The book's cover...

Its amazing how one look from a person can completely rattle you. It doesn't matter if you are feeling confident, indifferent or a bit insecure about your outfit, one up and down look from someone can make you feel utterly self-conscious and insecure....

Today I was wearing a short blue skirt, granted it is a little on the short side, but I was having some lazer and I figured a skirt was the most practical item to be wearing for various reasons. I walked into the pharmacy and greated everyone. One of the ladies that work there looked me up and down and the expression on her face made me feel like I should say something like "coffee, tea or me." Needless to say I slinked out the pharmacy as quickly as possible and rushed to the car as fast as my heels would allow. Did I really look that bad? As I drove to my appointment my mind went back to a night at Manhattan. As we had all walked in, everyone, and I mean everyone, turned and stared. Now when people say everyone looked they are usually exaggerating but this is in no way an exaggerating, EVERYONE turned and stared. I turned to my mates and one said to me "is there something wrong with us?" From that reaction, I would say one of us would have had to have a second head and a tail. For the rest of the evening I was completely self-conscious. Now the fact that it was the first time I had worn a skirt to a club EVER, in my whole 24 years of existence, didn't help. (Those who know me well and for any lengthy period know I don't do skirts and have only recently started branching out.) Good god, was it that bad!!!???!!! The insecurity followed me around all night, but I found my mojo, eventually, at 3 in the morning. We left at 4.

What amazes me is that this reaction was caused simply by a look. Now sitting here I can rationalise a little bit. Firstly I shouldn't have cared what people thought about my skirt, it has been pretty damn hot, specially in the Maneater, and skirts are cooler. Secondly people are so full of their own insecurities that they don't really take much notice of you. (Same applies to the beach, hate walking across to the sea, like everyone is staring and gasping at the size of your paunch, when actually they are sitting there worrying about their own bodies. If not, then they are in fact aghast at the one poor sole who actually wore a g-string to the beach). Jessica Alba, possibly one of the most beautiful woman around and with the most unbelievable body said she had insecurities about her body to overcome while spending so much time in bikini on a movie set.
What amazes me further is that the lady [of the look] had then commented to my sister, once I had left which lead to this babbling and afternoon insecurity session and thinking that she was a bit of a CB, that I was looking quite nice lately. *Retraction of all evil thoughts* In fact I had been unfair, assuming that she would automatically be mean.

What is stranger to me is that I am someone who believes that one of the few things we have in this world is how we treat people. People who, upon first look, were pretty darn cute, until I saw how they treated others. Its amazing how quickly their appeal vanished and were suddenly incredibly average, even unattractive, all around. This works both ways naturally. With certain people, the more I have gotten to know them, the more beautiful they have become.... The shallow Hal principle essentially. So even if you don't have the best legs or figure or face, know that if you treat others well, you are far more beautiful than the buxom blonde that looks you up and down and makes you feel insecure in your little blue skirt. (And during my reign as Miss South Africa I will continually strive for world peace).

Remain Infinitely cute...
XXX