Be a Player, play the game...

Ok so a few nights ago, one of Sweet Pea’s mates said to her, I’m a player, I’m not the coach. I play the game. I’m the guy that when the coach says take these pills, I take the pills. I’m just a player. Of course this lead to huge hysterics and much sport analogy the next day.
Welcome to team View United.

The Players

Firstly meet the coach. SWEET PEA. She does not participate in the game but watches from the sidelines and organizes our various games (hence the conversation with aforementioned friend). She does, however participate in friendlys. She gives the players advice on various plays and information on other teams that we may encounter. If there is any controversy, she often deals with this too. As the coach, the behaviour of her players falls on her shoulders. This is unfortunate but this is how things work, I’m afraid. She is particularly good as team coach, assisting in injury recovery and is good at damage control. She is there to build up broken spirits of players who perhaps have had a bad game or in more severe cases, a bad season. She listens to uniform suggestions with an open mind and often lets her players have full control over this area of the game although does give advice on the subject as to what is more ergonomical for game play.

Our manager, Masters, has been away for many years and has recently returned. She made brief appearances throughout the years. She, too, does not play the game and participates only in friendlys. She looks after us players, ensuring that there is no disruptive and illegal play from other teams. Her role is protective.

DOC, recently out of retirement, has made one hell of a comeback!!!! This year so far she has been awarded MPP (Most popular player). In her first few games back she scored some unbelievable goals and has wowed the crowds with her impressive skills. Her game tactics vary, making her a challenging player to mark. Her weaknesses include:
1. If opposing team players are persistent enough she eventually lets her
Defensive play down and the other team is able to score pretty easily.
2. She is not always fully aware of her surroundings and the other team are able to make a surprise goal.
3. Catholic boys from the East

Her strengths include:
1. She looks good in any uniform!
2. When she is on top form, she is a pretty untouchable player. Few players from other teams have been able to catch this player and keep up…

TIT is still nursing a strained muscle but should be returning from injury shortly. Unfortunately only time will tell as to what this player’s strengths and weaknesses are, but she does have an impeccable record and high levels of popularity. Her uniform choices are always superb and generally her game play is smooth and impressive. She has a huge fan base…. A true professional!

DELICIOUS is perhaps the highest scoring player in our league. She is without a doubt the teams best player and most successful thus far. Her game play is phenomenal and flawless!!! The team is in perpetual awe of her skills and abilities as a player. No one as managed to catch this player!

TOKEN is the only male player on the team. He has been warming the bench of late. He is the player that is sent out in the last 5minutes of the game, when members of our team are slacking a bit and manages to score an own goal. Although not good for team moral and overall premiership points, this can help an unscoring female player feel a little less useless. (Not by much though). His signature move, when he was actually performing, became known as The Lunge. This essentially involves ignoring all defensive play, players and the goal keeper, throwing caution to the wind and instead of kicking the ball into the net, actually throwing his entire body AT the net. This method proved effective for a limited period, hence the current bench-warming…

At this point I am warming the bench. It seems I got my games confused at started off playing cricket. Although the 6 is still pending final decision from 3rd Umpire. (Sweet
Pea will provide explanation as players don’t explain themselves – love ya coach)

The Game

1. Each period of the game shouldn’t last longer that half an hour without a goal or near goal. No sense in trying to get a goal through a BRICK WALL.
a. How to spot a brick wall.
i. They are attached to a buxom blonde who is less than impressed with your blue skirt.
ii. When you attempt to swop shirts for sentimental reasons and you are left holding your shirt while he is talking about his twenty year plan.
iii. His game hair is better than yours and he calls you girlfriend when commenting on your game skills.

2. It is ok to swear at others players and even throw things at them if they annoy you. It is also ok not to be receptive when being kicked a ball you don’t want from other teams.

3. It is NOT ok for the other team to play badly.

4. It is ok to run away from other players from another team.

5. There is I in the word team. No need to pass the ball if you do not have a direct shot at the goal, keep playing until you reach brick wall stage or score a goal.

Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX