Dear…..

Cricket Commentators

I realize this letter comes at rather a late stage but I was plummeted into darkness for a few days. Don’t worry, Alec Erwin is receiving his letter soon.

I have a simple question, do you realize how incredibly stupid and irritating you are. I realize that it isn’t the easiest task but as people you have mostly played the game, you would think you would have a few more intelligent things to share with the viewing public. As a female who has watched cricket for many years I have a few pointers that I feel could work to your benefit!

1. We do not care that you scored your first first-class century against Abubu in 1910, if we did, we would watch THAT game.
2. If you say the ball was just to the left of the wicket, it goes without saying that it if was slightly more to the left it would have hit the wickets. I mean, if the wickets were the size of trees they would be easier to hit. While this may seem unrelated, both comments are equally stupid.
3. By saying that Graeme Smith needs a wicket to stay in the game and ensure victory, this is again stating the obvious. Do you think the viewers for one second that the viewers think he needs a try and a conversion to win?
4. Saying things like Kallis’s bowling was affected by a back injury and Mahindra bowls from the side because he learnt to play cricket on the beach and this is how the ball bounces on water are of more value than your Abubu century.
5. When the cricketers swear and throw things out at each other, we WANT to know what they say so tell us. Saying Andre Nel couldn’t resist saying something to Pieterson is NOT sufficient, we want to know what!?
6. Explaining the reasons for various field placements is also acceptable.
   

I have just touched the surface here but will continue to find ways for you to improve your skills, you really do not want to be the has-beens who can only find an intelligent thought by looking in between their toes.
I shall be in touch soon,

Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX