People always have a reason for their behaviour. If someone is rude to the shop teller everyone just thinks they are a bitch but one never knows what is going on in their lives at that moment. Maybe their mother is ill or they themselves are in immense pain, or they are in fact just an unpleasant son of a bitch with a special place in hell reserved just for them. Having been in an environment where I deal with people who are usually very ill and are not always so pleasant as a result, I like to think I try to be more aware of the fact that you just don’t know what is going on in a person’s life that makes them behave in a certain way. I also do deal with people who are not incredibly ill and I know that one day they will wish they had been just a little nicer and less selfish, this thought can sometimes bring me great joy as I can tend not to be the most forgiving of people.
But then there is another kind of person. The person I have come across very much lately, and I am going to describe them in a strange way so I hope you understand me, because right now the anger is too much to think that I could possibly be all too coherent. These people always have an excuse, not a reason, for their behaviour….
EG.
I was going through a very difficult time in my life so this is why I stole or abused children or those weaker than me. I just wasn’t myself.
I was abused as a child so that’s why I abused children. (One would think it would be the complete opposite, the fuckers)
I was very depressed and in such a dark black hole at the time, that’s why I stabbed my two 5 year old twin daughters 18 times each.
She was wearing a short skirt so I assumed she wouldn’t mind being groped at or pawed at. Girls like that like that attention.
Of course we both wanted to have sex. She was just so drunk she couldn’t say her name but she wanted it, she didn’t say no. She had been flirting with me all night.
There is a young sweet girl, I think I will just grab her all over and kiss her because I WANT to. Women like the attention, and she was nice to me, she wanted me to. It’s my right to do that.
She/He hurt me. This gives me the right to humiliate them, call them fat, ugly, slutty or even spread vicious rumors about them which are completely untrue. I’m the victim here.
Did you see how he/she was behaving? (In girls case, wearing) They were asking for it.
She seems like a rich spoilt bratty bitch, she deserves to be put in her place. I have every right to say what I wish to do this.
I didn’t like the fact that my girlfriends skirt was too short so I had every right to humiliate her in front of her friends by saying, loudly, in front of everyone that she was flashing everything she owned.
People never stop to think that maybe there is more going on behind closed doors. They don’t think that maybe someone is just friendly or doesn’t like to treat people like they don’t matter just because they don’t know them or are a certain type of person. People don’t think that maybe girls just like to wear short skirts because they feel they look nice in them and that is doesn’t mean they are a whore. Girls should be allowed to wear what they wish without being judged or pawed at.
People don’t realize that humiliating someone and treating a girl like she is cheap can destroy a person, and, in my view, is a form of abuse….
In future I would rather just be punched in the face, I would find it less traumatizing thank you. It is in fact, far less damaging. Just love it when men say I would never hit a woman. Well sweeties it is a hell of a lot better than groping at her when she does not want to be touched or calling her a dog, fat or a slut. Think about that. People have no excuse to say or do as they like to others.
There really is no such thing as entitlement in my opinion.
Most of the above examples speak for themselves. People, in general, are really revolting creatures.
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4 comments:
Hi Cuteness
What you wrote really struck a cord. From personal experiences, I don't discuss people and do my best not to judge. I've been on the receiving end of this and it's not great. I think we're all human and sometimes it does happen but I always try to think of the alternative and give people the benefit of the doubt.
As for guys assuming that short skirts or low-cut tops warrant a feel, this makes me increasingly angry. It comes down to respect and on what planet would an ass-grab lead to something more. I don't think women should permit this behaviour, but this is my opinion and I think in setting boundaries we can also develop respect for each other.
And there are no excuses for bad behaviour, yes you have to face your past to look towards your future, but not make excuses for it.
BB i too have been on the receiving end and i agree that there are few things worse. i think it is important to consider what is happening in the other person's life that could cause them to behave in such a way. it is however not an excuse, in reality there is no excuse for treating people badly because as the end of the day that is what defines us, i believe.
my main problem of late is the lack of honour in society and people being accountable for their actions and accepting the consequences, without excuses but maybe an understanding of what caused them to behave in such a way in the first place?
i was very angry when i wrote this post and so perhaps various points i was trying to make may have been lost in translation, maybe i didnt explain myself properly. i hope that i didnt offend you in any way.
Hi Cuteness, nope no offence [I'm actually quite difficult to offend - thick skinned I guess ;)]I'm actually in agreement with you.
Hmm you bring up alot of points here but I felt that it comes down to is giving people the benefit of the doubt and respect.
It can even change every day happenings, for example, I can (like most people) be very irritable in the traffic. Recently I've made myself give people a chance, like if someone cuts me off. Before I scream, I think "Well, maybe someone close to that person is very sick and s/he needs to get to where s/he is going faster than me." What they did is still wrong, but perhaps with understanding we can be okay.
I think understanding behaviour is important and perhaps the person should apologise and admit they are wrong and could try contextualising their actions.
Hmm it's such a delicate balance - case in point, someone very close to me is a drug addict. She's a very special person and was horribly abused as a child. As a result, she tried to escape the torments of her past with drugs. Her social using became addictive and she did some shitty things while under the influence. On coming clean, she had to look at her past to understand her actions but not use them as an excuse - bottom line, she picked up drugs by choice but it was not her choice to be an addict (I'm of the opinion that it is a disease). Bottom line, she had to take responsibility for her actions while under the influence and couldn't use her abuse as an excuse. But in the same vein, I get angry when people won't give her a chance - A.) they don't understand what led her to drugs and B.) she can change - if there's one thing I've learnt in my life, people can change. I can't make them change, but they can change.
Phew, think I've bent your ear for long enough now ;)
BB your friend's story reads exactly like that of someone very close to me. (clearly, i have a huge issue with abuse) She is lucky to have you and your understanding as it is also very difficult for you. i hope your friend manages to beat that that plagues her. it is a long difficult road but people like you make it easier and worth while.
please feel free to bend my ear anytime! ;)
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