Chapter 1
Every person has at least 3 hugely tacky drunken moments in their lives. Recently chatting to friends and family I realized I could write a book of various drunken LCs that could cure and perhaps enhance others battling the morning after. Here are a few for the hall of fame. (Names have been excluded for self preservation purposes – except for family, they stuck with me no matter what).
Weird Sleeping places…
One friend found herself sleeping on her flat balcony after not having house keys, being unable to wake flat mate by hitting on her window with a broom and climbing over 3 other balconies, 3 times trying to see if their keys fitted her balcony door. Did I mention it was raining? She did however manage to sleep out there till 11 till her mates woke her because she was getting too sunburnt.
Another mate, one who is decidedly tall, got out of his bed, and climbed into the bath to sleep away the rest of the night. I must say, when I discovered him on my way to pee he looked hugely comfortable but I couldn’t understand why he had left a warm bed and gorgeous girlfriend for a bath?! Even if, by some small chance, she had kicked out of the b, there were 2 lovely soft couches on which he could lay his head. We still to this day do not know why he chose the welcoming walls of the bath to rest.
One night my brother decided it was far too much effort to unlock his flat door that was right by the gate he had just come in through. So he walked around to the front garden and chose to sleep in my Wendy house.
My sister, on a drunken camping trip fell in a dug out ditch that was used to mark the different camping areas for different parties. After many failed attempts to get out of the ditch, she decided to just sleep there. The people who had sat and watched her try to battle her way out of the ditch for half an hour eventually rescued her.
Another mate of mine decided that he needed to sleep and wasn’t patient enough to wait for us to finish off our dancing. He vanished. On our way to the car I phoned to find out where he was situated and he told me he was at the car. What he failed to mention was that he was lying next to the car, sleeping on the tar, extremely happy. He then refused to get up because he was comfortable. But this feeling didn’t stop him from moaning that he had to lie on the tar and wait for us (men!).
End of Chapter 1.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Thursday, May 24
Sunday, May 20
A Book of Faces.
On many occasions View United has marveled at the addiction and wonder that is Facebook. People spend hours writing on walls, responding to endless threads and searching for long lost familiar faces. When you log onto Facebook there are a list of pokes, your friends that are thinking about you and want to say hi in a little cheeky way that can only make you smile. You can see what people have been doing, where they have been and who they have seen. You can tell by their status whether they are having a good or bad day. You can see when things have gone from being in an open relationship to its complicated to single or who is in a relationship. You can tell whether they threw some name on the weekend just by reading their friends’ teasing remarks. You can find people who read the same books, like the same music or who have studied or studying the same thing as you. Facebook is a marvelous and unbelievable way to maintain contact with your close friends on a daily basis and find people you knew in a previous life from schools or childhood. It is a hugely addictive networking tool that one is constantly surprised by who is longing in to join the Facebook phenomenon.
One thing that I love about Facebook is you get to see where people are now, who they have become. The girl who would pull your pigtails and be mean to you all through primary school is now a mature individual who is happy reconnect with an old friend, throwing out compliments and interested in what you been up to. The girl who was a “less than average” student is just about to complete her doctorate in some ridiculously hard-to-remember thing, but you know it’s hard and interesting. The girl who was going to get married at 21 and have babies by 23 to her high school boyfriend is now single (and loving it) and traveling the globe and experiencing things most people cant imagine. The school nerd is now sporting platinum blonde hair and a skelt (a skirt so short it should be worn as a belt) with a ciggy hanging from her lips, tequila in her hand and a group of men surrounding this carefree and intoxicating woman. The future CEO is now married with twins, a stay-at-home mom and as happy as anyone could ever be. The girl who was spectacular to look at, although you hardly got to see her because she was constantly surrounded by males is now a plain-Jane (peak-too-sooner) and prefers it that way. The fat-girl is looking phenomenal but remains the same sweet, funny and lovely girl she always was (fat-girl syndrome). The girl who was arrogant but completely magnetic to all those that encountered her, is now, well, just arrogant.
Your close friends seem exactly the same, looking at the changes of the other girls, they haven’t changed at all. Although you realize this is because you, as a group, have changed together.
It is always interesting to see how people are, what they are doing and who they have become after years of not seeing them. But once the reconnection has been made and this is established, you are just glad that they are well, happy (I use these words very tentatively) and that you made a connection with someone who at some stage you spent everyday of your life with, for years.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
One thing that I love about Facebook is you get to see where people are now, who they have become. The girl who would pull your pigtails and be mean to you all through primary school is now a mature individual who is happy reconnect with an old friend, throwing out compliments and interested in what you been up to. The girl who was a “less than average” student is just about to complete her doctorate in some ridiculously hard-to-remember thing, but you know it’s hard and interesting. The girl who was going to get married at 21 and have babies by 23 to her high school boyfriend is now single (and loving it) and traveling the globe and experiencing things most people cant imagine. The school nerd is now sporting platinum blonde hair and a skelt (a skirt so short it should be worn as a belt) with a ciggy hanging from her lips, tequila in her hand and a group of men surrounding this carefree and intoxicating woman. The future CEO is now married with twins, a stay-at-home mom and as happy as anyone could ever be. The girl who was spectacular to look at, although you hardly got to see her because she was constantly surrounded by males is now a plain-Jane (peak-too-sooner) and prefers it that way. The fat-girl is looking phenomenal but remains the same sweet, funny and lovely girl she always was (fat-girl syndrome). The girl who was arrogant but completely magnetic to all those that encountered her, is now, well, just arrogant.
Your close friends seem exactly the same, looking at the changes of the other girls, they haven’t changed at all. Although you realize this is because you, as a group, have changed together.
It is always interesting to see how people are, what they are doing and who they have become after years of not seeing them. But once the reconnection has been made and this is established, you are just glad that they are well, happy (I use these words very tentatively) and that you made a connection with someone who at some stage you spent everyday of your life with, for years.
Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX
Friday, May 18
................
In the spirit of the Super 14 and just for my good friend Tit I would just like to say one thing today:
GO THE SHARKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, May 17
Cruelty
I have a confession.
I have 2 dogs. (That is not the confession) Well one cannot call them dogs, they are a step up from Chihuahuas. (That is the confession) They are Pekingese. Yes, Pekingese. As Tit so aptly puts it I would save a fortune on mops because I would just need to shove a stick up their asses and use them. And yes they do look they pummeled into a wall 700 times to create a complete lack of profile. Now we decided when we got these 2 dogs that we wanted the best, champions and we got, well, not champions. (Although we paid for champions). Firstly the one has severe sinus problems and cannot breathe problems so snorts as she breathes heavily. Her bottom jaw also juts out so badly that one could rest their cup of tea on it. The other looks like its father was a cat, her ears are too short and her tail is too long for her and both of their tongues are too long for their mouths and so are permanently sticking out, mouth closed or open, awake or asleep. They are hideous. But extremely cute and have loads of personality. They always run side by side and follow me around the house. They great everyone who walks in the door with great enthusiasm and are in constant competition for attention. If the one sits next to you, the other will sit on your lap, then the other will try to get closer. (Where I don’t know, but they try, even if it includes attempting climbing up a nostril).
They are Tweedledum and Tweedledee (not their real names).
Now they are a little like homing pigeons. They love to run off and explore (this is particularly nerve wracking on a 550 hectare game farm) but they always (ALWAYS) come home. Our complex at home is a circle and our house is in the middle. This is their racing track, where they train for the game farm. Every opportunity they get they bolt out, run around the complex, explore a little at first, then run around like one would run around a track and when they are tired come home, sit at the front door and bark so we come let them in. at first we would go after them to catch them, the one would just ignore us and the other would sprint towards us and at the last second veer to the side in an excellent dodge-a-tackle-rugby-move. They come home, its enclosed, its good exercise, most of the neighbours love them and think they are exceptionally cute and leave them to their devices, they don’t mind them, they don’t bite, bark (properly anyway) and in reality most rats are bigger than they are. Which is why today I was enraged by a certain neighbour!
The security guard passed on a message to say that if this neighbour saw them out again he would kill them. DISGUSTING. Specially considering their Maltese matted (clearly cared for) half breed come up to our gate and barks at them every opportunity it gets! It roams round the complex freely but they will kill our dogs!? I was very proud because this morning the girls got out and pooped on their driveway. (Well done girls! Unfortunately a frog's pooh is bigger than theirs). Now The Don does not care much for the girls, he doesn’t even know their names, but he was enraged and is going to deal with it (I pity the neighbour!)
Now the reason I called this post cruelty is because I have had problems with this family and dogs before. Their brat, I mean, son kicked their puppy one day cause he believed it would be funny. Well I let the little shit I mean boy have it. Another time I caught him and the other complex kids teasing my St Bernard’s (yes once I had real dogs). Now the St Bs were horses really so they were pretty brave, considering there were 2 of them. But it is very easy to tease dogs behind a gate. (That is why when I caught them teasing them I said that if I ever caught them at the gate again I would open it to even the playing field a little – a proud moment for me!). I do not understand how people can abuse their power over animals, the animal’s complete dependency on them. A dog is not a play-thing, if you are not going to love it, don’t get one. That advert years ago when the dog was put back in the present box broke many hearts, probably even the hearts of people who abuse, and continue to, abuse their animals.
Abuse of power is something I shall delve into deeper on another day.
Remain Infinitely Cute (and cruelty free)
XXX
I have 2 dogs. (That is not the confession) Well one cannot call them dogs, they are a step up from Chihuahuas. (That is the confession) They are Pekingese. Yes, Pekingese. As Tit so aptly puts it I would save a fortune on mops because I would just need to shove a stick up their asses and use them. And yes they do look they pummeled into a wall 700 times to create a complete lack of profile. Now we decided when we got these 2 dogs that we wanted the best, champions and we got, well, not champions. (Although we paid for champions). Firstly the one has severe sinus problems and cannot breathe problems so snorts as she breathes heavily. Her bottom jaw also juts out so badly that one could rest their cup of tea on it. The other looks like its father was a cat, her ears are too short and her tail is too long for her and both of their tongues are too long for their mouths and so are permanently sticking out, mouth closed or open, awake or asleep. They are hideous. But extremely cute and have loads of personality. They always run side by side and follow me around the house. They great everyone who walks in the door with great enthusiasm and are in constant competition for attention. If the one sits next to you, the other will sit on your lap, then the other will try to get closer. (Where I don’t know, but they try, even if it includes attempting climbing up a nostril).
They are Tweedledum and Tweedledee (not their real names).
Now they are a little like homing pigeons. They love to run off and explore (this is particularly nerve wracking on a 550 hectare game farm) but they always (ALWAYS) come home. Our complex at home is a circle and our house is in the middle. This is their racing track, where they train for the game farm. Every opportunity they get they bolt out, run around the complex, explore a little at first, then run around like one would run around a track and when they are tired come home, sit at the front door and bark so we come let them in. at first we would go after them to catch them, the one would just ignore us and the other would sprint towards us and at the last second veer to the side in an excellent dodge-a-tackle-rugby-move. They come home, its enclosed, its good exercise, most of the neighbours love them and think they are exceptionally cute and leave them to their devices, they don’t mind them, they don’t bite, bark (properly anyway) and in reality most rats are bigger than they are. Which is why today I was enraged by a certain neighbour!
The security guard passed on a message to say that if this neighbour saw them out again he would kill them. DISGUSTING. Specially considering their Maltese matted (clearly cared for) half breed come up to our gate and barks at them every opportunity it gets! It roams round the complex freely but they will kill our dogs!? I was very proud because this morning the girls got out and pooped on their driveway. (Well done girls! Unfortunately a frog's pooh is bigger than theirs). Now The Don does not care much for the girls, he doesn’t even know their names, but he was enraged and is going to deal with it (I pity the neighbour!)
Now the reason I called this post cruelty is because I have had problems with this family and dogs before. Their brat, I mean, son kicked their puppy one day cause he believed it would be funny. Well I let the little shit I mean boy have it. Another time I caught him and the other complex kids teasing my St Bernard’s (yes once I had real dogs). Now the St Bs were horses really so they were pretty brave, considering there were 2 of them. But it is very easy to tease dogs behind a gate. (That is why when I caught them teasing them I said that if I ever caught them at the gate again I would open it to even the playing field a little – a proud moment for me!). I do not understand how people can abuse their power over animals, the animal’s complete dependency on them. A dog is not a play-thing, if you are not going to love it, don’t get one. That advert years ago when the dog was put back in the present box broke many hearts, probably even the hearts of people who abuse, and continue to, abuse their animals.
Abuse of power is something I shall delve into deeper on another day.
Remain Infinitely Cute (and cruelty free)
XXX
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
