Coach's Report (Warning: Very long post!!)

A couple months back Cuteness and I were chatting about the fact that the two of us had not seen each other in a while and more importantly that we hadn’t had a good razzle together and in that very same conversation she promised me that one night the two of us would have the razzle of all razzles. Well sports fans, last week Thursday was nothing short of THE RAZZLE OF ALL RAZZLES and this is the eagerly awaited match postmortem from the coach……..

Key Info of the Evening:

The Players: Her Infinite Cuteness and Tit
The Coach: Myself
The Challenge: To prove that these two gorgeous ladies still had it when it came to being “poached” by opposition team members
The Venues: Restaurant in Morningside then THE MANEATER (can you hear the warning bells already?)

Pre Match Summary:
· Coach arrived first to be met a “little” later by the players in their fantastic uniforms – 1 x little black number for Cuteness and 1x Low Cut/Low Back White Top and Jeans for Tit. Let me tell you sports fans these 2 ladies were dressed to kill
· 1 x bottle of delectable Vergelen Sauvignon Blanc
· Great conversation, slight bitch session (we are girls at the end of the day)
· Fabulous sushi plus another bottle of delectable Vergelen Sauvignon Blanc
· 2 x Jager Bombs for Tit and myself (Cuteness lost a bet)
· More great conversation, this time however more naughty discussion topics and loads of laughing, generally revolving around the opposition players
· 1 x bottle of delectable Vergelen Sauvignon Blanc
· Talks of going to the Maneater as opposed to “quieter” bar like News Café, slight apprehension as it is student night after all
· 3 x Jager Bombs followed by unanimous decision to in fact go to the Maneater (we can brave the student sides fielded for the evening)
· Cuteness leaves to go powder her nose
· Random Martin from table next to ours joins Tit and I
· Half an hour later, Cuteness still AWOL, Tit discovers her at a random couples table discussing political correctness, yes political correctness WTF????
· Cuteness rejoins us and proceeds to invite Random Martin (who is 40+ and does not drink) to Maneater on Students Night. Martin respectfully declines which results in Cuteness eloquently calling the man a kitty cat
· Three of us leave in a hurry
· R850 later

The Game:

Arrive at maneater round midnight ish (I think). Cuteness decides to draw R1000 off credit card. ATM eats credit card. Panic ensues from Cuteness. Tit and I are at this stage too busy sniggering at the fact that we have discovered in the light of the ATM that Cuteness’ dress was in fact completely see-through at the back showing her black G-String. Decide that she would be horrified so will tell her in the morning, realize at the same time we are in fact bad friends. Cuteness now in complete state of hysteria decides to look in the 2 slip bins next to the ATM in case card is in there, throwing the slips around like confetti. Whilst doing this she notices a cute foreign boy standing at the ATM next to her. Panic diverted and she is back in the game. Proceeds to tell foreigner that he is very cute in front of his very buff rugby player looking girlfriend. Unimpressed look in our direction. Remove Cuteness and head to their playing field. Cuteness then realizes that credit card is in fact swallowed by ATM and panics again. Due to certain politics and potential loss of friendship with Cuteness I will omit certain details of this panic attack, but will just say that she was highly concerned that all her dad’s hard earned money was now not safe due to credit card disappearing. Calm her down. Debate at this point whether to direct panic to the see-through dress but decide that the panic would be far worse in this case.

Walk to the main bar, 3 x Jager Bombs, realize that they were in fact going down like mommy’s panties on Father’s Day. Do a brief scope of the playing field, decide that the opposition players are not of great caliber. Panic ensues on my behalf realizing that my challenge may have back fired! Go to the top bar. 3 x Jager Bombs, lose Cuteness, so 2 x Tequila for Tit and I, didn’t go down quite as smooth. Notice Cuteness on other side of bar being absolutely ravaged by a random player. Coach 1 Players 0. Think I should rule it as a foul when he straddled her but at this stage the alcohol had started to take effect. Proceed to remove Cuteness from clutches of random player and go to the ladies. Way too much alcohol for Cuteness and Tit and I witness her dinner again in chewed form. But this player is unstoppable, go to the dance floor. Coach clearly had also had way too much to drink at this point and exhibited a type of dance style that could only emulate Johnny Clegg doing Impi. At this point my sincerest apologies to Tit for “stomping” on her toe, splitting her nail in half, causing her to bleed all over her new yellow shoes. That she bought that day. Still don’t think it was me!

Decide to leave the Maneater, get into our 2 separate cars. Tit and Cuteness going to Tit’s house 5 mins away, myself driving home 20 mins away (not my finest moment). Start driving out, see Tit being pulled over by one of Johannesburg’s finest Metropolitan Police Officers. Hit reverse and phone Tit to say I am coming home with her.

Now sports fans just when you thought the story was over, think again. Get into Tit’s car. Turn left onto Witkoppen (stupid route in hindsight) and are faced with another one of Johannesburg’s finest Metropolitan Police Officers shining the torch for Tit to pull over.
P A N I C!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tit: Good evening officer
Pig: Good evening miss, please will you blow into this breathalyzer for me?
Tit: P A N I C!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Blows badly, no reading.
Pig: Blow again properly!!!!
Tit: But officer I am, I just have asthma (yeah right???)
Coach at this point decides that she would like to view her dinner again out the door IN FRONT OF THE OFFICER (once again not my finest moment)
Cuteness at this point decides to raise her hand like little Johnny in class and say “OOOHH breathalyse me breathalyse me please ossifer”
Tit: Blows again
Reading: 1.65 (WTF??????? SHE WOULD BE DEAD if that were true)
Pig: I am going to have to arrest you
Tit: Please look at my friends and tell me that one of them should be driving
Pig: Best I can do is take you to the station and make you pay an admission of guilt fine
Tit: How much will that cost?
Pig: Well how much is in your wallet?
BINGO!!!!!!!!! 350 South African Rondts later and we were on our way again

Straight to Tit’s bed for me where they cover me up and go sleep in the spare room next door.

Get woken up the next morning by Tit and Bail and I am on the floor. How the hell I got there with my head on her teddy as a pillow and wrapped in the duvet, heaven only knows?!?!?!?!

Tit and I fake food poisoning and the 3 of us spend the day reminiscing about this debaucherous evening and start the beginning of the biggest LCs of our lives! Still have one a week later, hence the apprehension of writing this novel and reliving it!

Post Match Summary:

Sushi and 3 bottles of delectable Vergelen Sauvignon Blanc R850
Maneater R500
Bribing one of Johannesburg’s finest Metropolitan Police Officers R350
Watching your friends throw their names around in see-through dresses and broken toe nails followed by throwing up in front of a cop, misplacing a pair of shoes, leaving a car at the Maneater, losing a credit card, waking up on the floor and phoning in “sick” PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have a PMS/CBS/LC free day now

Sweet Pea

P.S. Never drinking and driving EVER again!!!!!

I'm It..

Ive been tagged by Sam-girl;
Rules: Each player starts off with 10 weird things / little known facts about themselves, and this rule MUST be stated in blog. Thereafter, 6 other people must be tagged, here goes;

1. I arrange almost everything in height and (in case of clothes) colour order. My Cd's are also in alphabetical order.
2. I sleep with a teddy every night. If I go away, I take him with me.
3. My hair has been blonde, almost black and plum. I think my natural colour is a lightish shade of brown.
4. When I was a kid, my dad bought me the Bambi animation. I know the mom deer dies but I felt bad not watching it so I watched to the point where it seemed to be getting ominous, I stopped the tape. It remains in that spot to this day.
5. While I wait for my bath water to run, I turn on my radio pretty loud and dance around in my underwear.
6. The volume level on a radio always have to be on a number ending with a 5 or 0.
7. I'm not sure I believe the whole soul mate, someone for everyone theory.
8. I found a man’s neck and forearms incredibly sexy.
9. I have never been in love or been completely swept off my feet.
10. I'm not afraid of death, but I'm a little afraid of living.

I am tagging Sweet Pea, Tit, DoubleR, msmozi, Kab and Nos.

Remain Infinitely Cute

XXX

UDI

Unidentified Drunken Injury

LC

Alcohol is the Devil.

A Message from the Coach.........

As the coach of the esteemed team that is View United I feel that it is my responsibility, no duty to report the bad behaviour of two of my players, namely Tit and Her Infinite Cuteness.

I find it rather concerning that these two players have low morale at the moment and are just not putting their hearts into the game! As a coach I need to sort this problem out before the whole team gets relegated! I will just not stand for this, I am too competitive for that.

In a team meeting this morning it became apparent to me that these two players are not feeling very confident in their playing abilities at the moment. Heaven knows why they would be feeling like this when I have witnessed an evening of sixes, heard about an own goal (not happy with that) and I have been sidelined for advice on two opposing players from the same fine player! These two players have outstanding strike rates and I find it mortifying to hear that they don't feel like they have any playing ability at the moment!

The Challenge

In the team meeting this morning about our scheduled dinner this evening I have issued these two players with a challenge. After said dinner the 3 of us will be making our way to a fine establishment still to be decided, where and I quote what I said "opposition team members will attempt to poach them" and all I have to do is sit back and watch this unfold before my eyes. Call me the coach/wingman for the evening, I will show these two fine ladies just how "poachable" the two of them are without having to do a thing.

This challenge has been accepted and the two players are currently deciding on their team uniforms for the evening. I do believe one little black number has been decided for our Cuteness and Tit is still yet undecided!

At this point I would like to set some rules for this challenge:

1) I, as coach/wingman, can make a call on what I deem as unsatisfactory play whenever I regard applicable, this may not be argued upon at any time
2) Bribes in the form of alcoholic beverages may be accepted from opposing team members if said members are of appropriate team stature, this will count as a penalty in favour of View United, or against if opposing team player is unsatisfactory
3) If said bribe results in a sideline conversation of more than 5 minutes it will count as a goal
4) More than one bribe from the same opposing team member will count as a home run (yes I do realise that I am mixing sports but I am the coach after all and this is my challenge)
5) Physical body contact at any stage will be reviewed very clearly and can either be ruled as offsides if opposing team member does not meet my team status code of contact or can be ruled as a straight-out-the-park SIX (yes i know yet another sport) if said player does meet such standards
6) Fouls, wides and yellow/red cards may be given out whenever I deem necessary!

I will be keeping score of all the events and will unfortunately make decisions against my own players if they do not abide by the View United rules and regulations.

I will present all scores and findings tomorrow and show that there is conclusive evidence that these two players are not only MVPs (Most Valuable Players) but will prove to be an unconquerable force this season!

On a different note, I feel it necessary to announce that the MPP (Most Popular Player) for the last month, Doc, has now been "officially" benched by our very own Durban. So MPP status is up for grabs again!

In the meantime play nicely players and have a PMS/CBS free day now

Coach Sweet Pea

P.S. Whiteboy i will be doing all coaching from the sidelines and in no way participating in this challenge this evening

Migraines and School boys.

There are two things that hard to beat discomfort wise… Migraines and being the only young female in an all boys school at break time.

Now today Mamma Cuteness has a migraine and so The Don and I headed off to fetch her from school (she teaches Matric English). After 20kms there I had seen the end of my life nearly 27 times, I decided I was never never never driving with the Don again. It was break time and I looked at the little primary school boys playing rugby and being little boys, I smiled, thinking, some of you are going to grow up to be such assholes! The older boys were naturally checking me out, I mean they only human.
I walked to Mamma Cuteness’s office and passed a group of Matric boys. They all stood up and greeted me with a “Hello ma’am.” For 2 reasons, firstly they stood up?!?!?!? What is that, I was blown away by such chivalry as I never really see it! And secondly they called me ma’am?!?!?! O my greatness! Do I really look old enough to be a ma’am??? Complete panic on my side.

I gather up Mamma Cuteness and her various belongings. She hands me the keys to her 4th child! The ma’am calling was momentarily forgotten. I get to drive the HOT MAMMA CUTENESS CAR! This is possibly the most beautiful piece of machinery. I relished in driving the dark blue SLK 350 and felt thing that I cannot mention out loud. Hearing the car engine resonate in the garage made me sigh ever so deeply. Some tension had built up on the drive home that wasn’t good for a single girl in the middle of the day!

Taking a moment to pull myself towards myself before going inside, I remembered the ma’am comment and rushed upstairs. Applied some ant-wrinkle cream and checked out my breasteses, yes they were still as firm as an 18 year olds!

Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX

Why do people hide bodies in the basement?

All people go through incredibly trying times. Some talk and share their feelings openly with those around them, they can openly cry with their friends. Other people hide it all. They put on their happy face and an I am ok approach. Why is that? Why do some people close themselves off and even in a way are scared of what they are feeling. Do they hide emotions because they think it is easier for the people around them? Surely, as adults, we are able to deal with the complexity of emotions, and if we are hiding how we are really feeling or how bad things are in life, surely one needs to re-evaluate who they are surrounding themselves with and who, in fact, are their real confidants.

So why do people hide bodies in the basement?
So they can still entertain.

Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX

Boredom and Revelations

Been thinking the whole day about something to blog about but unfortunately nothing is really springing to mind, is my life really not that interesting? Those that know me please reserve comment to that question! And I have had the whole day to do this too, since our e-mail has been down, yet again. I swear if its not some stupid worm or virus, the e-mail is down. Now this renders my work pretty useless so once again I sat twiddling my thumbs (skype still isn't working either).

My day basically was spent chatting to Cuteness on Facebook. Now for those of you who don't know what Facebook is, I suggest that you do yourselves a favour and have a look because I think its great and it saved me from pulling my hair out today. Put that thought right out my mind when I figured people might think I am following Britney Spears (WTF is up with that chick anyway?). Sorry minor tangent there. So Cuteness and I were chatting and we have realised that our lives aren't nearly as exciting as they used to be. Exciting being that we have no juicy stories to share with each other anymore, although I think she had plenty from last Friday night at the Maneater. Are we really getting that old that we have no scandalous stories to share anymore? We used to have mountains of gossip and scandal to share and now we chat about arb things. Then it dawned on me that I am actually quite happy with this revelation. Arb is good, arb is exciting too!

Why is it that so many people live around other people's lives? I mean I am guilty of doing this and I religiously buy the Heat every Tuesday and delve into the lives of celebrities and gossip. But Heat aside, people are far too preoccupied in each others lives and interfering and I personally have had enough of that. I am quite happy to keep all the details of my life to myself and those that are important to me. Now don't get me wrong I enjoy hearing stories from weekends and nights out as much as the next person, go have a look at www.losercomplex.com - this is a prime example of what I love to hear, but when it comes down to the nitty gritty intimate details of people's personal lives I would much rather keep the personal in that.

I mean I could have blogged about my fantastic weekend away in the bush with Whiteboy but I no longer kiss and tell and quite frankly it is a lot more special if it remains personal. So this is my revelation of the day and I know that this is probably not the blog you expect from me but sometimes it just needs to be said that people are too interfering and quite frankly need to get their own lives!!

You all have yourselves a fantastically PMS/CBS free day now

Sweet Pea (maybe should be Serious Pea today)

hmmmm

Dreams are the answers to questions we haven't yet figured out how to ask.

An Ode to Henry Fish

About 3 years ago I was watching The Block and I got an idea for a fish that I wanted to do for myself from the moment I saw it, except that instead of having a blue fish it needed to be red. What the guy had done was taken a blue Siamese Fighter Fish and put it in a really nice vase with some stones in the bottom and it looked absolutely stunning. So I searched high and low in every pet shop I stumbled into for a red one but eventually gave up on the idea that a red Siamese Fighter even existed.

So I told The Honourable Whiteboy about this and low and behold for Valentine's Day there it was. Now 58 phone calls and a trip to Kempton Park later he had managed to find my little fishy for me and a really gorgeous vase to boot (major major brownie points there!!!!) And his name.......Henry Fish. He was really really so cute and it looked so good in my room.

So I get Henry Fish on Wednesday evening and after a HUGE night at the Maneater on Thursday evening I walk into my room on Friday morning and say hi to my little Henry but I notice that he is awfully still and right at the bottom of the vase. So I slowly walk, well creep with baited breath would be a better description, up to the vase and give it a little tap next to Henry and nothing. Dont panic now, he might just be really really REALLY still, so I tap it again......NOTHING. Now I am freaking out so I grab the top of the vase and give it a bit of a shake.........NOTHING. Henry Fish is dead. PANIC ensues and now I have no idea what to do. It was a mixture of about to burst into tears and terror. I mean I had the little guy for just one day, ONE day and he dies and so much effort was put into finding the little guy for me. Now Whiteboy and I are going away for the weekend and he is about to fetch me so that we can start our trip so any ideas of trying to replace him has gone out the window (yes the idea did cross my mind!!!) so all I could do was tell him. The coward that I am sends him an sms that says that poor little Henry is dead. And the response was "I had him for 4 days and he was fine, you had him for 1 and he dies, ONE day". I cannot explain the feeling of guilt and sadness I had, well still have over poor little Henry Fish. I am mortified!

As Whiteboy later said to me I am lucky that he did not say to me that it was a symbol of our relationship!

This does not bode well for any future pet gifts! Sigh....poor little Henry Fish, he shall be missed!!!

Have a PMS/CBS and hopefully pet death free day now

SweetPea

Phew

This week I managed to stumble across a convicted attempted murderer, witness a swat team episode and a parking lot gun brawl! I chatted to the President and Vice President of Toyota (the Japanese guys) over sake (the drink) about my latest car idea and had a rather pleasant date… I received a note form Alex, damn that girl has fun but is a hazard of tornado proportions.

So my mother and I were standing outside a magistrate’s courthouse and suddenly 5 vans pull up with dark tinted windows. They stop and about 7 bullet-proofed AK47-holding police men jump out of each car, and take up various positions around the parking lot. I look at my mother and mumble something along the lines that if there is a shoot-out at least they protected by the vests and helmet things with the eye protection glass stuff. They stand on guard, guns at the ready. It took all my self-control not to go up to the one 6 foot 7 giant and ask him what was potting. Luckily some common sense prevailed and I realized it isn’t the best idea to surprise a man with a cocked (if that is the term) AK47 in one hand and the other on his hand gun in its holster. They look around, all alert and as a huge bullet-proof van comes through they all walk to various other places, still looking hugely serious and intimidating. My mind quickly goes through all the people I would like them to intimidate for me. I realize the list is far too long for someone as young, sweet and infinitely cute as myself…
Inside a HUGE man, in his bright orange jumper and feet and hand shackle awkwardly hops along as the feet chains only allow him a few centimeters of walking freedom. His hair was longish and rather manky looking blonde mousy colour and I have a little panic as I imagine the various diseases and lice that live in there and I desperately look for something to cover my head with in attempt to avoid catching his various hair-tenants. I did however want to run up to him and quiz him on what he was in for! Later it turned out it was attempted murder and he was here to appeal his conviction. Now my curiosity was peaked even further, I wanted to know who, how and why he had tried to kill this person. (If I had been his attempted victim, I would have just rolled over and died without him having to try very hard). I am a bit macabre clearly, never found out anymore about him but I think I entertained the lawyers with my curiosity.

On Wednesday evening it was my father’s work farewell and various interesting people had come in to bid farewell to my pops. Much to his amusement and various other businessmen I spoke to the top Toyota guys about what I believed should be their next car project. Damn that Sake. I have no idea how the Japanese drink more than one sip and still maintain their dignity, nevermind the amounts that were consumed infront of me. I “knowledgeably” informed them of the various aspects of the car project and how easy it would be to manufacture in less than 18 months. Despite this, I did learn some interesting things bout my dad and beamed with pride as I walked around after the various speeches.

Friday was doc’s birthday and so we all headed off to Tit’s (and now Durban’s) flat for pre-drinks and then off to Man-eater. I made the pre-drinks but Alex enjoyed the rest of the evening. Masters, Token, Durban, Delicious (later Candy), Doc and Master’s boyfriend and various friends were there. After a little gush about my dad, Alex learnt a valuable lesson, which she conveyed to me in her letter. During a discussion about having children, Alex announced that she would have a surrogate, I mean (and I quote) “why ruin this body?” Now saying such a thing is fine when the people around you are used to your sense of humour, but not when they don’t really know you at all. So much embarrassment ensued after. At least I didn’t whip out such lines in front the big wigs at Toyota. SIGH…… We headed off to the Man-eater. As we walked up to the door, Token and another mate, will call him CockRoach, decided to see what was under my and Doc’s skirt, more than once. As we approached the door (and by we I mean everyone else and Alex) a good tune was playing so Durban and Alex danced their way to the door. Now you know you have made an impression when the bouncer says to Durban how wasted he looks. Alex then took this as her moment to tell Wentworth Miller bouncer to have a nice evening AFTER asking him if he was going to search her!!!! I think Alex scared him. Now that’s bad, being able to scare a bouncer…
Inside we partied, Lola (Tit’s twin) Candy (Delicious’s twin) and Alex. Doc and Durban had a private party. Masters partied with her boy (I shall name him Ranger). Alex sexually harassed some soccer player but quickly got over him when she saw him drinking bottled water. Candy and Alex had many many many many many jaggerbombs in an attempt to get to know the 2 cute barmen better. (Mmmm) CockRoach tried to pick up Alex and Candy together and Alex, wearing a skirt, flashed quite a bit. This was not the only time Alex landed on the floor. Clearly all the bombs had helped because her cute barmen came to her rescue and picked her up off the floor. (Sigh) She then found it necessary to discuss the intricacies with the bouncer (not Wentworth) about the heat involved with having to wear a suit all night.
In and amongst all this Lola and Alex had a moment, Alex ran into an old acquaintance and proceeded to float around on a cloud after said run in. (still am) and Candy was also floating around after a similar run in. Candy and Alex were not impressed when they were literally dragged out of Man-eater as they were just moving in on the barmen who had bankrupted them earlier!!! Unable to walk to the car, they waited for it to come to them while being harassed by 2 divorced men with a few too many children over the age of 14. Finally getting into bed when its light after sending a rather uncharacteristic text, Alex curled up next to Candy and they both floated to sleep.

The next morning, Token and Alex left Tit’s place at about 8, both still drunk and drove home with the windows open and “its all coming back to me now” playing ever so loudly and the 2 of them singing so that everyone on the highway could hear them! Give me an H…… H Give me an AZARD…… AZARD what have you got? HAZARD!!!

Damn what a week, I need to sleep after writing this!

Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX

Dear Kotex

In the spirit of PMS/CBS I would like to share a particularly appropriate e-mail I was sent by my exceptionally fabulous friend Guns:

Dear Kotex,

I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my panty liner had a bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:

- Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
- Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
- Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.
- Try Kotex blah blah blah other products

Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never possessed a functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh. See what happens and report back. I'll wait.

While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate from the vending machine. I garan-friggin-tee that the first responders will be females who just ovulated.

Look, females don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that from their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol.

Printing out sh*t advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that was already purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude, and enough to send a girl running to the Always brand. Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy cr@p to your products or the packaging. Put the sh*t in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer. There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store. So take your tips for living and shove them right up your ass.

Ovarily Yours,
Miss PMS

Have a wonderfully fantastic PMS/CBS free Valentines Day now

Sweet Pea

This makes me sound like a romantic.

I love being single, its how I have been most of my adult life. But today I had a thought. When things are really tough and difficult, it sure would be nice to have someone to give you that reassuring kiss on your forehead or neck. To sit next to you, when reality is in front of you, with an arm around your shoulders or waist as you watch the horrifying scene unfold before you. To give you a reassuring smile at the end of that long day, bring you tea and curl up on the couch with you. To create a little bubble with just the 2 of you in it, a place where time doesn’t matter and both of you are untouchable. When the world disappoints you, you look at this person and know that things aren’t that bad and neither are people, they give you faith and hope. They can look at you when you have been crying for 5 hours straight, are red and blotchy and sniffly, and still say you are beautiful.
It’s great to have that person when things are good, but it’s when things are bad and they aren’t there, that one realizes that perhaps one is slightly lonely.

It is wonderful to have this person.
It is also wonderful to be that person….

Apology

Alex has asked me to place a public apology.
She is sorry for any inappropriate and offensive behaviour on Saturday. It was a game of "I have Never" that caused her final downfall. Despite breaking glasses and struggling to keep liquid inside a glass, she didn't feel the need to perhaps take it easy and embark on the "I have never trail".
Apologies for insults, evil looks, sexual harassment (she cant remember any but she knows herself very well) and all round embarrassing singing and dancing behaviour. The LC set into about 10 minutes ago. (she is a little slow I'm afraid)

She would just like to add that despite this apology (which was somewhat coaxed) she still knows that she is STILL ABSOLUTELY BLOODY FABULOUS and few people come even close to her exceptional partying skills and ability to throw name. (which she is very proud of!)

The Anti-Cute

Meet Alex.
Alex mostly comes out at night but has made a few appearances today. She is loud and hard to miss, most probably because if you don’t notice her, she will come up to you and rectify this situation.
She gets to know all the girls in the bathroom queue, will hop onto a stage and sing karaoke with a perfect stranger, just because the poor girl is singing all on her lonesome. She will get up on stage, in a playboy bunny outfit, and dance (with another strange girl) at Kilimanjaro.
She offers relationship advice to perfect strangers. (Due to her vast experience in this area)
She flirts with EVERYONE, male, female, friends, strangers and even couples… (Ok but she felt bad because the boyfriend was flirting with her and of course the only natural way to deal with this was to hit on his girlfriend.)
If she doesn’t like something about you or something you are wearing she will tell you and not bother to sugar coat it.
She is the best dancer around and everyone around her is grateful that there are no poles or that Lolly Jackson owns the place.
She makes herself at home behind the bar and disturbs anyone who is trying to have a chilled, quiet evening.
She is never shy to whip out her underwear if she thinks it is worthy to be seen in public; luckily she manages to keep her clothes on, most of the time…
She is, generally, a hazard.

People say we look exactly alike, sound the same and dress the same.
Meet Alex, because I haven’t.

Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX

Van Wilder to Rookie

What is it about getting older and the effects of alcohol? Why is it that when you used to laugh at a hang over you now need 4 days to recover after a night of a couple of drinks? I'm not talking about 10 glasses of wine and 7 shooters here, I'm talking about sticking to one drink, having singles and only having 4 of them. OK throw in a tequila and a jager bomb to that as well but that was the total of what I consumed last night. Now that may sound like a lot but coming from 5 years at Stellenbosch that is child's play for an evening.

In my first 3 years at varsity we used to have drinking games at my place without fail every Wednesday, Friday and Saturday evening before we hit the town. And we used to arrive with a full bottle of spirits, usually Russian Bear Vodka (bad flashbacks) EACH. I mean lets not mess around here, we weren't there to discuss Third World Politics and that was before we went out. Then the shooters started. And we were fine the next day, granted there were many headaches, memory losses and many a nights of throwing our names away but we just got over it and carried on. A friend of mine used to call me Van Wilder: The Party Liaison, I was not scared to drink or play a drinking game or two.

Now, here I sit today with a hang over from hell after having 4 SINGLE Jamesons and water, 1 tequila and 1 jager bomb in an evening. What the hell? Why have I had a pounding headache and that queasy nauseating feeling in my stomach all day from that. Its pathetic!!!! Do I dare even say it, SIGH.....I am getting too old for this shit!!!!

But the thing is, and this is what really bothers me, I just don't learn. Because here I sit extremely tired and feeling like there is a train that keeps going round and round in circles in my head and guess what? I am probably going to end up at the Maneater tonight! I clearly am not as old as I think I am if I have this immature silly mentality. I just don't learn!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I am sure there will be another hang over to blog about on Monday

Have a PMS/CBS/Norway.J Virus (still not over that) free weekend now.

Sweet Pea

Dumb as I look.

I was just sitting there, my chin resting my hand, my mind elsewhere and totally unaware of a conversation that was happening near me. Suddenly I was rudely brought back to my body by a Tom Cruise look-alike:

TC look-alike: What has made you so angry?

Cuteness: Absolutely nothing, I'm sitting here deep in thought.

TC look-alike: Well you look really pissed off. My mate and I were talking about it and we were even nervous to come over here…

Cuteness: Well I’m not remotely pissed off, I’m all good.

Then Tom Cruise look-alike saw this as an opportunity to make himself comfortable and chat away to me. Not about world peace or the war in Iraq or his views on the death penalty (not that this would be all that appropriate) but how he prefers Ashley Simpson’s music to Jessica’s. I mean REALLY! You have never spoken to a person before and that’s was he goes with? Anyway I zone out, smiling and nodding occasionally until he says something that made me want to physically attack him! He asked if he was going too fast for me and if I was battling to keep up?! He then proceeding to REPEAT everything he said. OMG. Anyway I figured that seen as he called me stupid basically, I no longer needed to be polite and took away the smiling and nodding and replaced it with God I’m bored out of my mind! Then he says something else that made snap back into the situation….

TC look-alike: You look bored.

Cuteness: mmmmm

TC look-alike: You know what? You have a really unfortunate way of presenting yourself.

It took every ounce of self-control in my body not to ram his head into the table. I am even speechless now thinking about it.

Cuteness: This was the face I was born with I’m afraid.
(Get up and walk away with loads of attitude)

Unfortunately this is not an isolated incident. People have often just assumed I’m dumb. (I’m not going to discuss apparent unpleasant disposition that TC look-alike thought I had) Often when people are explaining things to me, I understand exactly what they are saying, on the same page. I can generally grasp most concepts quite quickly and easily, it’s not after all, rocket science. (I wonder if rocket science is that hard, everyone assumes it is but has anyone every spoken to a rocket scientist about rocket science?) Obviously I have a very stupid face because people will then feel the need to explain it to me, which is damn boring! So I get bored and zone out and then really lose track of what they are saying and not understand what is going on, have to ask them to explain, thus perpetuating the belief that I am a dumbass. I mean I do say some really stupid things but you know, Einstein failed maths at school. We all have dumb moments.
What was interesting was when I was blonde. Somehow people are more tolerant of blondes being a little less efficient, a little more flustered in a busy spell, and perhaps more patient when you need to ask the TRAINED PROFESSIONAL something you really need 4 years of study to know about. In fact it got so bad that I even started playing it up because if you don’t, you are essentially farting against the wind. (Not to say I am an inefficient worker, I’m exceptional!) But as soon as I ventured closer to my natural colour, this was no longer acceptable. In fact, people thought I WAS the trained professional. No wonder people think blondes have more fun, very little is expected of them!

They say that people look smarter in glasses, perhaps I should start wearing mine all the time….

Remain infinitely Cute
XXX

Worms, Perfection and General Boredom

You would think having absolutely no work to do for 3 solid days would give you some ideas and time to blog, unfortunately in my case this is untrue, so my formal apologies now for a very random, unstructured blog of hogwash.

This last week has been an interesting one. Coming from a most fantastic weekend into mayhem and chaos in the office didn't quite suit my good mood on Monday morning. Now for anyone that knows me I am not the most computer literate or tolerant person in the world (notice the irony in me blogging) so when I get told that a worm has got into our server at work my mind goes back to Pacman days of old with that cute little yellow man chomping away on the screen. Unfortunately this worm wasn't particularly cute or yellow for that matter and you could not just press reset or play again when it said game over. And we were literally game over for 3 whole days. This "worm/virus" is called the norway.j (who thinks of crap like that anyway?) virus, i personally prefer the "piece of shite that stole 3 days of my life from me" virus as a name. We had to shut down COMPLETELY, I couldn't even play solitaire on my computer.

Now it might look like I am bitter about all of this, most people would love to have 3 days of not being able to do anything, they would see it as a holiday of sorts. For me a holiday is lying in the sun on a beach or by the pool relaxing, NOT and I repeat NOT sitting in an office that feels like a sauna (we have air con issues) doing sweet bugger all for 3 days. Not to mention the fact that I am now 3 days behind of my work (notice the irony once again on me blogging right now). So bitter is an understatement. Anyway we seem to be getting back to normal (touch wood and all those good things) and the origin apparently has been located. Lets hope they blast the living daylights out the creature ( yes I do realise how computer illiterate I am but its called a worm and I would like to picture it being killed!).

So during my three days of boredom and hell, I relied on my cell phone as my form of communication with the outside world. This is not a new thing for me to be joined at the hip with my phone but I really did feel so isolated (sniff sniff). When I am at work I rely on skype and e-mail to keep me sane and that was taken away so that left my trusty cell phone friend at my side. Through thick and thin I tell you. So not only did this stupid worm take my daily sanity and amusement away from me it also caused me to support MTN ever more than I usually do. Not to mention the 3 days lacking in chatting to cuteness on skype (which still isn't working!!!!) and also to the Honourable Whiteboy.

Now most of you that know me will know who the Honourable Whiteboy is but those of you that don't, he would be the boyfriend in my life and who is possibly cringing at this point because I am mentioning him. Anyway the reason he is being mention at this point is as mentioned above I couldn't chat to him on skype either thanks to this horrid worm. Now as soppy as you think this is going to sound, you are wrong there. Obviously I missed his company but it was the teasing and banter that usually occurs every day that was missing in my life. You might be thinking that this sounds very strange but being laughed at and teased during the day has become as much as a daily habit as brushing my teeth (which I do twice daily). And I missed dishing it out too, not that I am any good at that though. The Honourable Whiteboy, who is still panicking at this point, has definitely become the sanity in my life and through all the banter and teasing me, he has become the perfect boyfriend. Now that he is completely freaked out and mumbling "I cant believe she is saying all these things" under his breath, I would like to share an sms conversation we had this week:

Sweet Pea: I am dying of boredom here
Whiteboy: Think you should spend some time blogging about how perfect I am
Sweet Pea: Sure thing will dedicate a whole blog to you (slight poetic license there)
Whiteboy: Don't you dare!!!!!!!!!!!

So my Honourable Whiteboy you are superbly perfect and here is the blog for you. Now that you are also insanely embarrassed just think back to the time you told me you were having X-rays on your hand and told me that the doctors were saying you had cracked it. And then sending my poor compassionate self a MMS of your index finger showing me a nice ZAAAAAAAA, this is pay back.

But all the banter and baiting aside I do think that you are fabulous and I am sorry ladies that I have taken this one off the market!

So now that I have completely written a long blog of randomness I must get on with some work now.

Have a PMS/CBS/Norway.J Virus free day now

Sweet Pea

P.S. Would just like to take this opportunity to welcoming Tit to the blogging world!

Great Expectations

It seems there are going to be 2 little new additions to our family in roughly 6 months. This is all very exciting really. Unfortunately the one child’s surname is going to be Monk and they have named the fetus Chip. I’m guessing you have to have a sense of humour if Monk is your surname… The other child will be given, like its brother, a Norwegian name that few people can pronounce especially because they live in England. I can’t help but feel a little sorry for my pair of runts. They have 3 children and no grandchildren in the foreseeable future. Luckily there is no pressure on me as I am the bebe of the family! In fact the most my parents expect from me is to be home before the sun comes up. I do get the occasional look from my father asking me if this is the length of skirts these days, which gets him a slap on the arm from my mother saying she wore skirts much shorter than that even after they were married and till her late 20’s/early 30’s (you think he would learn after a few slaps not to comment on my wardrobe). Now my mother had had 2 children by the time she was 26 and weighed 55kgs till she had me (trust me I hear it ALL the time, I think its cause she cant use the “I was in labour for 16 hours” card) and they called her twiggy. This essentially brings to me my point of this uninspired post. (Apologies.)

Now, obviously the role of women has changed dramatically. In South Africa, women were finally recognized as adults for the first time in 1994. Before that they were deemed minors, essentially having the same official capabilities as their 10 year old children. Now we have a female vice president. (With a penchant for spending!) However the expectations are full of contradictions. Firstly a woman who wishes to be a stay at home mom, run her home and look after her children full time is seen as someone who has no ambition or independence. But a woman who values career is seen as, for lack of a better word, cold. And a women who tries to have both, is seen as a bad mother because she is not there all the time for her children and is believed to be letting someone raise them and is simply spreading herself too thin. If a woman is tough in the corporate world, she is a bitch, a ball breaker. Few people respect a woman with such a nature. However a woman who is seen a pushover is also not respected. Find a happy medium I can hear you thinking? Well when she is tough, clearly she is PMSing!
A woman is also meant to be healthy, to drink those 8 glasses of water a day, go to gym for an hour each day and prepare heart-healthy-friendly meals. A woman who has a little over-weight is seen as unattractive, but so it a woman who is too thin. Tyra Banks, one of the world’s most successful supermodels, is being criticized for being overweight!?!?!?!?! When I look at her I see a woman who is happy, healthy and successful. (And not to mention tall!) In reply she did a mag cover in a bikini, with the line “180 pounds, you call this fat?!” 180 pounds is 80kgs which seems quite heavy BUT she is over 6 foot and in that bikini looked fantastic!!!!!

Well it aint easy being a woman, but it aint easy being a man either… No one said life was a breeze and everyone around us seems to try make it harder.

Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX

Circling Vultures.

It is 4am after a very long Friday night at the Hat. My feet are sore, ears ringing, a little tipsy and my really divine bed is calling my name (it’s a do not turn mattress and it hugs you when you lie in it). BUT I’m still having a whale of a time dancing around the nearly empty dance floor. Loving the space and the fan blowing in my face and hair cooling me down because it s positively boiling in this place and I have been dancing for 4 hours. Suddenly Sweet Pea rushes up to me, grabs my arm and pulls me closer to the group. She looks at me and tells me it is not a good idea to be wondering around on my own at this time in the morning. I glance around to see if I had somehow teleported to Hillbrow. No thank goodness but the scene before me is all too familiar….

A small heard of innocent and meek (k maybe not that meek or innocent) impala are having fun and playing in the centre. They are giggling and dancing, glowing a little from sweat. Around the herd are a few vultures, circling, eyeing out the prey. Occasionally one or two move in closer to get a better look, trying to get a peck at the impala. This proves unsuccessful and so the vulture moves away, back to the outer ring, circling once again waiting for a second opportunity. A metre away, slightly elevated, are more vultures. These ones are sitting, leaning on the counter staring at the frolicking impala, stalking them. Both sets of vultures drooling and eager to get a taste of the sweet impala…

The vultures, the late, drunken male party-goers, on the prowl, looking to score. The impala, the groups of girls dancing and enjoying the last few minutes of their Friday razzle. Unfortunately Sweet Pea was right, it is not safe to venture off from the herd. Stay close, safety in numbers (and also Whiteboy is there and one would think he provides some protection to his gf’s mates). The vultures that circle us now waiting to get in on the kill as most of the lions have left or are sorted for the evening. Now calling them vultures is in no way a reference to their appearance, its all about beaviour.

One has to wonder if these guys, who I’m sure are pretty decent humans before 2am, think they are actually going to come right at this late stage? Do they think that the girls on the dance floor enjoy the leering and groping? Perhaps if the girls are after the same thing but otherwise it is quite insulting. I am not there at that time because I am wanting to be the final scraps, some guy’s last chance to get some near the end of a clearly unsuccessful night. I am there because I am enjoying dancing with my mates. Do they think that a woman immediately becomes easy after 3 am? Quite honestly I could think of nothing worse than some physical contact with a STRANGE member of the opposite sex at that time of the morning. (It’s at this stage I do wish that Token wasn’t in fact a token but part of a larger group of male members.) And persistence seems to be the name of the game, if she says no now, give her 5 minutes, I might look better then, she can drink me appealing. Quite frankly I'm not about to rush around lowering my standards simply because the options are less! I really do not place that much emphasis on the importance of kissing some random as a way of validating my level of attractiveness to the opposite sex. Specially when, at this stage, the only thing the male can really tell is that you don’t have a penis!

This brings me to another thought. Why do people place such importance on the notches in their belt? Why do they base their self-esteem on such a ridiculous notion? “I kissed someone so then I must have looked good.” Some of the most beautiful girls I know are single and are, in fact, not picked up as often as their less attractive counterparts. I think this is an intimidation factor, a “she is out of my league” kind of vibe. Which I totally understand! I’m not about to hit on someone who is clearly out of my league. So from here on out the philosophy is “if I don’t get hit on then damn I must be HOT!!!” Works for me.

PLEASE NOTE
No impala were hurt in the writing of this post; unfortunately the same cannot be said for the vultures.

Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX

Life's little lessons.

So I am turning 25 this year, and I thought I would write down 25 things that I have learnt. They are in no particular order and it is not necessarily one lesson a year…

1. Dogs do not like to be dressed up in dolls’ or baby clothes.
2. Never forget to take your medicine.
3. Personalized number plates are NOT a good idea.
4. Nuns should never have access to rulers.
5. Weekly bomb scares are unique to multi-cultural schools in Boksburg.
6. Going through a stop street in front of the cops is never clever.
7. It is embarrassing to scream in Scream 2, especially in a packed cinema.
8. You have been playing Doom too much when, wanting to look behind you, you physically turn around instead of moving your mouse.
9. It is never a good idea to walk into strangers rooms (tender age of 9) at the Kruger Park. They will be everywhere you are for the rest of the holiday, including sitting behind you on the night-drive.
10. It is not fun to fall out of a 20 year old land cruiser onto a rocky dirt road.
11. Never bite off more than you can chew.
12. Boys will always like their toys, even when they are over 50.
13. There is such a thing as too thin.
14. Be careful what you wish for.
15. If you enjoy having the photo taken, you will look good in it.
16. Everyone’s family is weird.
17. Never trust a jealous friend.
18. Playing kissing catchers with bright red lipstick on will annoy the boys’ mothers and get you sent home from nursery school. (So does water-fights)
19. Most things are slow and few things go smoothly.
20. Panado is not a good painkiller, the next time I take one of those it will be because I’m hungry.
21. You don’t want to be a peaktoosooner.
22. Be gentle with those you love. Never forget the importance of family and friends.
23. Always take the stairs.
24. It is never a good idea to get in between a lioness and her cubs when on foot.
25. Say I love you, Thank-you and sorry more.

Remain Infinitely Cute

XXX

Tits & Ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have always agreed that a woman can use her assets to get somewhere - especially when dealing with men...and the greater the assets, the more she can get! Sweetpea im sure you would know - with your assets im sure u have Whiteboy running circles around you. And as much as this is a wonderful method of getting exactly what you want...it becomes less appealing when used against you!

Meet Tit - a newbie to the corporate world and still somewhat naive to this world of politics, sexual harrassment cases and men! I had been having a good run...had been there for a year, good job, good salary, awesome people...and being the newbie, loving the attention that came with it! But that all seemed to fade just as quickly as it arrived when I decided to do a friend a favour.

Enter Tits & Ass. Now Tits & Ass has been away and is currently looking for a job. She applies for 2 vacancies in my company in different departments and I think its a good idea for her to experience the place for a day.....so in she comes.......BIG MISTAKE.

I never actually thought men - okay SOME men - were that blatently and easily affected by the arrival of a hot woman. With tongues literally hanging out of their mouths, they proceeded to follow Tits & Ass around the office all day. Men I have actually never even seen or spoken to were hovering around like lovesick puppies. I actually felt quite special for about 5 minutes before, upon closer inspection, I noticed that I was actually just blending into the furniture. I could have stripped naked and they still would not have noticed me.

By the end of the day, Tits & Ass had been offered 7 different positions in my and other departments, paying triple what i earn doing something that I and my colleauges strive to get promoted to a few years down the line! WTF................ Apparently qualification and ability are no longer a requirement to get a job.....

Im telling you, its all about TITS and ASS!!!!!!!!!!! For all you unemployed white males out there, affirmative action is the least of your worries...Its the hot women you need to look out for. Although I would put money on it that given half the chance to chat one of these ladies up, you would gladly give up any position offered to you!

Granted this post is a complete generalization and there are men out there who can refrain from the intoxicating presence of a hot woman...or at least pretend to.......but the question remains:
What is it about boobs that is so paralysing to a man? To quote Julia Roberts, "They make milk, your mother has them...." so whats the big deal???

Yours in PMS/CBS day blues
Tit!

Be a Player, play the game...

Ok so a few nights ago, one of Sweet Pea’s mates said to her, I’m a player, I’m not the coach. I play the game. I’m the guy that when the coach says take these pills, I take the pills. I’m just a player. Of course this lead to huge hysterics and much sport analogy the next day.
Welcome to team View United.

The Players

Firstly meet the coach. SWEET PEA. She does not participate in the game but watches from the sidelines and organizes our various games (hence the conversation with aforementioned friend). She does, however participate in friendlys. She gives the players advice on various plays and information on other teams that we may encounter. If there is any controversy, she often deals with this too. As the coach, the behaviour of her players falls on her shoulders. This is unfortunate but this is how things work, I’m afraid. She is particularly good as team coach, assisting in injury recovery and is good at damage control. She is there to build up broken spirits of players who perhaps have had a bad game or in more severe cases, a bad season. She listens to uniform suggestions with an open mind and often lets her players have full control over this area of the game although does give advice on the subject as to what is more ergonomical for game play.

Our manager, Masters, has been away for many years and has recently returned. She made brief appearances throughout the years. She, too, does not play the game and participates only in friendlys. She looks after us players, ensuring that there is no disruptive and illegal play from other teams. Her role is protective.

DOC, recently out of retirement, has made one hell of a comeback!!!! This year so far she has been awarded MPP (Most popular player). In her first few games back she scored some unbelievable goals and has wowed the crowds with her impressive skills. Her game tactics vary, making her a challenging player to mark. Her weaknesses include:
1. If opposing team players are persistent enough she eventually lets her
Defensive play down and the other team is able to score pretty easily.
2. She is not always fully aware of her surroundings and the other team are able to make a surprise goal.
3. Catholic boys from the East

Her strengths include:
1. She looks good in any uniform!
2. When she is on top form, she is a pretty untouchable player. Few players from other teams have been able to catch this player and keep up…

TIT is still nursing a strained muscle but should be returning from injury shortly. Unfortunately only time will tell as to what this player’s strengths and weaknesses are, but she does have an impeccable record and high levels of popularity. Her uniform choices are always superb and generally her game play is smooth and impressive. She has a huge fan base…. A true professional!

DELICIOUS is perhaps the highest scoring player in our league. She is without a doubt the teams best player and most successful thus far. Her game play is phenomenal and flawless!!! The team is in perpetual awe of her skills and abilities as a player. No one as managed to catch this player!

TOKEN is the only male player on the team. He has been warming the bench of late. He is the player that is sent out in the last 5minutes of the game, when members of our team are slacking a bit and manages to score an own goal. Although not good for team moral and overall premiership points, this can help an unscoring female player feel a little less useless. (Not by much though). His signature move, when he was actually performing, became known as The Lunge. This essentially involves ignoring all defensive play, players and the goal keeper, throwing caution to the wind and instead of kicking the ball into the net, actually throwing his entire body AT the net. This method proved effective for a limited period, hence the current bench-warming…

At this point I am warming the bench. It seems I got my games confused at started off playing cricket. Although the 6 is still pending final decision from 3rd Umpire. (Sweet
Pea will provide explanation as players don’t explain themselves – love ya coach)

The Game

1. Each period of the game shouldn’t last longer that half an hour without a goal or near goal. No sense in trying to get a goal through a BRICK WALL.
a. How to spot a brick wall.
i. They are attached to a buxom blonde who is less than impressed with your blue skirt.
ii. When you attempt to swop shirts for sentimental reasons and you are left holding your shirt while he is talking about his twenty year plan.
iii. His game hair is better than yours and he calls you girlfriend when commenting on your game skills.

2. It is ok to swear at others players and even throw things at them if they annoy you. It is also ok not to be receptive when being kicked a ball you don’t want from other teams.

3. It is NOT ok for the other team to play badly.

4. It is ok to run away from other players from another team.

5. There is I in the word team. No need to pass the ball if you do not have a direct shot at the goal, keep playing until you reach brick wall stage or score a goal.

Remain Infinitely Cute
XXX

The book's cover...

Its amazing how one look from a person can completely rattle you. It doesn't matter if you are feeling confident, indifferent or a bit insecure about your outfit, one up and down look from someone can make you feel utterly self-conscious and insecure....

Today I was wearing a short blue skirt, granted it is a little on the short side, but I was having some lazer and I figured a skirt was the most practical item to be wearing for various reasons. I walked into the pharmacy and greated everyone. One of the ladies that work there looked me up and down and the expression on her face made me feel like I should say something like "coffee, tea or me." Needless to say I slinked out the pharmacy as quickly as possible and rushed to the car as fast as my heels would allow. Did I really look that bad? As I drove to my appointment my mind went back to a night at Manhattan. As we had all walked in, everyone, and I mean everyone, turned and stared. Now when people say everyone looked they are usually exaggerating but this is in no way an exaggerating, EVERYONE turned and stared. I turned to my mates and one said to me "is there something wrong with us?" From that reaction, I would say one of us would have had to have a second head and a tail. For the rest of the evening I was completely self-conscious. Now the fact that it was the first time I had worn a skirt to a club EVER, in my whole 24 years of existence, didn't help. (Those who know me well and for any lengthy period know I don't do skirts and have only recently started branching out.) Good god, was it that bad!!!???!!! The insecurity followed me around all night, but I found my mojo, eventually, at 3 in the morning. We left at 4.

What amazes me is that this reaction was caused simply by a look. Now sitting here I can rationalise a little bit. Firstly I shouldn't have cared what people thought about my skirt, it has been pretty damn hot, specially in the Maneater, and skirts are cooler. Secondly people are so full of their own insecurities that they don't really take much notice of you. (Same applies to the beach, hate walking across to the sea, like everyone is staring and gasping at the size of your paunch, when actually they are sitting there worrying about their own bodies. If not, then they are in fact aghast at the one poor sole who actually wore a g-string to the beach). Jessica Alba, possibly one of the most beautiful woman around and with the most unbelievable body said she had insecurities about her body to overcome while spending so much time in bikini on a movie set.
What amazes me further is that the lady [of the look] had then commented to my sister, once I had left which lead to this babbling and afternoon insecurity session and thinking that she was a bit of a CB, that I was looking quite nice lately. *Retraction of all evil thoughts* In fact I had been unfair, assuming that she would automatically be mean.

What is stranger to me is that I am someone who believes that one of the few things we have in this world is how we treat people. People who, upon first look, were pretty darn cute, until I saw how they treated others. Its amazing how quickly their appeal vanished and were suddenly incredibly average, even unattractive, all around. This works both ways naturally. With certain people, the more I have gotten to know them, the more beautiful they have become.... The shallow Hal principle essentially. So even if you don't have the best legs or figure or face, know that if you treat others well, you are far more beautiful than the buxom blonde that looks you up and down and makes you feel insecure in your little blue skirt. (And during my reign as Miss South Africa I will continually strive for world peace).

Remain Infinitely cute...
XXX

Its a Man's World After All!!

I would say that I am an independent, headstrong woman and I am all for women's lib and all that new age crap but unfortunately some things just don't change. Men still leave the toilet seat up and refuse to ask for directions. The remote? What's that, oh that thing that men refuse to share and Saturdays will forever be sport's days. Just like women will always take hours to decide on an outfit, have far too many pairs of shoes and still like to cuddle with teddies. Those things just don't change, especially the fact that women just don't know things about cars.

You would think that considering my father was in the motor industry for 30 years I would know a thing or two about cars. WRONG! I know that I would love to drive a Porsche or Ferrari one day but don't tell me to look under the bonnet and locate the thermostat or the carburetor. They are more commonly referred to in female language as the whatsa macallit and the thingy magiggy. Please a carburetor, you may as well ask me how far the sun is from the earth or what the name of those plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called (I have been told on a number of occasions).

So there I was yesterday on my way to see a client and I notice that my temperature whatsa macallit is on 0 degress. Now I am no self proclaimed mechanic but I know when it is over 30 degrees outside and your temperature thingy is saying zero there is a problem. I am almost there so I think right lets just get off the main road and to the client (which I now am late for by the way, thanks to a robot being out on William Nicol) and we will address the problem there, ie: phone dad! Now I am sitting at the robot on William Nicol about to turn into Fourways Crossing and my car cuts out. Picture the scene, me in my little car, broken down on William Nicol at 3:30 in the afternoon (start of peak hour traffic, yes that's early but when have you ever not seen traffic on William Nicol?), steam coming out my bonnet and the newspaper guy canning himself at me. Not chuffed is the nicest way to put that. NOW all the lights are flashing at me!! That I understand, flashing lights = problem, not strange readings on temperature thingys. So there I sat, people and TAXIS (have I mentioned that I hate them) hooting at me. After about 10 minutes I tried to start it again and it started. Not arguing whether it was a clever idea or not, I drove it into Fourways Crossing now 40 mins late to see my client. Screeching noises and steam vacating the bonnet marked my not so quiet and very late arrival. The client, ever the gay stereotype, clearly can not help me. So I drop the stuff off and get to the nearest petrol station. Realise how literal BP: we like to keep you moving actually is now.

Now as mentioned earlier my father was in the motor industry for the majority of his life so I obviously gave him a panicked call. But the problem is now he isn't in the industry anymore, he is now a farmer so he was in the vineyards somewhere picking his grapes for harvest. Fat load of good the wine is doing for me now! Anyway eventually get hold of him (thanks mom for missioning off to find him in his grapes) and he tells me that pouring water into a hot car is a big big no no. Oh forgot to mention that there was ZERO water in my car and it had in fact overheated. As I said before what do I know about cars. Apparently I was lucky that I didn't blow the head gasket, once again the whatawhaty? OK mild exaggeration, I do actually know that's bad but don't ask me to locate it for you.

Solution: find the nearest General Motors dealer so they can have a look for you because just because its hot and you sat in traffic doesn't mean that there should be no water, said in VERY sarcastic annoyed tone by father. So off I mosey to Williams Hunt Fourways where I think I met possibly the most decent, obliging human being every made. He sorted my problem out for me, apparently the thermostat valve thing wasn't working and the thermostat housing thingy was loose too. In other words I can now drive the car because the problem is sorted. Time now being 6:40. Happy champer is once again a polite sarcastic description of my annoyed mood.

But it did not stop there, because my father was in the industry and he so happened to own a dealership I now need to take it there because they need to check it. Did I mention that I live in Parktown, work in Sandton and the dealership is in Edenvale? So yes mission off to the Vale this morning, have to leave the baby there over night and get given a courtesy car with COURTESY CAR written all over it (yes I do realise that that is the pot calling the kettle black from someone who has their name on their number plate) and once again mission off back there to pick it up tomorrow. A good thing though, was able to sneak in a cup of coffee with her cuteness while I was that side of the world. Looking ever so cute today too by the way!

At the end of the day, there is no major damage done but one thing is for damn sure, it is a man's world after all when it comes to cars and I am not afraid to admit defeat and admit that one out loud.

I hope that you had a PMS/CBS free day now

Sweet Pea

P.S. On a completely separate note I did get up early yesterday morning and go to gym and it was hormonal gorilla free!!!!!