From the time girls know the word marriage, they are planning theirs. We walk around with pillow cases on our heads, clutching a bunch of flowers and wearing a make-shift wedding dress. If we are very lucky our mothers keep their wedding dresses and so you are pretty close to the real thing. We know the correct speed and timing that we must walk down the isle to the famous wedding march. We all dream of our prince charming and know what colour tie he will be wearing and how his hair will be done. This is all before the age of 7.
When we hit our teens, this dream of perfect marriage is still there but no pillow cases are in sight. The dress, groom and colour scheme has (hopefully) changed but what hasn’t is the fact that we know exactly how things will be. We have a little more information on the wedding night and depending on the age, dream of being the virgin bride in some seductive little number. (This too changes with time). We do not wish for our wedding day but know it will be in the far future, when you are quite old (bout 24, I mean that ancient. Have to be married by then).
As we get closer to a fairly decent marriage age, we realize there is no such thing as a virgin bride and the seductive little number consists of less satin and more lace (or leather, depending what blows your hair back). Not only do we know what size our engagement ring will be, but we know the cut, setting and various styles that we like. In fact we have researched this. Stopping at jewelry ads and looking and deciding what you like, walking past the jewelry store and gazing at the large sparkly diamonds with wide excited eyes. We have discussed who our bridesmaids are and what type of style dress they will be wearing. Of course this has also been researched and discussed with the ladies concerned in great detail. We know which one will want a long dress because she doesn’t like her calves, which one wants a flowy skirt because her hips look big in tight things and we know if our hair is going to be in a simple up style or left down. We have a selection of songs which could be used as the ‘first dance’ song. Our colour scheme, dress and groom have once again changed. We have discussed with our proposed bridesmaids that we are to be dressed to kill, looking very sexy at our bachelorettes and NOT like that chick we saw on the weekend. At this stage 24 is far too bloody young to be getting married (it’s really not that old you know!) and the concept of marriage terrifies us hugely (but still the day is planned or being planned to perfection). In fact at this time in our lives we are more excited about the prospect of being a bridesmaid and all the perks that go along with that!!! We take bets as to who is going to be the first down the isle in that beautiful white dress (ahem).
And, before I forget, the honeymoon. Where it doesn’t matter if there lots of things to see and do, (as long as it’s a fairly exotic place) as we will be seeing and doing only ONE thing.
Funny how with all the wedding day preparation, we don’t seem to give much thought to the marriage itself and the fact that planning the wedding is just a scratch on the scratch of the surface of work to be done in order to have a successful life with the man you love. After all that’s the easy part right? As long as you look absolutely gorgeous on your day and it is in fact, the perfect wedding!
Remain infinitely cute
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11 comments:
Truth be told, a woman makes her mind up about a groom DURING the pre-wedding arrangements. Does he know what ring to get? Was his proposal simply out of this world? Can he organise a church and the priest and the perfect honeymoon venue? Without communication, how on earth is he supposed to get all that stuff "just right" when every woman has a different version of the 'perfect' event. Guys don't spare a thought for this important event until 5 weeks before they realise that they need to pop the question. So how is a guy supposed to pull it all off when a girl has spent 25 years planning it and he is desperately trying to keep up, drowning in a whirlpool of certain and merciless doom?
perhaps because reality is much better than u imagined...
Excellent post :) It pretty much concurs with other introspections on this subject that I've come across, so it would seem like a universal female thing (in "normal" societies). Here in Sweden people focus less on getting hitched, and much more on following a career, and on traveling and having fun together; when living together is involved, that's considered an incidental bonus. Many couples just live together without having experienced the joy of a wedding, the marriage vows, etc. (sarcasm intended.)
On the topic of couples vs singles, I heard that in Stockholm a vast percentage of the adult population is single (something like 60%+) ... Personally, I blame the "cat ladies" for this phenomenon: those 30somethings with huge career ambition, 2+ cats, and the ability to subdue the urge to have offspawn before menopause. Perhaps the singles scene in SA doesn't suck so much after all :P
thanks greendemon :)
hopefully i will never end up being a cat lady, i dont particularly like cats....
i imagine that the singles scene is not easy anywhere. altho i do enjoy being single, it is very
nice to curl up with someone at night....
Wow... wow. Great post
We do what now?!?! I just knew being raised only with many brothers caused certain things to go amiss in my growing up!
I can't say I have the first clue about any of these, or have thought about it EXCEPT that I will ensure the cake is chocolate & I have been told who I will be a bridesmaid to & occasionally also warned what they will expect me to wear. Godhelpme.
But yes, I have been awed and witness to many girls who have everything planned to the smallest detail, yet do not have the 1st clue who is to be the guy standing to their right.
Let me tell you something...
The guys make their mind up about the ladies during the pre-wedding arrangements too!
Does the stress make her fat? Does she get zitty? Does it affect sexual performance? etc etc.
By the way, guys have wedding dreams too... I'm gonna have 500 people there with a bottle of Johnny Black on each table. Shit it's gonna be a big big night! And you wake up married - how's that for an LC!!!
Heya, very interesting post. I've always marvelled at girls who have their entire wedding days planned. I have never giving this one thought, in fact I've never even been certain I'll get married. Oh and I grew up with three sisters and a gay brother so you'd think I'd be prancing down our long passage at any given time.
I tend to agree that so much thought goes into planning this wedding day and little thought is given to the fact that a marriage is alot of hard work, plus, like LW said, there's so much pressure to live up to this 25-year-long fantasy that it can end up being an anti-climax and is probably why some brides get the post-wedding blues.
I still don't know if I'll get married. I love the sanctity of marriage, I really think it is something so beautiful and I hope I do get to experience it one day. I look to my parents who have been married for 39 years (and dated for 5 years prior to that) and while I know it's been hard work, they are still SO in love. They steal glances from each other across the room. My father watches my mother leave a room and although it makes us gag, they cop a feel or kiss when they think no one is watching. That's what I want - as for the actual day, fuck I wouldn't have the first clue what to wear, whether to have bridesmaids or if I'd get married in a church.
Case studies: my oldest sister lived with her husband two weeks into their relationship. They lived together for 8 years, travelled the world together and then decided to get married in a very unconventional - outside and barefoot - ceremony.
My second oldest sister, dated a guy for 5 years. Of course she didn't live in sin. Had the fairy tale wedding day and was divorced six months later - turns out her husband was a asshole!
thank you phlips *mwah*
Champers im sure you will be in good hands when it comes to planning time.... while i dont have every detail worked out, i have a rough idea, altho this changes regularly. and of course the groom's input needs to be added! um once i find him.
Sharny, a bottle of Johnny Black on the table - wouldnt expect anything less. and i do believe the final realisation that all that planning and stress is over, will just make for a better honeymoon
Benny my parents have been married for a similar length and their marriage is also great. may want to gag but its still great to see, gives us hope!
ah man...love the post! And everything you said is so true. It's scary actually! How much planning goes into it. Shit, it's so stressful too!
thanks kab :)
it is rather scary that its true but at least i have a way to go b4 all the real planning starts
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