Back to the Future.

I have very little relationship experience and always thought I was the girl who would never go back to the ex. I mean once its over, its over. Breaking up is hard to do, but staying that way is actually harder.

I broke up with my ex in December. It was a hugely messy breakup and there were times when I thought it would be the easiest thing to get back together, and then all that was going on would stop. Eventually he started seeing someone else and he eased up a bit which was fantastic, I was exhausted after 5 months trying to be fair and firm and not hurting anyone. And so the task began to repair our friendship. Not many people understand our relationship but he is a good friend and has always been a good friend. He knows who I am and what I am. He is someone who will always be my friend. In the last couple of months we have been getting on very well and I thought it would nice to see him, without a huge drama ensuing. So after 7 months I went off to see the ex.

Now nothing happened and we are not back together. But when I arrived home I was extremely sad. Even after all that time, in familiar surroundings, it was strange not to reach out and touch him or snuggle up to him while watching Borat. Or even give him the odd little surprise kiss. There was an uncomfortable comfort to the evening.

It would be so easy, there isn’t the getting to know you stage, the fear of revealing too much about yourself because of what is there. Slowly sharing the things you are afraid to because most people would run in the opposite direction upon finding out. Discovering that there is a reason you don’t like to talk about yourself, and that you are not trying to be mysterious. You don’t have to explain things from the beginning because he was there at the beginning. There is no need to build up that trust because it is there already. (Clearly starting up a relationship is a bit of a hassle for me, perhaps why I’m still single and don’t really get passed the 2nd date). All in all it is just easier and safer.
All that I have written above is why people get back together, for all the WRONG reasons. Some do it for the right reasons, obviously.

I realized how much I have missed his company and I think I was sad because I finally mourned the relationship. There was nothing going on, no chaos or drama when I arrived home, just silence. It was an interesting experience, something new and different for me. All of it. And none of this makes any sense!

Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX