When it comes to New Year, I am a bit of a killjoy. I hardly see the point of celebrating the changing of the year, it has about as much meaning as a new month arriving. No one celebrates a happy new month do they? People spend weeks planning and worrying what they are going to do for their new year, will they be dateless on the night, dooming themselves to a year of complete singledom. If by the 10th of December their plans are not set there is huge panic and huge relief once their plans are set. People believe that the way they spend their new year is how they will spend their year. A lot of people have great New Year’s bashes and a really awful year. Others are in bed by 10, wake up in the New Year and life is just dandy.
The general belief is that the year will be better because there is a different number after 2 zeros? Surely if this were the case people would have gotten it right years ago. One never hears someone saying, “Gee I hope 2008 is just like 2007.”? Honestly what is a number going to change? I suppose people see the New Year is a fresh start, a new beginning, a type of tabula rasa. While that is all very romantic and optimistic, it is a very naïve and juvenile way to think. Firstly own personal demons do not expire at the end of the year, neither do your past actions. The truth is people do not forgive and do not forget. One could always move to another country, and re-invent yourself but those personal demons don’t really play the game. And so it is true that only babies have the true tabula rasa, the only clean slate. One’s slate will never be clean past those few precious years of knowing nothing, remembering nothing and not being aware of consequences.
As for resolutions, I am making one resolution this year. Not to make any resolutions. People put huge amounts of pressure on themselves by saying I’m going to do something for 365 days. My god, talk about climbing out the Grand Canyon people! That kind of attitude is doomed to fail. Nothing like setting yourself up to fail to get off on the wrong foot. Try climbing out the swimming pool first.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Monday, January 14
Friday, November 16
Nothing to Write, few things to say
On the phone to Durban yesterday, we both decided that we would both be extremely happy to see the end of 2007. Good god what a year. Please don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out. And that's not including the lovely family saga that has plagued me for the past 5 years. When next I count to this area of the 2000s I will simply go 2005, 2006, 2008, 2009. I think I will celebrate my 25Th again next year and change my birth year to 1983. I'm sure this is possible, in fact home affairs has probably already done it for me, Ill let you know when I get my passport.
Although I learnt a lot about people, none of it remotely positive, I learnt very little about myself.
I did rediscover 2 very special individuals who carried me an awful lot this year, I think I should buy them a massage, I'm a rather big girl and rather bigger than them. (look what carrying the entire English rugby team did to Johnny Wilkinson's back). Its amazing how, even after 11 years people can still surprise you, in good and bad ways. I believe I found a good friend and a bit of a kindred spirit in a former sea-goer. Someone I knew really only socially, showed me what a tRRuly special, unique friend and person he really is. And when things can get really bad, people do come together, even those you least expect.
I did decide that I was going to call people out on everything and be totally straight, I will not accept any form of abuse from ANYONE and people will know exactly how I feel about things.
While this all sounds positive and rather good (it did happen in the second half of 2006 after all) it all arose from hugely unpleasant circumstances.
I wish I hadn't learnt that people are full of excuses. Excuses that they think allows them to do and treat people as they wish. They believe excuses are reasons. Are reasons not just excuses really? People are happy to suffer from victim syndrome or are the worlds biggest martyr. I learnt that people do not know how to accept responsibility or see themselves as part of the problem. I wish I hadn't learnt that people don't know or actually don't care when someone else is in trouble because they are not themselves and it would take too much effort to help them out. learnt that people only hear because it doesn't suit them to listen to what you actually saying.
But most of all I wish I hadn't learnt that when things are really bad and you are looking for people to restore your faith in humanity and all they do is reinforce that which you wish you didn't know already. And no matter how cynical one is, strangers and people you know always manage to disappoint you.
And with all this negative and seriousness, trust my parents to add some light to it all...
You know something is seriously wrong with the universe when you mother has to come watch South Park with you cause your father is watching Oprah.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Although I learnt a lot about people, none of it remotely positive, I learnt very little about myself.
I did rediscover 2 very special individuals who carried me an awful lot this year, I think I should buy them a massage, I'm a rather big girl and rather bigger than them. (look what carrying the entire English rugby team did to Johnny Wilkinson's back). Its amazing how, even after 11 years people can still surprise you, in good and bad ways. I believe I found a good friend and a bit of a kindred spirit in a former sea-goer. Someone I knew really only socially, showed me what a tRRuly special, unique friend and person he really is. And when things can get really bad, people do come together, even those you least expect.
I did decide that I was going to call people out on everything and be totally straight, I will not accept any form of abuse from ANYONE and people will know exactly how I feel about things.
While this all sounds positive and rather good (it did happen in the second half of 2006 after all) it all arose from hugely unpleasant circumstances.
I wish I hadn't learnt that people are full of excuses. Excuses that they think allows them to do and treat people as they wish. They believe excuses are reasons. Are reasons not just excuses really? People are happy to suffer from victim syndrome or are the worlds biggest martyr. I learnt that people do not know how to accept responsibility or see themselves as part of the problem. I wish I hadn't learnt that people don't know or actually don't care when someone else is in trouble because they are not themselves and it would take too much effort to help them out. learnt that people only hear because it doesn't suit them to listen to what you actually saying.
But most of all I wish I hadn't learnt that when things are really bad and you are looking for people to restore your faith in humanity and all they do is reinforce that which you wish you didn't know already. And no matter how cynical one is, strangers and people you know always manage to disappoint you.
And with all this negative and seriousness, trust my parents to add some light to it all...
You know something is seriously wrong with the universe when you mother has to come watch South Park with you cause your father is watching Oprah.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Thursday, October 11
I dont wanna go to school mom....
We all know joke about the principle who tells his mother he doesn't want to go to school and she says you have to dear etc. So recently the scenario in the Cuteness Household was this....
My brother introduced my moms to this online game and she has been playing it like it provides her with oxygen, as does my brother mind you. The other night she played until 3am (at some point in the evening The Don came through to "ask" her if she new what time it was and she told him to pretend he didn't know).
Now she is doesn't quite know much of the ins and outs of the game just yet and so runs around in the online gaming universe as the dumb blonde. Luckily some people think that it is pretty cool that a mom is playing this game (seen as the age of the players starts at about 10) and that her children are teaching her to play, so people are more than willing to help her out. The other night she played with a fellow South African, a rare thing, and they played until about 12pm. At which point my mom decided it was bedtime.
Mamma Cuteness: F**K its late (yes just like that, i learnt to swear from
my mother, as did my father actually).
I have to go to bed, have school in the morning.
Fellow SA Player: Oh Ok, what grade are you in?
Mamma Cuteness: Well actually I'm the Vice Principle
Fellow SA Player: You are the coolest lady....
Another insight into the woman that is my mother. She swore at her matrics AGAIN this week. No wonder they love her?! However I am not, my parents decided recently that perhaps doing some speed dating or the that type of vibe is a good idea for me! REALLY NOW?!?! Come on parents, please relax. I am no old maid or some baron 45 year old (altho barely coping with the 25 milestone!) Sigh... Exams have been a good distraction for them tho, (?) wrote my first one yesterday and my mother cried the entire day because of it, for reasons I am not going to explain, the people that read this know why anyway :)
Remain Infinitely Cute
Xxx
My brother introduced my moms to this online game and she has been playing it like it provides her with oxygen, as does my brother mind you. The other night she played until 3am (at some point in the evening The Don came through to "ask" her if she new what time it was and she told him to pretend he didn't know).
Now she is doesn't quite know much of the ins and outs of the game just yet and so runs around in the online gaming universe as the dumb blonde. Luckily some people think that it is pretty cool that a mom is playing this game (seen as the age of the players starts at about 10) and that her children are teaching her to play, so people are more than willing to help her out. The other night she played with a fellow South African, a rare thing, and they played until about 12pm. At which point my mom decided it was bedtime.
Mamma Cuteness: F**K its late (yes just like that, i learnt to swear from
my mother, as did my father actually).
I have to go to bed, have school in the morning.
Fellow SA Player: Oh Ok, what grade are you in?
Mamma Cuteness: Well actually I'm the Vice Principle
Fellow SA Player: You are the coolest lady....
Another insight into the woman that is my mother. She swore at her matrics AGAIN this week. No wonder they love her?! However I am not, my parents decided recently that perhaps doing some speed dating or the that type of vibe is a good idea for me! REALLY NOW?!?! Come on parents, please relax. I am no old maid or some baron 45 year old (altho barely coping with the 25 milestone!) Sigh... Exams have been a good distraction for them tho, (?) wrote my first one yesterday and my mother cried the entire day because of it, for reasons I am not going to explain, the people that read this know why anyway :)
Remain Infinitely Cute
Xxx
Tuesday, October 2
Types of Girlfriends.
I started out writing about types of women, but soon realized that in actual fact I was referring to women and their behaviour in relationships. Now having a brother who has dated roughly 76% of Jhb and seeing a fair amount of males in relationships I have come to observe various behaviours of this strange specimen, A woman in a relationship.
Type A. The Strap-on.
She is better than you at everything. She can outrun, out swim, out drink, beat you at mortal combat, poker, darts and pool. She can burp louder than you and when you wrestle, it is never a given who is going to win. You are not sure if she is your girlfriend or the greatest guy-friend you have ever had.
Type B. Glad-Wrap.
If you were food, honey you would be fresh for years. Really, why bother wearing clothes when you can just slap on some cologne and your girlfriend. When out and about, there is no question about your relationship status or who you are involved with. When trying to have a conversation, having a mouthful of teeth is hardly your problem, it is that you have an extra tongue perpetually stuck down your throat that is making talking difficult.
Type C. The squealer.
This is the girl that squeals with delight every time she sees you. It is so high-pitched that only dogs can hear it. She tells you she misses you after you have gone to pee or buy a drink, a mere absence of a few minutes. In fact when you return, she has turned blue, because as her left lung, leaving her, you have only left her with 50% of her breathing (and thinking) capacity. She calls you sugar-lips, Tea-tree, pumpkin, my baaaaaabbby at the end and beginning of every sentence and when introducing you, does so only as “my Boyfriend” because before you were her boyfriend, you were nothing else, you didn’t even have a name. Her future plans are to have 8 of your babies, all called Boyfriend JR, and bring you your slippers and pipe after cooking you a 3 course meal. Baby speak is a given.
Type D. The Mother. (Read Nazi)
She dresses you, orders your food, chooses your hairstyle, tells you when to stop drinking, when to be home, where to go, where NOT to go, who to go out with, who your friends are, what to say, think, feel and earn. She tells you what car to buy because after all, it has to be what she likes. Sex is purely for her enjoyment, and to quote an old airline add, “She only wants to hear one click.” She disciplines with a simple look that when you were little, was accompanied by the words (said by your actual mother) “I’m going to count to 3.” With her, spankings are not kinky, they are terrifying!
Type E. The oil-painting.
This girl wears so much makeup you are unable to tell what her real eye colour is. She has to sit still as movement will cause her to crack. Her eyes are never fully open as the amount of makeup on them has made them too heavy, that it is physically impossible for her to open them properly. You are not allowed to kiss her as you may mess up her caked on lip-gloss or lipstick (if you actually want to). In fact if you are sitting on the opposite side of The Hat to her, her lips are still in reach, she is wearing that much makeup! Instead of makeup remover, she uses thinners and a chisel.
Type F. High Maintenance.
Now this is a tough one, because most men believe women are high maintenance. This is the woman who spends 4 hours in the bathroom and emerges looking exactly the same. She bitches about the food, wine and company at every opportunity and if she it out partying, she wants to be home chilling and vice versa. She is the girl who responds fine, when you know it isn’t and says things like “if you don’t know what is wrong then I just can’t help you.” She has huge double standards so don’t even expect fairness, what a ridiculous concept and how silly of you to think there would be such a thing! She will ignore you for 2 weeks as a form of punishment. (Without realizing that she is doing you a favour because god knows you love the peace.) She says one thing but expects the opposite. And god help you if you can’t mind-read! You will cancel golf because she said so, but at your would-be tee-off time is her hair and nail appointment. For her birthday, the lovely and pricey bracelet is great but the picnic under the stars in your garden is not good enough as it didn’t cost R2000 and was not in the Westcliff gardens with a string quartet playing in the background. She will scream at you for 2 hours because you didn’t remember the anniversary of the first time you saw each other briefly on the dance floor at a school social before being introduced for the first time, properly, 6 years later.
Tell me boys, loving your girlfriends right now aren’t you?!
Remain Infinitely Cute
Xxx
Type A. The Strap-on.
She is better than you at everything. She can outrun, out swim, out drink, beat you at mortal combat, poker, darts and pool. She can burp louder than you and when you wrestle, it is never a given who is going to win. You are not sure if she is your girlfriend or the greatest guy-friend you have ever had.
Type B. Glad-Wrap.
If you were food, honey you would be fresh for years. Really, why bother wearing clothes when you can just slap on some cologne and your girlfriend. When out and about, there is no question about your relationship status or who you are involved with. When trying to have a conversation, having a mouthful of teeth is hardly your problem, it is that you have an extra tongue perpetually stuck down your throat that is making talking difficult.
Type C. The squealer.
This is the girl that squeals with delight every time she sees you. It is so high-pitched that only dogs can hear it. She tells you she misses you after you have gone to pee or buy a drink, a mere absence of a few minutes. In fact when you return, she has turned blue, because as her left lung, leaving her, you have only left her with 50% of her breathing (and thinking) capacity. She calls you sugar-lips, Tea-tree, pumpkin, my baaaaaabbby at the end and beginning of every sentence and when introducing you, does so only as “my Boyfriend” because before you were her boyfriend, you were nothing else, you didn’t even have a name. Her future plans are to have 8 of your babies, all called Boyfriend JR, and bring you your slippers and pipe after cooking you a 3 course meal. Baby speak is a given.
Type D. The Mother. (Read Nazi)
She dresses you, orders your food, chooses your hairstyle, tells you when to stop drinking, when to be home, where to go, where NOT to go, who to go out with, who your friends are, what to say, think, feel and earn. She tells you what car to buy because after all, it has to be what she likes. Sex is purely for her enjoyment, and to quote an old airline add, “She only wants to hear one click.” She disciplines with a simple look that when you were little, was accompanied by the words (said by your actual mother) “I’m going to count to 3.” With her, spankings are not kinky, they are terrifying!
Type E. The oil-painting.
This girl wears so much makeup you are unable to tell what her real eye colour is. She has to sit still as movement will cause her to crack. Her eyes are never fully open as the amount of makeup on them has made them too heavy, that it is physically impossible for her to open them properly. You are not allowed to kiss her as you may mess up her caked on lip-gloss or lipstick (if you actually want to). In fact if you are sitting on the opposite side of The Hat to her, her lips are still in reach, she is wearing that much makeup! Instead of makeup remover, she uses thinners and a chisel.
Type F. High Maintenance.
Now this is a tough one, because most men believe women are high maintenance. This is the woman who spends 4 hours in the bathroom and emerges looking exactly the same. She bitches about the food, wine and company at every opportunity and if she it out partying, she wants to be home chilling and vice versa. She is the girl who responds fine, when you know it isn’t and says things like “if you don’t know what is wrong then I just can’t help you.” She has huge double standards so don’t even expect fairness, what a ridiculous concept and how silly of you to think there would be such a thing! She will ignore you for 2 weeks as a form of punishment. (Without realizing that she is doing you a favour because god knows you love the peace.) She says one thing but expects the opposite. And god help you if you can’t mind-read! You will cancel golf because she said so, but at your would-be tee-off time is her hair and nail appointment. For her birthday, the lovely and pricey bracelet is great but the picnic under the stars in your garden is not good enough as it didn’t cost R2000 and was not in the Westcliff gardens with a string quartet playing in the background. She will scream at you for 2 hours because you didn’t remember the anniversary of the first time you saw each other briefly on the dance floor at a school social before being introduced for the first time, properly, 6 years later.
Tell me boys, loving your girlfriends right now aren’t you?!
Remain Infinitely Cute
Xxx
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