East is East...

People have lots to say about THE EAST (being the east of JHB). As View united are born and bred in the east, we find ourselves defending the east on many occasions. Now the members of View united (and others obviously) have much to say about Boksburg, the Far East really. (Before I continue I have a confession to make. I grew up in the Burg – hence the mocking from View united and the lucky few who are privy to this information).

Now I moved out of the Burg at the tender age of 10, so I have in fact spent most of my life in the View, most people do not care though. I lived in Sunward Park, went to the all-girls Catholic school and contended with the nuns there for many years. Our neighbors were a special lot. They did not have missing teeth or combs in their socks but they came out with guns when we played tok-tokkie and enjoyed Eugene Tereblanch’s manifesto on more the than one occasion. Living in fairly predominant AWB territory provided much interesting happenings, but that is for another post.

Now the reason I have given this little backdrop is because when I moved to Bedfordview, I came across some very interesting neighbors and so the next time people mock the Burg or in fact the East, just remember this post and that no area is free of smut.

Kelly road could not really be called a road. It looked like someone had stood at the top of a hill and poured tar down to create a “road’. On the left side of the road was a large unkept piece of land that become a quasi-forest. This forest invited many visitors, like cat-sized rats. (This is not an exaggeration. If you think you have seen cat-sized rats, you haven’t ok.). This piece of land was owned by an old couple who lived in a derelict house opposite ours. There was another neighbor who we never saw or heard from. The house next to Silent Bob was occupied by a man whose wife had left him and flown off to Europe. He spent most of his life looking for her because at the time of her disappearance she didn’t know who she was. (These aren’t even the interesting neighbors). In the middle of all this was our house. An oasis. It was a huge mod-style home with a large driveway, 2 granny flats, a single story house with 5 bedrooms, a huge front garden and divine patio. There was nothing small or derelict about our house; it looked like it belonged there like an SLK outside a tin shack. It was past our house that things got very interesting.

The house next door to ours was abandoned, expect for about 20 squatters who lived there. On the left hand side, next to the elderly couple, was a house that was well hidden. This house was the local shebeen, and was exceptionally busy but not as busy as the house a little further up the road. This house was visited by the wealthy men of the View on regular occasions. Yes, the Whore House on the Hill attracted those men who behaved as though they defined the word class. The ladies were often outside sunning themselves by the pool, wearing their lingerie and sheer gowns so people driving up to the house could get a good look at the merchandise.

Yes this was Kelly road, in the middle of Bedforview, in the East, where there is a fair influence of the north and people enjoy a good venture to because essentially it’s not really the East…

Remain Infinitely Cute
Xxx

The difference between cats and dogs.

Why I like being a woman.

1. We have an excuse for driving badly.
2. We can talk our way out of almost any form of trouble.
3. We get to wear stilettos.
4. We don’t have to take our shirts off to have our chests admired.
5. When we wakeup we can still improve what we see in the mirror with makeup and not just hair gel.
6. We don’t go bald.
7. We can shave under our arms without being ridiculed.
8. We don’t show that we are attracted to someone just by standing sideways.
9. Women’s beauty has launched a thousand ships, what has men’s looks done?
10. We are the first off sinking ships.
11. We can wear skirts in extremely hot clubs.
12. We get jewelry as a present.
13. We get a diamond ring when we are to get married.
14. We can kiss our friends and it is seen as a turn.
15. Our mornings are glorious for different reasons.
16. We can get away with acting dumb.
17. We can wear lots and lots of pink, not just have one shirt that some will still mock us for wearing.
18. Our formal wear varies hugely.
19. We can get away with being bad at pool.
20. We pull off long hair better.
21. We don’t sweat, we glow.
22. If our arms are skinny and underdeveloped it is not the end of the world.
23. Our underwear is pretty.
24. So are our sacred areas.
25. We can put all our shit in handbags.
26. Entrance fee is cheaper.
27. It is easier to get free drinks.
28. The world doesn’t end when we are sick.
29. We don't have to take off our pants to show we are cold. And the indication is quite sexy.
    
    To mention a few.
    

Why I don't like being a woman...

1. Handbags
2. Standing while peeing can be extremely advantageous.
3. There are always queues at bathrooms.
4. Man gave us a rib and we pay them back in monthly installments.
   
   Remain Infinitely Cute
   XXX

Breakfast with the Girls.....

Tit decided last week that us girls had not seen each other in too long and she decided to organise a breakfast at her place for a couple of us. My first initial thought was "Say no, going for meals where Cuteness and Tit all wind up being BAD NEWS" but obviously I say yes straight away!

So I arrive at Tit's place half an hour late, my bad, to a flat full of hung over ladies. Now I can definitely not say that I wasn't feeling hung over from a dinner and the maneater the night before and besides that I was also supposed to bring 2 bottles of champers but couldn't stomach the thought of 2 at the shop on my way. Anyway, there is Doc, Delicious, Cuteness, Tit and another 3 ladies there. I must just mention at this point that Durban and Von Dutch were evicted from the flat, so thanks guys!

I enter the door to Doc standing behind the stove making "scones" with a very pale skin tone, Tit doing something behind her (same pale skin tone), Delicious having a ciggie outside (not as pale skin tone) and Cuteness in all her glory on the couch (VERY pale skin tone!!!). The other 3 ladies looked perfect and I knew straight away that I was not alone in the hung over department, albeit that mine was pretty minor.

Tit says that we are all being pathetic and its time for the champers, so the first bottle is opened, time being 11:30 ish. Doc and I battle with 3 bottles and out of NO where, left field (well the couch), Cuteness comes out on the balcony (not looking very well) and opens the bottles no problem at all! So the champers is now flowing like the Orange River in full flood and the girls start to chat about the night before! Now I was only at the maneater for about 2 hours and the girls only arrived about an hour after me so when I left they were all still fine!!

The proceedings take place between the hours of 02:30 and 04:45:

• Cuteness in true Cuteness form manages to spend a good portion of that time in the ladies, don't worry Cuteness will stop there. Well drunk my girl, those Millers did not know what hit them!!!
• Doc manages to try and explain what "Love Me" at the end of an sms from a girl means to a random named Chris, don't think he got it though, mind you I didn't really understand the explination either
• Delicious did what Delicious does best...DANCE and run back and forth to check on Cuteness
• Durban was around, not too sure what he was up to
• Tit didn't make it out as she had a "work" lunch, dinner at her mom and drinks at Frankies

Anyway so all these details were discussed over a fantastic breakfast with "scones" that tasted like little bread rolls and a whole LOT of champers, mainly drunk by Tit and myself (something new and unusual). One thing that I must add is that us girls really do know how to laugh!!

This breakfast turned into afternoon drinks and then dinner and more drinks. Total time spent at Tit's house - almost 12 hours!!! One road trip was included during the day and I officially can't listen to Just Jack - Stars in Their Eyes anymore because of it!

Thank you Tit for hosting such an awesome day, we definitely need to make these Girl's "breakfasts" a much more regular thing. But always always make sure that it is after a bender of an evening out in town!

For friendship purposes many of the evenings details were left out. I would hate to dig a big hole I cannot get out of!

Love you too much all my girls!

Have a PMS/CBS free day now

Sweet Pea

P.S. Rodger the dodger is still alive and happily swimming around in his little glass home!

Here comes the bride...

From the time girls know the word marriage, they are planning theirs. We walk around with pillow cases on our heads, clutching a bunch of flowers and wearing a make-shift wedding dress. If we are very lucky our mothers keep their wedding dresses and so you are pretty close to the real thing. We know the correct speed and timing that we must walk down the isle to the famous wedding march. We all dream of our prince charming and know what colour tie he will be wearing and how his hair will be done. This is all before the age of 7.

When we hit our teens, this dream of perfect marriage is still there but no pillow cases are in sight. The dress, groom and colour scheme has (hopefully) changed but what hasn’t is the fact that we know exactly how things will be. We have a little more information on the wedding night and depending on the age, dream of being the virgin bride in some seductive little number. (This too changes with time). We do not wish for our wedding day but know it will be in the far future, when you are quite old (bout 24, I mean that ancient. Have to be married by then).

As we get closer to a fairly decent marriage age, we realize there is no such thing as a virgin bride and the seductive little number consists of less satin and more lace (or leather, depending what blows your hair back). Not only do we know what size our engagement ring will be, but we know the cut, setting and various styles that we like. In fact we have researched this. Stopping at jewelry ads and looking and deciding what you like, walking past the jewelry store and gazing at the large sparkly diamonds with wide excited eyes. We have discussed who our bridesmaids are and what type of style dress they will be wearing. Of course this has also been researched and discussed with the ladies concerned in great detail. We know which one will want a long dress because she doesn’t like her calves, which one wants a flowy skirt because her hips look big in tight things and we know if our hair is going to be in a simple up style or left down. We have a selection of songs which could be used as the ‘first dance’ song. Our colour scheme, dress and groom have once again changed. We have discussed with our proposed bridesmaids that we are to be dressed to kill, looking very sexy at our bachelorettes and NOT like that chick we saw on the weekend. At this stage 24 is far too bloody young to be getting married (it’s really not that old you know!) and the concept of marriage terrifies us hugely (but still the day is planned or being planned to perfection). In fact at this time in our lives we are more excited about the prospect of being a bridesmaid and all the perks that go along with that!!! We take bets as to who is going to be the first down the isle in that beautiful white dress (ahem).

And, before I forget, the honeymoon. Where it doesn’t matter if there lots of things to see and do, (as long as it’s a fairly exotic place) as we will be seeing and doing only ONE thing.

Funny how with all the wedding day preparation, we don’t seem to give much thought to the marriage itself and the fact that planning the wedding is just a scratch on the scratch of the surface of work to be done in order to have a successful life with the man you love. After all that’s the easy part right? As long as you look absolutely gorgeous on your day and it is in fact, the perfect wedding!

Remain infinitely cute