) leaving my father and me to putter around in a comfortable silence. The Don is a man of few words and we had chatted quite a bit today so I couldn’t imagine what else he would need to know. Besides cricket was on, all I had to do was finish up the cooking, then clean up, make the coffee and plonk in the lounge. BUT THEN HE STARTS… I nearly fell off my chair, (it was like that time I saw him actually petting one of our dogs, he doesn’t even know their names and we have had them for 2 years!!) (Once again bold rule applies.)

I thought what’s his face quite liked you” nope. “And so and so” just friends.
“Ok, any other guys on the scene?” ‘Fraid not dad. If you had bought me A new pair of breasteses like a asked a few years back, maybe things would have been different! To that he just kinda giggled and said he will have his coffee in the lounge.

And so the pressure has begun. I can just see the 2 of them chatting in bed. “You know, cuteness is 25 this year. She isn’t going to have her limited looks forever, and she isn’t that smart. We have to marry her off quickly.” “But she is so horrible to boys. I’m going to ask brother cuteness if he has any nice friends.”

Ok I don’t think the conversation has quite gone like this but she has indeed asked my brother if he has some nice friends for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I had had this problem about a year ago but things eased up. Now it seems the pressure is back. Perhaps a date will happen soon and then there will be reprieve for a while, or will that make it worse……

(psst don't forget to read the other 2 posts from 2day, Durban did a good job!)

Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX

A Cameo....

Introducing our very first male post, from our dear and beloved Durban. He felt the need to share this story on PMS and CBS as perhaps he was in fact experiencing some PMS himself, which clouded his otherwise good judgement...
GIVE IT UP FOR DURBAN.........

Why men were just never meant to dye their hair...

It is unfortunate that at the tender age of 22 I have begun my downward spiral to middle agedness and caught a couple (couple being completely under exaggerated but it makes me feel better) of silver hairs sprouting from my scalp. Yes it is a sign of wisdom, yes its esteemed bla bla yadder yadder, I’m 24 years old for god sakes! There are many years when this look will serve me well, but just not now!

So my theory has always been that as I embrace this concept of metro sexuality, if the solution is as easy as coating your head with a substance and letting it ferment for a little then…..why the bloody hell not! When I lived in Durban and everything (I mean everything) was half the price as it is in the big smoke I would every now and then have some nice young lady coat and ferment at a reasonable fee. Enter Dave and Johan…..in my quest to find a hairdresser in the big smoke I venture over to the center opposite my work and ask whether they would be willing to cut, coat and ferment and what fee they would be requesting. The lovely young lady said something ridiculous like R800.00 after which I promptly reminded her that I dint want to acquire shares in her fine establishment but only a cut, coat and ferment. I decided to settle for the cut (which I won’t lie in Durban probably would have got me the majority shareholding) and decided that I could always resort to a box later (bad bad bad idea)…..

Oh and who the bloody hell are Dave and Johan anyway……

Granted the haircut was like something out of this world, (partly cause I still cant identify the instruments she took to my head and started slashing around with and partly cause the head massage was long enough for me to fall asleep too) but wow what a price.

Now a little financially scarred I did resort to the box, thinking that because I now live with a woman she can surely offer the same service as that lovely young lady over at Dave and Johan’s for a fraction of the price…….wow what a bad bad idea. (I will reserve comment at this stage as to whether it was a bad idea due to tit being half drunk and wholly inadequate at the job and perhaps let you decide).

After I had spent much time trying to decide whether I wanted to spend R60 or R80 or R100 on the box (anything above out of the question) I came home finally with a well suited colour at a reasonable price and waited patiently for my reprobate flat mate to return home from the pub, sorry I mean work, sorry I mean Nashua (all the same really).

As she entered the door…….I took it upon myself to do the mixing (who reads instructions these days when you have a supposed expert to guide you) and put the tube of stuff into the bottle with the breaky bit at the end.

My reprobate flat mate then began to coat…….and coat and coat…..yawn……… and then left me unsupervised (bad bad idea) to go have a shower.

Well after sometime and when I noticed white shit all over my head I decided to consult the instructions. In momentary panic and what now turns out to be complete lapse of judgment (again I was unsupervised) I realized that the shit in tube was the conditioner and the reactor stuff was what I intended to use as the conditioner…..hmmm, what to do. So I then decided that because I refused to waste the money saved so far I would mix what was left and the new reactor stuff into the applicator bottle and coat myself (my female supervision still unfortunately showering).

Now since hers is the only other room (yes it does have carpets and white linen) with a mirror (other than the bathroom of course), I head off to her dressing table with my newly mixed concoction and begin to coat myself (obviously without gloves, really why do you need them). I coat the remainder on my head and very proud rub it all over for I remember something about having to do this so as to have it come out even……oh well (at this stage blissfully unaware that the conditioner and reactive crap don’t gel well and the reactive crap has reduced the conditioner to a substance with a water like texture and no staying power)!

It began when I couldn’t understand why this shit was running down my face like a mud slide but calmly I figured I must just wipe it off with toilet paper! Well one entire double ply roll later (I lasted this long because of the economics and the saving I really was trying to create) I figure this shit has got to come off NOW!! (At this stage I would like to point out that my half drunk female supervision is out of the bathroom saying absolutely nothing and adding to the false sense of security that I was doing OK!! Bullshit!!). Actually I lie she did say something like….. “You have used an entire role of toilet paper….ALARM BELLS TIT ALARM BELLS!!!!

When I eventually came out of the shower I realized that devastation that Hiroshima had actually caused had happened right there in our little abode. OMG!!!!!!!

My skin was stained to absolute shit! What to do, I am an attorney for F*&^CK sakes and have to see clients tomorrow. Out came the brand new Pot Scourer (aka yellow sponge with ROUGH green bit on end). I, after rubbing my very black hands in yet another lapse of consciousness took the bloody thing to my face and ears. Wow what an idiot, I still have the grazes TODAY!!!!!!

Then came the clean and clear of the disaster zone and with that the realization that the entire flat was covered in black shit…..everywhere! (The flat that my reprobate flat mate owns, I hasten to add, which makes it so much worse).

Well, we cleaned what was visible at night and I felt a whole lot better after the unassisted traumatic experience had finally come to an end (whatever).

Then came the morning and with that daylight……..

It went something like this……Tit now sober (thank god) and off to the pub, Arghh I mean work, went to the loo first. This is when she discovered spots on the toilet seat and shouted out at her find. She then went to the dressing table and OMG you guessed it, spots on her lovely cherry wood dressing table too. So now with my final lapse of consciousness I went and found my trusty pot scourer (I wasn’t joking about the grazes) and started with the table. Oh yes I should have worked out if it was capable of taking skin off my face, it too was capable of removing the varnish on a table….and that it did.

Now feeling so guilty I would rather not have woken up that morning at all I sprinted to the bathroom and used my trusty pot scourer on the porcelain toilet seat. Oh but it wasn’t porcelain and the paint came off their too. The guilt I tell you, the guilt…..it has plagued me ever since. (their were two more discoveries which I choose not elaborate on as I have wiped them from my memory, but briefly the white linen and her Hilton Weiner top weren’t able to survive the hairdye Hiroshima L)

In summary;

Cost of new toilet seat which was delivered yesterday………..R160.00

Cost of refurbishing cherry wood dressing table (sand and varnish)……..R1250.00 (Ouch you right)

Deciding not to let the lovely lady at Dave & Johan’s do what she considers her profession……………FUCKEN PRICELESS!!!

I will now sport my silver hair with PRIDE!!!! It’s meant to be there

Rabbits and Faux Pas

Ever had one of those moments when you open your mouth and your brains fly out? Well at this point in my life I'm surprised I have any brains left. Perhaps this is why I have been behaving like such a blonde the last little while. Anyway there was one particular occasion last year, when I out-did myself.

View United were at our local watering hole causing huge amounts of chaos as we do there. I do believe people leave when we arrive. We are a bunch of hazards I’m afraid, by the middle of the evening we monopolies the entire place and no one remains undisturbed and I am everyone’s friend.

So on this particular evening I was chatting to a few of the waitresses as we know each other pretty well, due mostly to my regular bad behaviour and excessive drinking. One of the waitresses had her boyfriend firmly attached to her side. He would come round every night she worked to keep an eye out. Gotta love male individuals such as these. So of course I was in friend-making zone and I introduced myself ever so friendlily, piling on the charm. He looked at me extended his hand and looked at me as though I was about to kill his puppy, and said simply “Warren”. Enter uncomfortable silence, crickets and tumbleweeds blowing in the wind. So Cuteness decides to break the ice, with her incredible sense of humour and joke telling skills.

Cuteness: I have a joke! (huge excitement on my face)

Warren: yes?
(the waitresses are so excited themselves because they know how utterly fabulous i am :) haha)

Cuteness: What do you call a guy with a rabbit up his ass?

Warren: ??

Cuteness: Warren (burst into laughter and am so thrilled with joke... the waitresses also laugh, INCLUDING the girlfriend.)

Warren: (deadpan)
(more crickets and tumbleweeds, sooooo loud. Even the tumbleweeds had crickets)

Well needless to say he was less than impressed. I can’t imagine why though! I offered to buy him a drink, no he doesn’t drink (stop Cuteness DO NOT say while on duty as girlfriend’s bodyguard and keeper. OR dehydration kills) I offer him non-alcoholic beverages. Nope. This guy was not going to let me give him any form of peace offering.

And what I learnt from all of this? People cannot smile when they have a rabbit up their arse.

Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX

Just when I thought....

So I have a vent about not having skype back and what do you know, the little darlings from our IT department not only give me a brand new computer but I got skype back too.

So I am now going to vent about:
a) Never winning the lotto
b) Diets never working
c) Brad Pitt never showing up naked on my doorstep
d) Not having that Porsche

Lets hold thumbs now that this works too

From a ridiculously happy

Sweet Pea

Without any further ado....

iI would like to take this opportunity to introduce Rodger to our little blogging world! Rodger is my new fish, yes I was allowed another one. Another red Siamese Fighter and I am very pleased to announce that he is over 2 weeks old and still alive and kicking, well finning/swimming around his vase (touch wood, lots and lots of it!!)

Rodger unlike Henry Fish (bless his little soul) has a very lively personality and quite frankly I think is a bit cooked in the head. He swims around his vase like a little speed demon and its great!

So hears hoping, for Rodger and quite frankly my relationships sake, that Rodger will be with us for a very loooooooong and happy fishy existence!

On a completely separate note I feel the urge to also have my little moan considering cuteness and tit both have had their turn! Well its a minor moan really:

MY SKYPE STILL ISN"T WORKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I am now officially (wish I could underline it 10 times for maximum effect!!) having withdrawal symptoms. This may seem like the most random thing to say and quite selfish considering there are starving children in Africa but in my world its big. I get bored quickly at work and skype was always my saving grace and now the only form of communication I have is google chat and quite frankly it sucks balls, the balls of a male ox in heat (OK that scared me slightly!!!) So now I ask myself why on earth do I rely on this tiny little programme so much when I hate computers? I think the answer to this problem lies in the fact that I think my job may be a tad bit on the boring side. However, it could also be that I have a short attention span!! Hmmmmm??? Or could it be that I become too dependent on things?? Hmmmm....my mind seriously ponders now. Think the fact that I am sitting here in the middle of a "working" day, firstly blogging and secondly trying to come up with some reason for my skype addiction and I have solved my problem....Get a new job!!! Anyone know of anything for me? But for now I am happy to say that I will stand up in a "meeting" and say....

"Hi my name is Sweet Pea and I am a skype addict!"

Another minor rant that I would like to get off my chest while I am at it is this bloody Gautrain!!! Not only has it disrupted roads near where I live it is now where I work too!!!! Think this may be yet another sign that I need to get a new job, hmmmmmm????

OK feel much better now that I have that off my chest. Sorry my girls I couldn't jump onto that anti-male bandwagon, I am definitely one of the fortunate few it would seem! Thanks Whiteboy ;0)

My last few words that I would like to leave with you all is aimed at Double R:

How'd you like them sharks??????

Have a fantastically PMS/CBS free day now

Sweet Pea

TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!!!

PREPOST WORDS: (to Cuteness and Sweetpea....and every other awesome woman reading this...)
Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realise what a goldmine you are, doesn't mean you shine any less. Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out that you can't be topped, doesn't stop you from being the best. Just because no one has made this race worthwhile, doesn't give you permission to stop running!
Just because no one has realised how much of a woman you are, doesn't mean they can affect your femininity. Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level, doesn't mean you have to sink to theirs! Just because you deserve the very best there is, doesn't mean that life is always fair
Just because God is still preparing your king, doesn't mean that you are not already a queen. Just because your situation doesn't seem to be progressing right now, doesn't mean you have to change a thing!
Keep shining, keep running, keep hoping, keep praying, keep being exactly what you already are...AN AWESOME WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!


ACTUAL POST:
Its amazing how just when you think that everything is going well.....one comment or incident changes all of that in a matter of seconds!I was at a function a while ago. At the dinner on the first night, a rather good looking member of the male species was introduced to me. In fact no, not rather good looking...F*cKing GORGEOUS! So we chat for a while and Tit thinks nothing of it coz lets face it....a god like that certainly dwells in a league nowhere near my own...
Imagine my surprise then when he does actually start showing interest and keeps stopping me to chat, and whips me around the dance floor like Fred Astaire (apparently thats some famous dancer).....AAAAAAH....The memory of it all.......
As luck would have it, Tit has to leave early to fetch Durban from the airport. So whilst cursing Durban for having to arrive on that night, and whilst preparing myself for the scolding i am about to get from Durban for being an hour late (disgusting i know....but you have to understand...this situation doesnt often...in fact...NEVA happens to me!), i pick my lip off the floor and head towards the exit.
Enter Movie Moment number 101: Walking up the escalator i get pulled around and lunged by God! Yes angels......lunged!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Head in clouds for next 24 hours!

Next day of function and God is being super nice.....at dinner he continues earning major brownie points and just when I have started picturing the white picket fence, 2 dogs and 4 gorgeous kids we will have together, he drops the bombshell....that one little comment that proves that nobody can be that perfect!!!!!!!!HE IS INVOLVED.....HAS BEEN FOR YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The usual comments follow: I dont want to be with this person.......I know its over.........But its such a comfort zone for me.......And i dont want to hurt her by ending things!When asked why he lunged he responds: "I felt really guilty after it but i knew i had to do it coz we had such a connection!"CONNECTION MY ASS..............
So as my dreams of a future very quickly disipate into nothingness i find myself thinking...Its always too good to be true!
Why then do i still find myself thinking that he will leave her for me and he wont do the same thing to me......Its all bullshit of course - people sadly cant change i dont think......But.....such is life........

And Cuteness, we are not doomed - we simply have to change our mindsets and start enjoying one night stands i think! Relationships are for the birds!!!

Yours in PMS/CBS blues Tit
P.S, Have a moan i know! Bygones though!!!!!! Bring on the tequilla!

Cuteness you are one for a Lifetime.....

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.!



LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant .



Cuteness come rain or shine you are there. Whether we are happy or sad you are there and most importantly Cuteness now matter how badly we mess up you are ALWAYS there with a shoulder and you never ever waver as a friend. You are an infinite friend my girl!

A friend will bail you out of jail in the middle of the night but a true friend will be sitting right next to you and goodness grascious cuteness we were almost there!

Have a PMS/CBS/Infinitely Cute day now
Sweet Pea

You and I

You and I have known each other for months, years and decades. You are flawed as am I. I am more flawed than you know, more flawed than you, and it is for this reason that your actions anger me so, because I know you are better than this.

YOU expect what you do not give, and are angered when you do not receive it. How can I give you what you need when you do not give me what I need.
YOU publically humiliate me and remind me of things I wish to forget, constantly reminding me of my mistakes and failures but never recalling my successes.
YOU readily take money but count every cent that is your own.
YOU say what you wish, how you wish, when you wish but this is in no way something that is acceptable for me.
YOU make me feel insignificant and belittle me.
YOU don't allow me to speak and if I get the chance you make me feel a fool.
YOU make me feel silly for feeling anything that doesn't fit into your agenda. You expect me and in fact tell me to just get over it.
YOU offer insincere support, without an attempt to understand or offer the time to listen when I try to reach out to you. YOU support in a way that is convenient for you.
YOU laugh at my insecurities.
YOU encourage me to make mistakes to further your entertainment value.
YOU readily indulge is gossip instead of standing up for me or supporting me, safe in the knowledge that you know me better than to behave in such ways and then you behave as if I owe you an explanation.
YOU do not believe me when I am telling the truth about certain things because this does not fit into your agenda or perception of events.
YOU are selfish.
YOU believe you are the only one who has had a tough time and your problems are bigger than mine.
YOU purposefully humiliate me and enjoy it
YOU deceive me. YOU make me believe one thing about our relationship and then show me otherwise.
YOU say you are busy and that is why you cannot phone, but sometimes a quick text from you is enough to make my day. If it wasn't for my efforts I would never speak to you.
I am the centre of your universe when you want something or until someone better comes along.
YOU are not gentle with me in any way.
YOU think you are better than me and make no attempt to hide it.
YOU judge me without even trying to understand me.
YOU disappoint me, hurt me without even knowing, and in fact I do believe that if you did know, a part of you wouldn't care....

YOU are the people that do these things to me, my family, friends, family friends and yet YOU are the family, friends and family friends.

Not feeling Infinitely Cute
XXX

How to be a good talk-show host

Talk-shows are a dime a dozen. However some work and others fail miserably! This is due solely to the quality of the host and not the show (look at good ole Jerry). Here are the things that the Oprahs and Jerrys have, strangely they apply to a rather good approach on life.

1. Always have an interesting set, this should change with every new season, even if the changes are ever so subtle. If your set looks good, so do you.
2. Remain as objective as you possibly can, you are, after all, a type of journalist.
3. Be informed and up to date about hot topics and current events, especially when the topic is appearing or has appeared on your show.
4. Always have well groomed eyebrows.
5. Listen and empathize with your guests, show that you care, but never gush excessively! This is unnecessary and nauseating.
6. Always have perfectly manicured nails, great hair and healthy teeth.
7. Wear fabulous shoes.
8. Exude confidence in yourself, your show and your knowledge and abilities.
9. Only offer help when it is wanted.
10. Spectacular earrings are a must! Other jewelry is important but earrings seal the deal.
11. Have an incredibly sharp wit and always be entertaining, while remaining smart.
12. Don't trash talk other talk-show hosts.
13. Don’t misrepresent yourself, do confront your demons and scandals, chances are your audience knows about it, no space for a pink elephant on your set.
14. There should be a relationship between you and your audience so offer personal information to them. this encourages feelings of warmth and openness.
15. Always present the truth, people hate liars.
16. Have a pleasant laugh, no room for snorting here.
17. Always make a fabulous entrance and always be the picture of grace and elegance.
18. Have a signature closing line.
19. Always have the respect of the guests and of your audience.

And lastly

20.To really boost your ratings for a new season, give everyone a car, just because you can.

Remain Infinitely Cute

XXX

Retraction

A few posts ago I referred to a mate of mine as Cockroach. He informed me that this was hugely unacceptable and what his name should be. I apologies my friend. From this day forward Cockroach will be known as Studmuffin. Please all make the appropriate changes...

Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX

Can I check your car?

Quite a long rant...

Well car-guards are a part of every South African’s daily life. However the ones that work at the centre where our shop is are unlike any other I have ever come across. They are called the Rooi Koppies for the simple reason that the hats that are part of their uniform are the colour of those bright orange road cone jobs. But rooi koppies just sounds better than oranje Koppies and this is what we named them so… The rest of the uniform includes grey schoolboy pants and a white school shirt with a tie (the colour escapes me at this point). The uniform is the same for both males and females so one can imagine how wonderful the women look in this ensemble (doll). They get paid a monthly salary and rotate between various centres.
They have that lovely colour that says they have been boozing and standing in the sun too long. Their skin looks tough and leathery and most of the time they have ciggy hanging from their mouths. Some of them are older and look like they have had a rough ride of things; these are not the ones I wish to write about.

Suicidal over-sharer.
Now this girl couldn’t have been much over 25. Her hair was long, dark brown and incredibly curly. She had false nails on, that were always perfectly manicured (French of course). She wore bright blue eye shadow, thick black eyeliner and lots of mascara. Her lips were always a deep shade of red. Every so often she would come in and “test” the perfumes we had. One day she came into the shop only to display a huge and revolting wound on her leg. She said she had been hit by a car. Now this didn’t surprise me too much as I had often had to practice much self control in not ramming her with my car! Now I am not one to deal with much grossness and so I collapsed to the floor from being incredibly dizzy! My sister told her she would have to go to the doctor immediately as she was not equipped to deal with this. Now you need to realize it is bad when my sister says that, because she is ready to deal and fully capable to deal with most things.
One day I arrived at work, got out my car and saw her sprinting toward me, on injured leg. Damn that chick could move. She then reached me and launched into an incredibly intense tale of woe. Now I do have compassion but I am not one who believes that a person should talk of their problems to anyone that has a set of ears. She told me how she had tried to kill herself the night before and how tough things are for her. Now being in the pharmaceutical industry I have a pretty good knowledge of what can kill you, pill wise, and what she took wouldn’t ease a headache of mine. I told her that she should go see someone who has the proper knowledge to help her as I cannot offer her the proper help that she needed. She then told me she didn’t need help, she was fine and it was all to make her boyfriend worry and make him stay with her. At this point hitting her with my car sounded ever so appealing and if it had been closer I would have done it. Those that know me will know exactly why this act of hers sent me into a blind rage. As I shared my story with the rest of the people at work, it seems she had told them completely different stories of woe. She came into the shop a little later and asked to speak to me privately. It was then that she attempted to HUG me!!!!!! Still being in a rage from earlier (I had been slamming around the shop etc) I snapped at her not to touch me and walked away. This may sound exceptionally cold as she clearly needed help but as I said earlier those who know me well will understand where I coming from on this. She has been transferred to another parking lot.

The She-male
One day I was standing outside with my sissy and I looked at one of the car guards and said to my sissy that that boy couldn’t be older than 14 years. She told me that she thinks it’s a woman. Even after he-she has said a couple of words to me I still do not know what gender this person is.

Chatter-box.
There is another young car guard who likes to chat. Luckily it is Smalltalk. The one day, I was dashing in and out of the shop to get something urgent for my moms. He found it necessary to comment on the weather, busyness of the centre and George Bush. As I was walking and talking, I was after all on an urgent errand, I walked into the pharmacy before he could ask me if I preferred ER or Grays Anatomy. Leaving 5 minutes later, he rushed up to me in a panic and asked if I was sick. I told him I was getting something for my mom. He sighed with relief and thanked god I wasn’t ill. I wanted to ask him what my mother had ever done to him.

Now, generally I don’t mind car guards all too much but when I'm driving forward out of a parking, I really don’t need to be directed (happens at my centre). And perhaps they should tell you are driving down a one way in the wrong direction everyday for a few weeks. And mostly I am capable of reversing on my own. But I am quite happy to give the guys 5 bucks if it’s late at night or 10 if it’s really cold. Clearly I have a personal space iSSue (for u Durban) and the guys (and gals) at my centre get in it. It is not nice to walk into the bathroom and find the one female washing her hair in the basin and having a general “bath” What is equally annoying is they ask “can I check your car?” Check my car for what exactly? A puncture maybe?

Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX

Frankies....

Friday night, a few of view united headed off to Frankie Bananas. Delicious, Token, Doc, Masters and myself were there. It seems we have acquired a few groupies, as most successful and hot teams do. These included Durban, Ranger and two brand new additions that are yet to be named…

I arrive a little late. The huge scary bouncer asks me for ID and it takes every ounce of constraint I have not to leap up and kiss him.
We had found a nice table outside, where it wasn’t too packed, hot or full of hyenas (yes hyenas and they are MUCH worse than vultures). Of course the wooden floor made of planks was not very considerate of my stilettos as I repeatedly got stuck in the gaps. At one point I had to remove my shoes and get a rather strong looking male to pull them out the floor (next post shall be a diet diary). After a few drinks, luckily not enough to bring out Alex and a hang-over induced Loser Complex the next morning; we headed out to the “dance floor.” As we found our little possie we danced feeling slightly random but eventually the mojo was found. Token and Delicious left a little after we began dancing, leaving me with 3 couples. What fun I have to tell you. Nothing like being the 7th wheel. I stood in the centre of a circle of cafoofaling couples dancing a little, looking ridiculous, for 2 reasons. Obviously the couple thing and secondly most of the people there are tiny, I felt like a giant. So there I was drifting and dancing while looking at the top of many heads. I looked around only to notice that there were no impalas and no vultures. The dance floor was simply full of hyenas on heat. There were two girls about 5 feet tall, 19 years of age, grinding against each other in a way that would have made Madonna blush (back in the 80s). Doc had momentarily come up for air and saw this sight as well. The 2 of us could only laugh. The guys who were the recipients of this show found this amusing as well and noticed our laughter and the 4 us giggled at the half naked gyrating girls. I was suddenly aware that someone had made himself at home in my personal space, I spun around only to find that he had been peering over my shoulder looking down my top. Charming. I looked at him with the appropriate amount of disgust and he continued to leer at me. I moved away and stood waiting to get to the bar, only to be rubbed up against by another leering stranger. Now I could understand him having to squeeze past me if there was no room in the joint but there was a HUGE open space behind me. Why oh why do my friends insist on coming to meat markets such as this one?

I imagine the sale of my rump...
Hostess: Step right up and get yourself the deal of a lifetime. This juicy piece of matured beef is up for grabs. She has been marinated and tenderized by our esteemed barmen! She is a little shy so some coaxing is required.
Hmmmm not a very good sales pitch but one couldn’t really say, come near this semi-pickled 24-year old piece of rump and she will make earrings out of your balls? I am comforted by the knowledge that infact there are other hyenas around for the personal-space invading leering men. A man who reaches my waist comes up to me and asks what nationality I am. I mean really!?!?! I resist the urge to reply that I am Nigerian and tell him I am Norwegian, I mean cannot he not tell by my typical Scandinavian looks? (Long brown hair and hazel eyes) PLEASE!? He promptly tells me he is Greek and I promptly tell him I don’t care and if I did I would have asked. I realize at this point I am being somewhat bitchy so I giggle as if I just made the funniest joke, as does he. He sees this as an invitation into my personal space. I stop giggling and walk away.

So hyenas are worse than vultures. They run around, slobbering over everything and grabbing whatever there is available that they feel is part of their diet. As I sit here thinking of ways to make my personal space impermeable to vultures and hyenas I wonder why, just once, I cant meet a lion.

Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX