Phew

This week I managed to stumble across a convicted attempted murderer, witness a swat team episode and a parking lot gun brawl! I chatted to the President and Vice President of Toyota (the Japanese guys) over sake (the drink) about my latest car idea and had a rather pleasant date… I received a note form Alex, damn that girl has fun but is a hazard of tornado proportions.

So my mother and I were standing outside a magistrate’s courthouse and suddenly 5 vans pull up with dark tinted windows. They stop and about 7 bullet-proofed AK47-holding police men jump out of each car, and take up various positions around the parking lot. I look at my mother and mumble something along the lines that if there is a shoot-out at least they protected by the vests and helmet things with the eye protection glass stuff. They stand on guard, guns at the ready. It took all my self-control not to go up to the one 6 foot 7 giant and ask him what was potting. Luckily some common sense prevailed and I realized it isn’t the best idea to surprise a man with a cocked (if that is the term) AK47 in one hand and the other on his hand gun in its holster. They look around, all alert and as a huge bullet-proof van comes through they all walk to various other places, still looking hugely serious and intimidating. My mind quickly goes through all the people I would like them to intimidate for me. I realize the list is far too long for someone as young, sweet and infinitely cute as myself…
Inside a HUGE man, in his bright orange jumper and feet and hand shackle awkwardly hops along as the feet chains only allow him a few centimeters of walking freedom. His hair was longish and rather manky looking blonde mousy colour and I have a little panic as I imagine the various diseases and lice that live in there and I desperately look for something to cover my head with in attempt to avoid catching his various hair-tenants. I did however want to run up to him and quiz him on what he was in for! Later it turned out it was attempted murder and he was here to appeal his conviction. Now my curiosity was peaked even further, I wanted to know who, how and why he had tried to kill this person. (If I had been his attempted victim, I would have just rolled over and died without him having to try very hard). I am a bit macabre clearly, never found out anymore about him but I think I entertained the lawyers with my curiosity.

On Wednesday evening it was my father’s work farewell and various interesting people had come in to bid farewell to my pops. Much to his amusement and various other businessmen I spoke to the top Toyota guys about what I believed should be their next car project. Damn that Sake. I have no idea how the Japanese drink more than one sip and still maintain their dignity, nevermind the amounts that were consumed infront of me. I “knowledgeably” informed them of the various aspects of the car project and how easy it would be to manufacture in less than 18 months. Despite this, I did learn some interesting things bout my dad and beamed with pride as I walked around after the various speeches.

Friday was doc’s birthday and so we all headed off to Tit’s (and now Durban’s) flat for pre-drinks and then off to Man-eater. I made the pre-drinks but Alex enjoyed the rest of the evening. Masters, Token, Durban, Delicious (later Candy), Doc and Master’s boyfriend and various friends were there. After a little gush about my dad, Alex learnt a valuable lesson, which she conveyed to me in her letter. During a discussion about having children, Alex announced that she would have a surrogate, I mean (and I quote) “why ruin this body?” Now saying such a thing is fine when the people around you are used to your sense of humour, but not when they don’t really know you at all. So much embarrassment ensued after. At least I didn’t whip out such lines in front the big wigs at Toyota. SIGH…… We headed off to the Man-eater. As we walked up to the door, Token and another mate, will call him CockRoach, decided to see what was under my and Doc’s skirt, more than once. As we approached the door (and by we I mean everyone else and Alex) a good tune was playing so Durban and Alex danced their way to the door. Now you know you have made an impression when the bouncer says to Durban how wasted he looks. Alex then took this as her moment to tell Wentworth Miller bouncer to have a nice evening AFTER asking him if he was going to search her!!!! I think Alex scared him. Now that’s bad, being able to scare a bouncer…
Inside we partied, Lola (Tit’s twin) Candy (Delicious’s twin) and Alex. Doc and Durban had a private party. Masters partied with her boy (I shall name him Ranger). Alex sexually harassed some soccer player but quickly got over him when she saw him drinking bottled water. Candy and Alex had many many many many many jaggerbombs in an attempt to get to know the 2 cute barmen better. (Mmmm) CockRoach tried to pick up Alex and Candy together and Alex, wearing a skirt, flashed quite a bit. This was not the only time Alex landed on the floor. Clearly all the bombs had helped because her cute barmen came to her rescue and picked her up off the floor. (Sigh) She then found it necessary to discuss the intricacies with the bouncer (not Wentworth) about the heat involved with having to wear a suit all night.
In and amongst all this Lola and Alex had a moment, Alex ran into an old acquaintance and proceeded to float around on a cloud after said run in. (still am) and Candy was also floating around after a similar run in. Candy and Alex were not impressed when they were literally dragged out of Man-eater as they were just moving in on the barmen who had bankrupted them earlier!!! Unable to walk to the car, they waited for it to come to them while being harassed by 2 divorced men with a few too many children over the age of 14. Finally getting into bed when its light after sending a rather uncharacteristic text, Alex curled up next to Candy and they both floated to sleep.

The next morning, Token and Alex left Tit’s place at about 8, both still drunk and drove home with the windows open and “its all coming back to me now” playing ever so loudly and the 2 of them singing so that everyone on the highway could hear them! Give me an H…… H Give me an AZARD…… AZARD what have you got? HAZARD!!!

Damn what a week, I need to sleep after writing this!

Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX