Tuesday, February 6

Circling Vultures.

It is 4am after a very long Friday night at the Hat. My feet are sore, ears ringing, a little tipsy and my really divine bed is calling my name (it’s a do not turn mattress and it hugs you when you lie in it). BUT I’m still having a whale of a time dancing around the nearly empty dance floor. Loving the space and the fan blowing in my face and hair cooling me down because it s positively boiling in this place and I have been dancing for 4 hours. Suddenly Sweet Pea rushes up to me, grabs my arm and pulls me closer to the group. She looks at me and tells me it is not a good idea to be wondering around on my own at this time in the morning. I glance around to see if I had somehow teleported to Hillbrow. No thank goodness but the scene before me is all too familiar….

A small heard of innocent and meek (k maybe not that meek or innocent) impala are having fun and playing in the centre. They are giggling and dancing, glowing a little from sweat. Around the herd are a few vultures, circling, eyeing out the prey. Occasionally one or two move in closer to get a better look, trying to get a peck at the impala. This proves unsuccessful and so the vulture moves away, back to the outer ring, circling once again waiting for a second opportunity. A metre away, slightly elevated, are more vultures. These ones are sitting, leaning on the counter staring at the frolicking impala, stalking them. Both sets of vultures drooling and eager to get a taste of the sweet impala…

The vultures, the late, drunken male party-goers, on the prowl, looking to score. The impala, the groups of girls dancing and enjoying the last few minutes of their Friday razzle. Unfortunately Sweet Pea was right, it is not safe to venture off from the herd. Stay close, safety in numbers (and also Whiteboy is there and one would think he provides some protection to his gf’s mates). The vultures that circle us now waiting to get in on the kill as most of the lions have left or are sorted for the evening. Now calling them vultures is in no way a reference to their appearance, its all about beaviour.

One has to wonder if these guys, who I’m sure are pretty decent humans before 2am, think they are actually going to come right at this late stage? Do they think that the girls on the dance floor enjoy the leering and groping? Perhaps if the girls are after the same thing but otherwise it is quite insulting. I am not there at that time because I am wanting to be the final scraps, some guy’s last chance to get some near the end of a clearly unsuccessful night. I am there because I am enjoying dancing with my mates. Do they think that a woman immediately becomes easy after 3 am? Quite honestly I could think of nothing worse than some physical contact with a STRANGE member of the opposite sex at that time of the morning. (It’s at this stage I do wish that Token wasn’t in fact a token but part of a larger group of male members.) And persistence seems to be the name of the game, if she says no now, give her 5 minutes, I might look better then, she can drink me appealing. Quite frankly I'm not about to rush around lowering my standards simply because the options are less! I really do not place that much emphasis on the importance of kissing some random as a way of validating my level of attractiveness to the opposite sex. Specially when, at this stage, the only thing the male can really tell is that you don’t have a penis!

This brings me to another thought. Why do people place such importance on the notches in their belt? Why do they base their self-esteem on such a ridiculous notion? “I kissed someone so then I must have looked good.” Some of the most beautiful girls I know are single and are, in fact, not picked up as often as their less attractive counterparts. I think this is an intimidation factor, a “she is out of my league” kind of vibe. Which I totally understand! I’m not about to hit on someone who is clearly out of my league. So from here on out the philosophy is “if I don’t get hit on then damn I must be HOT!!!” Works for me.

PLEASE NOTE
No impala were hurt in the writing of this post; unfortunately the same cannot be said for the vultures.

Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX

12 comments:

Jam said...

lol cuteness - I reckon sometimes it's better to just get out of there before the vultures have a chance to start circling - while the party is still a party.

Her Infinite Cuteness said...

too true msmozi, think we would have learnt by now! i spose it is a good way to practice those defensive tactics.

double R said...

Sigh I find this sexist and demeaning...

Just kidding... I vote each to their own, I am not a vulture yet I do find that I tend to meet better woman the later I stay...

Phlippy said...

I have only ever picked up a girl in a club once, and that was with much trepidation. Not a fan

Her Infinite Cuteness said...

me neither phlippy...

RR the jury is out on whether or not u a vulture but i think things will swing in your favour

Anonymous said...

I picked a girl up in a club late once... I dropped her on her head two seconds later

SaM-GiRL said...

I read my bf's fhm every now and then, and in one issue I read that guys think the girls that stay at a club or bar after 3 are the ones that are looking for a guy to go home with, which is bullshit if you ask me! and it even had a list of "pick up lines" that the guys could use for these girls, one of the more hilarious ones being "does this cloth smell of chloroform to you" teehee.... the kind of girl that falls for that....tsk tsk tsk.

Her Infinite Cuteness said...

Whitey - bwahahahahahahahahahahaha

Sam-girl - men still have lots to learn...

Phlippy said...

@ Sam - I'm sorry, but with all respect, FHM is a crap magazine, I haven't read one in a year and a half now. Not loving that mag. GQ - slightly classier

Phlippy said...

@ Whitey - we know why you dropped her though

Her Infinite Cuteness said...

Dont think people should place too much weight in what the mags say...

Its quite difficult to successfully hold a drunk, most likely wiggling, tall girl.

lordwiggly said...

Aaaah, he who is successful, they pronounce Lord Wiggly ;o) heehee